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Old December 31st, 2020, 09:09 PM   #1
SonOfSeven
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Default Pretty good; tired.

Ok, so, to cut ama long story short, I suffer from on again off again bouts of depression. I have done since I was about 14. When Im depressed I dont do any schoolwork, writing, I dont even play games. I feel like its all pointless. I also occasionally suffer from paranoia and self destructive behaviour. The Imp of the Perverse (written by Edgar Allen Poe, about his own self destructive tendencies) is the best example I can give of how that operates with me.

So about a year ago I had s revaluation: everything is meaningless, so why worry about it; why worry about something that in itself doesnt matter. And thats worked for a while, but I can feel the mood of depression still coming back.

Recently Ive been answering the question of how are you with: Im good. Followed immediately by: Im tired. If I say Im depressed I get asked why, and the truth is I dont know. I used to know why; I used to have intellectual reasons, philosophical reasons.. now I have nothing but a feeling.

I dont know why Im writing this, other than to get it out there. Because Im sick of saying:
Im fine.
Tired.
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Old January 1st, 2021, 09:39 AM   #2
HighVamp913
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Yea I feel you. It does get tiring masking. Keep your chin up.

Taste the rainbow
Admirer of the little things
Come get my ass

Lust and Love are D I F F E R E N T
R O M A N T I C and P L A T O N I C are D I F F E R E N T
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Old January 1st, 2021, 03:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so


Good Friend Kinda Romantic Ready to Rock


I dont care what theyre going to say. Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway. Elsa
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Old January 1st, 2021, 07:11 PM   #4
SonOfSeven
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BJade View Post
Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so
Yeah.. like all I want is a normal convo but I feel like the only way I can get it is by being honest, but by being honest I never get it.
God, people are weird
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Old January 2nd, 2021, 12:48 PM   #5
HighVamp913
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SonOfSeven View Post
Yeah.. like all I want is a normal convo but I feel like the only way I can get it is by being honest, but by being honest I never get it.
God, people are weird

Yeah tbh people make less sense than animals.

Taste the rainbow
Admirer of the little things
Come get my ass

Lust and Love are D I F F E R E N T
R O M A N T I C and P L A T O N I C are D I F F E R E N T
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Old January 2nd, 2021, 12:51 PM   #6
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BJade View Post
Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so


Then parents ask why we don't open up.

Taste the rainbow
Admirer of the little things
Come get my ass

Lust and Love are D I F F E R E N T
R O M A N T I C and P L A T O N I C are D I F F E R E N T
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Old January 3rd, 2021, 03:58 AM   #7
Second Chance
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SonOfSeven View Post
Ok, so, to cut ama long story short, I suffer from on again off again bouts of depression. I have done since I was about 14. When Im depressed I dont do any schoolwork, writing, I dont even play games. I feel like its all pointless. I also occasionally suffer from paranoia and self destructive behaviour. The Imp of the Perverse (written by Edgar Allen Poe, about his own self destructive tendencies) is the best example I can give of how that operates with me.

So about a year ago I had s revaluation: everything is meaningless, so why worry about it; why worry about something that in itself doesnt matter. And thats worked for a while, but I can feel the mood of depression still coming back.

Recently Ive been answering the question of how are you with: Im good. Followed immediately by: Im tired. If I say Im depressed I get asked why, and the truth is I dont know. I used to know why; I used to have intellectual reasons, philosophical reasons.. now I have nothing but a feeling.

I dont know why Im writing this, other than to get it out there. Because Im sick of saying:
Im fine.
Tired.
I can see where you are coming from if you feel by opening up you are going nowhere fast.

Just so I understand your perspective, what do you feel your biggest problems are? What caused your problem to start at 14, and were you a happy person before that point?
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Old January 10th, 2021, 11:45 AM   #8
Maxfun
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

This may sound cheesy, but it's OK to say you are not OK. If the people asking you are genuinely concerned on how you are, they would try and help you if you turned round and said now bad things were. Even the rant itself could help you feel better
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Old January 14th, 2021, 09:04 AM   #9
Mainjake
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Default Re: Pretty good; tired.

I have problems with depression too. I feel like theres not always something you can do about it. Sometimes I can distract myself from it and times I feel alot better but then it just creeps back for no reason whatsoever. I dont know how to help you but you're not alone.
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