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Old February 23rd, 2019, 07:08 AM   #1
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DragonflySphere's Forum Picture
Join Date: December 20, 2017
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Default What do I do now?

(Heads up, if you don't want to read the story, go to the last paragraph)

Hey everyone. It has been a while since I was last on this website and during that time, I think almost everything has been tossed away.

During the time since my last post, I found myself isolating myself from people for months. Whenever someone asked if I was okay, I'd shrug it off and tell them I was fine, even if it was far from the truth. It took a while before I realised I needed them to stop. I really didn't want them to worry about me so I changed the way others saw me. I started to act like a fool. I pretended to be happy and tried to entertain those around me. It took a while to get right but soon I learnt to tell jokes to specific people that were about their type of humour. Some, I just had to make weird noises but with others, I had to tell offensive and rude which I can't stand.

Times which should have been filled with happiness were replaced by sadness and I struggled lots. As the weather got hotter, I stopped cutting my arms so I could wear my shirt again but I ended up cutting my upper legs instead. I felt as though I couldn't trust those around me as they would betray me (except for the girl below). I lost interest in doing things I enjoyed, I avoided having meaningful conversations with my "friends" and I ended up caring more about the judgement of my looks to the point where I started eating less to the point where I could probably be considered underweight.

At the end of November, I realised I couldn't do this anymore. I ended up telling a girl (who I had became pretty good friends with in recent times) my whole situation, including my cutting, even if I hated every moment of it. In the end, she arranged a meeting with the school counsellor which I ended up agreeing with. One of the first things I said when I entered was I didn't want anyone else knowing, including my parents. One of the last things said was my mum was going to be informed about the situation and she would speak to me when I got home.

That afternoon, I spoke to my mum who seemed genuinely concerned. I actually believed she cared about me and wanted to help me. But then, I was hit by the bombshell of reality. It took only a few days and she had forgotten. She never really cared about what I was going through. She cared about her uncle and her friend's situation more than myself. I was heartbroken. My mother had tossed me to the side as if she didn't know what I was going through.

Fast forward to today, while I'm not cutting (mum still has the knife I was using), I feel worse than I was before. I've decided I want to try and get help again but I refuse to involve my mum again and I would prefer not to involve the counsellor again but I will if it's the only option. Now, I ask those who read this, what options do I have? I'll consider anything at this point.
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Old February 23rd, 2019, 01:49 PM   #2
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ska8er's Forum Picture
Name: Andy
Join Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: What do I do now?

If u have some other relative in ur
life that u can trust I would talk with
them. The school counsellor would
have been ur best move but maybe
b law ur parent or parents had to b
informed. Look for a support group
that is near u and c if someone can
direct u on how u can get over these
feelings. I don't think there can b any
other advice someone can tell u.
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Old March 7th, 2019, 09:22 PM   #3
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Name: Richard
Join Date: March 4, 2019
Location: Upstate NY
Gender: Male
Default Re: What do I do now?

Gosh DragonflySphere, I’m sorry to hear about your situation but applaud you for confiding in your friend, seeing the counselor, and even reaching out to tell your story to us. To me, this says a lot about who you are, the quality of your character, and your desire to be helped - that’s amazing! As for your mother, that saddens me but it’s a realization that she isn’t perfect and sounds like she has issues of her own. I say keep talking to anyone (would love to see an update soon) and I would seek out support groups and just surround yourself with people that care, we are all around! Sending warm thoughts, hugs and love your way. Best of luck!

"Why fit in when you were born to STANDOUT!"
- Dr. Seuss

16 - Male - Bi
Let's chat!
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Old March 11th, 2019, 05:42 AM   #4
Name: Julia
Join Date: November 29, 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Gender: Female
Default Re: What do I do now?

If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me xoxo.
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