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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:27 PM   #1
yorkie
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Default Was i abused!?

Now ive read through a few posts and realised something worrying...i think:

Right, i love my dad just as much as any normal person, and i consider myself a normal person with a normal life (no freaky shit basically) but when i first watchef porn my dad found me on it (i was like 16, only just able to cum) while i was just basically staring at it.
My dad sat next to me and said "do you know whats happening?" 'obv.', then said "do you want to wank?" i had honestly nvr done it before and was really nervous so i said yes.
So i got out my dick and it was already bulging and then my dad got out his and startin wanking! I thort it was okay so i didit as well then he grabbed mine and did it so much better than me...i soon came and we nvr spoke of the matter again.

I assumed it was a natural normsl thing for him to show me how to do this but niw im not too sure.

P. S. Until recently i have led a fairly sheltred home-schooled life so sorry if im dense
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

I don't think you got abused, but I do think it's a little wierd that your dad wanked you.
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:33 PM   #3
yorkie
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

Okay well im glad to know i wasnt abused but is it really wierd for this to happen? I just assumed it was natural but just not very common
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:34 PM   #4
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

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Originally Posted by trouble View Post
I don't think you got abused, but I do think it's a little wierd that your dad wanked you.
Agreed, if you told him to stop and he did it anyway then it is abuse.

That is messed up though.






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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

Puberty For Boys Abuse

That is extremely weird, morally wrong, and I'm pretty sure illegal. I have no idea why in your fathers right mind he would do that, and I'm having a hard time believing this, although you seem serious about it.

This really should never happen to anyone.

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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:40 PM   #6
yorkie
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

Really thanks guys but a feel bad and guilty and well dirty... What do i do? Where do i go from here?
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:44 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by yorkie View Post
Really thanks guys but a feel bad and guilty and well dirty... What do i do? Where do i go from here?
If you feel bad and guilty don't do it again. If it really bothers you, talk to your dad about it and then he will know how you feel about what happened.






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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:47 PM   #8
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

I jus dont think its rite he jus tossed u off like dat u shud confront him if it makes u feel bad dude
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:52 PM   #9
yorkie
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

The thing is i cant confront him (and for reasons i wont, dont want to go into). I dont think i can just make peace with it. It just feels as of a part of me has been taken away, my first experience like this and it turns out to be something wrong... And by domeone i loved...
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Old September 12th, 2009, 07:56 PM   #10
tripolar
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

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Originally Posted by yorkie View Post
The thing is i cant confront him (and for reasons i wont, dont want to go into). I dont think i can just make peace with it. It just feels as of a part of me has been taken away, my first experience like this and it turns out to be something wrong... And by domeone i loved...
It would be hard to talk about something like that it's understandable. You can try to talk to someone else that you trust and see if you can sort it all out, or you can give it time and see if you can get over that.






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Old September 13th, 2009, 09:07 AM   #11
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

If a friend showed you how to do it, it would be pretty normal. It's very strange for a parent to do this, but if you and your dad are like...best friends, or completely open with eachother, then I can see how this can happen. It's unusual for a parent and a child to be completely open about sexuality.
Weather or not this was sexual abuse depends on afew things; weather you view your dad as an authority figure or a friend. If it's the latter, then chances are he was just trying to help you, not start anything sexual between you. The fact you were watching porn is crucially important; the porn was the sexual focus for both of you, not eachother. The fact he asked you if you wanted to means that he put you in control of the situation, he wasn't making sexual advances or forcing anything. If you're relationship with your dad is more like two guy friends, I'd not think too much of this.
However, this should not be happening. I hope it was a one-off. I can sort of be understanding of a dad wanting to show his son the best thing about being a guy and not condemn him as a paedo, but if there was any other sexual contact between you after that, it's a serious problem.

If a parent walks in on a kid watching porn or wanking, he has 3 choices;
*Tell the kid off. This is likely to make the kid ashamed of sexuality, and feel guilty every time.
*Turn around and walk out. Probably the most common approach, but is embarrasing and again, makes the kid feel guilty or ashamed.
*Talk to them supportively about it or even join in. A rare approach, and with good reason. This skirts the fine line between good parenting and paedophilia. If a kid is subject to this, it's likely to be embarrassing and could make them even more confused about boundaries and sexuality.

Personally, I'd say all three techniques are damaging. It's a no-win situation. That's why its so important for kids, even in the most supportive families, not to be caught; whichever way their parents react is going to cause trauma.

Last edited by Waka; September 13th, 2009 at 09:18 AM.
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Old September 14th, 2009, 05:21 AM   #12
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

I know it will be hard, but don't feel guilty about this. It wasn't your fault it happened and it doesn't make you bad or dirty.

It was wrong of him to do that and yes, it is sexual abuse.

Where you go from here is up to you really.
There are organisations that can help you deal with any issues that have arisen from this. Survivors UK is the one I'm thinking of and it is purely for males. They also have
And of course we can support you with any thoughts and feelings you experience too.


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

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Old September 14th, 2009, 05:10 PM   #13
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

I wouldnt call it abuse, unless you asked him to stop... A bit odd though.

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Old September 19th, 2009, 03:43 PM   #14
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

This is really Weird.

a questions for you..

Has he ever tried to touch you inappropiatly?
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Old September 19th, 2009, 03:47 PM   #15
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

I think at your age, you should have been able to determine that is really weird. You should probably seek professional help, even though it may not seem like a problem it clearly is if its still affecting you. Considering your profile says you are now 19. Yeah I would suggest getting some help, he should have never done that to you.
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Old September 19th, 2009, 03:54 PM   #16
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

Aye, matey, judging by the description of the circumstances ye be givin', 't ain't abuse as far as I be concerned. 'tis disturbing, though...

JC
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Old September 20th, 2009, 05:05 PM   #17
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

i do think it is wrong but at least your dad is cool with it :d
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Old September 20th, 2009, 05:08 PM   #18
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

Ok, the terms "duty of care" and "position of trust" spring to mind.
Doesn't it to anyone else...


~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~

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Old October 11th, 2009, 08:57 PM   #19
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

i would say this is very odd, and not normal. a dad should never be touching his son's cock in a sexual way (wanking you off), that is just plain wrong.

my advice, it was a one time thing, just try and forget about it, and as long as it does not happen again, it is nothing to be worried about.
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Old November 5th, 2009, 04:04 AM   #20
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Default Re: Was i abused!?

if you're so unsure that you've had to ask, then it was wrong
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