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Old June 30th, 2020, 05:43 PM   #1
Iwillfindyou
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Default Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

I am asking because it seems very popular among teens to find their friendships MUCH more important than their relationships. And I must admit I just wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where my boyfriend HEAVILY prioritises his friends over me. Even worse if he had the mindset that he can ditch dates with me whenever he wants but never meetings with his friends. Also, I don't understand the point of the relationship if the other person heavily prefers the company of others, to the point of finding them more important and finding being with them heavily more than with you

Also note how I use the word "heavily" a lot. It's because I want to avoid miaunderstandings where people think I expect the boy to put me above everything else
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Old June 30th, 2020, 07:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

I guess the first thought Iíd offer is if yiur are the GF and heís got other friends heís had all his life.....
I mean you arenít married to each other right?
Takes time, not a label to make a strong relationship.

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Old June 30th, 2020, 08:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

You expect for him to give up everything for you?
Isnt that being selfish?
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Old July 1st, 2020, 03:45 AM   #4
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

I think both someones friends and girlfriend/boyfriend should kinda be treated with equal respect. There are probably going to be times you'd spend more time with someone than your other friends, but if they try and fit some of there time to you, and still talk to you isn't that more important. Then there will be the times he has more time to spend with you that he will feel better about (as you haven't been upset or nagging him to be with you) and a little time apart can make the time more special

I wouldn't feel to good if he was doing it all the time. If he was prioritising being with his friends all the time, or constantly breaking of dates to be with them. That not really how a relationship should work, and would probably show he wasn't that into you if he didn't want spend time with you. But if its occasionally and the reason for breaking our date was to help a friend who needed him, then I'd understand, and hope he makes it up to me with another date
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Old July 1st, 2020, 04:29 AM   #5
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ska8er View Post
You expect for him to give up everything for you?
Isnt that being selfish?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwillfindyou
Also note how I use the word "heavily" a lot. It's because I want to avoid miaunderstandings where people think I expect the boy to put me above everything else
There you go.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 04:49 AM   #6
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

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Originally Posted by Iwillfindyou View Post
There you go.
Well Its the truth.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 05:10 AM   #7
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

I know what you mean. I feel the same way. My boyfriend has never cancelled plans to go out with his friends but I'd be angry if he did. (Although this may be because I hate his friends.)


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Old July 1st, 2020, 07:05 AM   #8
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

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Well Its the truth.
What is?
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Old July 1st, 2020, 08:53 AM   #9
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

To put friends over the boyfriend / girlfriend sounds a little bit like a mafia-honor point of view.
I my oppinion, the boyfriend or girlfriend should be first priority. - This doesn't mean you don't give a shit about anyone else. There are room for both.
If the bf / gf feels he/she is first priority, chances are he/she will give you time with your friends too.
On the other hand. What kind of friends do you have, if they can't accept you need time with the bf / gf too?

"Comedy is like sex. If they haven't made a noise in a while, change what you're doing."

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Old July 1st, 2020, 09:39 AM   #10
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

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Originally Posted by Iwillfindyou View Post
What is?
You being selfish.


A guy or gal wanting their squeeze to put them on
a pedestal and worship them totally is in a way
controlling. Yeah all fine giving utmost attention
but when and if the relationship takes a turn their
friends might be less forgiving.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 12:11 PM   #11
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

What people should get here is that your SO is one part of your life not your whole life.
Happy relationship is not one where you spend every waking moment with your gf/bf it is balanced.
Lets take example of married couple Jake and Linda (fictional)

Wake up 6.00 morning routines and to work they go.
8.00 work starts
16.30 work ends
18.00 home again
18.30 Chow time
now both are tired but they still have some hours left before they hit bed.
from about 19-22 its only 3 hours. to be able to actually have any friends one must see them let it be in this case local pub. (can be gym too or shooting range or what ever hobby he has)
Jake goes to have beer at pub with his chaps. Linda is not into pubs and goes to see her friends at mall and they well do... what ever women generally do(probably sip latte and talk how awfull their chaps are).
21.30 home again some quick sex maybe or some tv time and at 23.00 they sleep.
I described monday tuesday wednesday and thursday.
Friday after work they order some pizza or fish&chips and go to pub and drink and dance etc.
Saturday they have hangover and wake up around 9.00 they do some groceries some laundry and maybe have some sex. All that uninspiring shit is done around 15.00 and they can now see friends or attend to some hobby.
Somewhere along the line they chow some ordered food like another go for fish&chips maybe. around 20.00 home again and some TV time/sex/reading book what ever and then to bed.
Sunday happy day wake up go to church to pretend that you believe and from church to home to hobby maybe and then home have nice food that both of them prepare bottle of wine and then sitting in front of TV and going to bed 22.00

Whats bad in that?

Then when they divorce which is anyway gonna happen at some point both do at least have friends to rely on.

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Old July 1st, 2020, 02:13 PM   #12
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ska8er View Post
You being selfish.


A guy or gal wanting their squeeze to put them on
a pedestal and worship them totally is in a way
controlling. Yeah all fine giving utmost attention
but when and if the relationship takes a turn their
friends might be less forgiving.
Today I learned that not wanting your partner to always ignore you completely just because their friends want them to is being selfish.

