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Old February 21st, 2019, 07:32 AM   #1
hayley2003
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Default Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

https://www.livescience.com/37777-hi...-marriage.html

Why get married?
What is the difference between getting married and just living together?

Some people live together for many years without getting married, then get engaged, and break up short after, rather get married.
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Old February 21st, 2019, 07:40 AM   #2
EvaNL
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

There are legal differences. Married couples get tax advantages. When you "just" live together you don't get them. Married couples can adopt a child easier than when you're "just" living together. It's easier for married men to legally accept their children. Things like that.
We have a legal status between living together and being married here in the Netherlands. It's a registered partnership. You're not legally married, but do get the advantages of married couples.

And I guess people who are/want to get married are feeling more connected to each other then when they're not.
To me personally being married would be just a legal note in a ledger, so I don't care about it.

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Old February 21st, 2019, 08:27 AM   #3
Katie2003
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

I'm sure that the biggest reason is tradition, even in the Bible it mentions a man and his wife. Up until a generation or so, most parents would have freaked out if their daughter or son was living with someone and not married.

I'm sure that in many if not most families that would still be expected, particularly among people who have strong religious tradition in their family. But I think it has become acceptable to live together first before getting married and some people say that they feel by doing so it proves whether or not they are compatible enough to start a family and stay together.

My personal values tell me it's wrong for a couple to live together and have children when they are not married and that's not gonna change.

However, the same reasoning doesn't apply to same sex couples who until recently weren't legally allowed to get married. That is a whole different case.

I am def planning on getting married someday when I'm out of college and know that I have the right partner, which is almost certainly gonna be another girl. I feel very strongly compelled to take the step of a formal marriage.

Last edited by Katie2003; February 21st, 2019 at 08:42 AM.
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Old February 21st, 2019, 08:30 AM   #4
Pultost
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

I guess you also get less crap from religious nuts and people whose mind is stuck in the middle ages. I may or may not marry when time is right. Not sure. I've heard about people who've lived together for years, got married and split up less than a year after that....

I see myself as a diplomat. Got a problem with that, asshole? Huh??
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Old February 21st, 2019, 08:32 AM   #5
ska8er
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

I think living together even tho u may consider
urself one u have this independence that u r not
tied down but if u have children then u get into
legal matters on who has legal rights. I think
that couples that live together get along better
than if they got married. Married couples have
problems with money at least first of the time.
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Old February 21st, 2019, 08:36 AM   #6
hayley2003
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pultost View Post
I guess you also get less crap from religious nuts and people whose mind is stuck in the middle ages. I may or may not marry when time is right. Not sure. I've heard about people who've lived together for years, got married and split up less than a year after that....
kinda makes me wonder if they would have stayed together if they didn't get married, but who knows. Just like people who live together for years, get engaged, but break up before they get married.
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Old February 21st, 2019, 09:16 AM   #7
Pultost
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

Quote:
Originally Posted by hayley2003 View Post
kinda makes me wonder if they would have stayed together if they didn't get married, but who knows. Just like people who live together for years, get engaged, but break up before they get married.
Yeah, I have a sneaking suspicion that they would probably kept together, at least for a while longer. I'm not against marriage or anything, but when someone has lived together for ages, and everything is just dandy, I don't see the point.

I see myself as a diplomat. Got a problem with that, asshole? Huh??
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Old February 21st, 2019, 02:16 PM   #8
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Default Re: Marriage: Why do people feel so compelled

Quote:
Originally Posted by hayley2003 View Post
kinda makes me wonder if they would have stayed together if they didn't get married, but who knows. Just like people who live together for years, get engaged, but break up before they get married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pultost View Post
Yeah, I have a sneaking suspicion that they would probably kept together, at least for a while longer. I'm not against marriage or anything, but when someone has lived together for ages, and everything is just dandy, I don't see the point.
Yeah I wonder about that too. In the literature on cohabitation Vs marriage in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, couples who live together before getting married end up splitting up more than couples who live separately and then decided to marry. That is contrary to the belief that gradual exposure to living with each other conditions and prepares you for living together in a marriage.

I suspect a few things are going on. Firstly I think psychologically even subconsciously people mentally put themselves in a limbo state where they believe their committed to the relationship by being in the same living quarters with their partner, but each perhaps holds damaging secrets that would have otherwise been revealed (legally or otherwise) once the legal process of a marriage happens. Because they aren’t married there’s a comfortable “it works well enough” threshold where they don’t break up, but the relationship also isn’t really tested to the most extreme conditions.

Whereas marriage forces dark secrets to come out and be reconciled with or dealt with. Therefore once stability is reached, it lasts or doesn’t and then ends in divorce.
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