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Old May 12th, 2019, 10:21 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 12, 2019
Gender: Undisclosed
Unhappy Problems in relationships

I was sexually abused when I was a child, and so I have issues with being touched and trusting people. Itís really bad when it comes to relationships. In all my relationships I have been described as distant and cold. I donít like giving hugs and being cuddled and I donít like kisses and being touched on my body and I donít like expressing my feelings and opening up. I guess when I think about it thereís no point in me being in a relationship if I canít do those things, right?
I feel angry about it. Because I want to be open and touchy but all of me is saying NO. I donít want to change, I feel like Iíll be vulnerable and then Iíll be used all over again. I just want to feel safe and out of reach of being controlled and taken advantage of. But itís like if I donít change then Iíll never be happy in relationships. And currently Iím with this guy who is amazing but I can feel us not working out because of me.
I wonder if anyone else has the same problem? Or at least some advice?
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Old May 13th, 2019, 06:58 PM   #2
Gone Away
Join Date: May 11, 2019
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Problems in relationships

I don't have that problem and really all I can tell you to do is get some professional help for this. I really think that is the only thing that is going to break this for you. I really have no answers on how to break that sort of anxiety and phobia you have of being touched because of the awful trauma you had to go through in your childhood. The only people I think that can help you with that sort of thing is people who are trained in that sort of thing.
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Old May 13th, 2019, 10:10 PM   #3
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Name: Andy
Join Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Problems in relationships

U have past experiences that troubles
u in getting close with people and starting
or getting into relationships. I would say
that try to make some kind of social contact
that would get u acquainted in making friends
which may lead to a relationship. Once u get
closer u can bring ur past and then tell them
that u need support cause things that happened
when u were small. If they like u as a friend they
will understand.
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Old May 15th, 2019, 03:02 PM   #4
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Name: Adam
Join Date: October 17, 2018
Location: London
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: Problems in relationships

I don't know how old you are or who you are living with now or what country yiou are fromso maybe what i say doesn't really relate to your situation but,,,
I was physically abused by my birth dad ( quite badly ) but not sexually. I have also had some messy foster placements but I am adopted now and its going well. My now dad is great but it tookk me about 3 years before I was able to let him hug me. Fortunately I could accept hugs from my now mum.
I am also a bit scared about relationships in real life.
So I guess I am saying that its not suprising you have those issues. Don't blame yourself for having them.
If you are under 18 in the uK find a school counsellor or someone you can trust.
Maybe a doctor can suggest some therapy or something.
All I can really say is good luck. For me things got better. Don't lose hope!
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Old June 9th, 2019, 03:28 PM   #5
Join Date: June 19, 2016
Gender: Female
Default Re: Problems in relationships

I had a very horrible be who beated me up put a knife to my throat push me in the road and other stuff. I ended the relationship between us. Nearly killed my self as I was so hurt but doctors helped me so much.
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Old June 19th, 2019, 12:15 AM   #6
Join Date: August 15, 2016
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Default Re: Problems in relationships

I was also abused quite a bit physically and sexually years ago so I definitely understand what you mean. My advice is to first try to talk to someone - be it a therapist/counselor or someone else that you trust in your life (i.e. a friend, or parent/guardian, a teacher, cousin, other relative, etc). Talking about it with someone can help a lot. It's probably not going to be easy to talk about it at first, perhaps you may need time - maybe months or a year or longer before you feel comfortable talking about it and that's fine. Just be patient with yourself. But at some point either in the near or distant future, talking about it will help a lot I think. In the meantime just take it one day at a time and just do your best when interacting with other people, always trying to keep in mind that they are probably not going to be jerks and that they probably aren't someone you need to be afraid of. Hope all goes well for you, good luck!
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