Seriously though, what about my post do you not understand? I thought it was obvious that one should not be HEAVILY more worshipped than the other and there should be some kind of balance. I doubt you'd want your girlfriend to be like "huehue I'm so proud of myself because I ditched 3 dates with my BF to go see my friend's dog"
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Old July 1st, 2020, 03:14 PM   #13
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwillfindyou View Post
Today I learned that not wanting your partner to always ignore you completely just because their friends want them to is being selfish.

Seriously though, what about my post do you not understand? I thought it was obvious that one should not be HEAVILY more worshipped than the other and there should be some kind of balance. I doubt you'd want your girlfriend to be like "huehue I'm so proud of myself because I ditched 3 dates with my BF to go see my friend's dog"
"huehue"?
Im not getting across to you and Im not
going to fight cause Im not here for drama
but seems like you want your boyfriend to
not see his friends but only be with you and
that is being jealous and controlling. If he
wants to do that then so be it on his part
but then he has to watch that his "idol"
does not turn around and screw him.
I stand on that and Im not going to go
one on one with you further. I dont care
what you do.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 04:15 PM   #14
Iwillfindyou
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ska8er View Post
"huehue"?
Im not getting across to you and Im not
going to fight cause Im not here for drama
but seems like you want your boyfriend to
not see his friends but only be with you and
that is being jealous and controlling. If he
wants to do that then so be it on his part
but then he has to watch that his "idol"
does not turn around and screw him.
I stand on that and Im not going to go
one on one with you further. I dont care
what you do.
I don't know what else to say to make you understand.

You're acting like if heavily prioritizing your friends was the only rational choice, and everything else was being controlled by your jealous GF.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 04:59 PM   #15
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

It is a really tough balance I think and maybe not. A friend said to me once that the friends are important to keep because if the relationship goes wrong you still have your friends to go on with. It is hard to come back to your friends for help, go out or just have a talk if you haven't talked to them for months. But of course your friends should also respect that you can't be with them just as much as you were not in a relationship.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 05:01 PM   #16
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneki View Post
It is a really tough balance I think and maybe not. A friend said to me once that the friends are important to keep because if the relationship goes wrong you still have your friends to go on with. It is hard to come back to your friends for help, go out or just have a talk if you haven't talked to them for months. But of course your friends should also respect that you can't be with them just as much as you were not in a relationship.
Likewise, if friendships go wrong, you still have your relationship.


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Old July 1st, 2020, 05:03 PM   #17
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

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Likewise, if friendships go wrong, you still have your relationship.
Yes but hopefully you have multiple friends and one relationship.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 06:12 PM   #18
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

I think a lot has to do with maturity... I mean I guess itís kinda natural, we have our friends that maybe we have known since we were little kids, while an actual relationship is more of a grown-up thing... we donít just grow up overnight, itís something that evolves over time... so Iím thinking itís probably not unusual for people, especially early on, to have trouble finding that balance between friends and their bf/gf... I mean I definitely try to make sure to spend time with my friends, I donít want to lose those relationships or forget about them just because I have a gf... and my gf realizes it... I donít think it is healthy for someone to expect their significant other to not have other friends... I like for my gf to have time wit her her friends too. But i definitely realize that my gf is gonna come first, I gotta take care of her and be there for her, especially now that sheís pregnant.
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Old July 1st, 2020, 06:44 PM   #19
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwillfindyou View Post
I don't know what else to say to make you understand.

You're acting like if heavily prioritizing your friends was the only rational choice, and everything else was being controlled by your jealous GF.
I actually think @ska8er is pretty spot on. See like I said earlier, just cause 2 people say hey letís be gf/bf whatever label, does not put that side of the relationship above relationships one person has had for a long period of time

Your BF/GF or whatever has prolly known his broís a lot longer time than you. And you want him to dump that???

No way!!!


No....your relationship with him may grow, change, BECOME stronger that what he has with his broís, but till then.....

Donít push that issue, youíll be seen as pushy, and heíll feel like he need to choose between you and him.
That being said, you very well may lose

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Old July 4th, 2020, 03:26 PM   #20
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Default Re: Do you always prioritise your friends over your girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just JT View Post
I actually think @ska8er is pretty spot on. See like I said earlier, just cause 2 people say hey let’s be gf/bf whatever label, does not put that side of the relationship above relationships one person has had for a long period of time

Your BF/GF or whatever has prolly known his bro’s a lot longer time than you. And you want him to dump that???

No way!!!


No....your relationship with him may grow, change, BECOME stronger that what he has with his bro’s, but till then.....

Don’t push that issue, you’ll be seen as pushy, and he’ll feel like he need to choose between you and him.
That being said, you very well may lose
Nope, it is NOT spot on.

I NEVER said that a bf or gf should be more important ANYWHERE. The first time it has been brought up was when ska8er wrote his comment.

I was expecting people on this forum to be supportive but instead I got a bunch of people calling me selfish for something I NEVER said in the first place. Oh well.
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