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Old February 12th, 2021, 09:01 PM   #1
Will..
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Name: Will
Join Date: April 16, 2019
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Default I don't know what to do and need help

I found out my friend has been feeling suicidal and overwhelmed by everything. He seems better now but the things he was talking about were only a few days ago. He has told a few people and I think they have helped him and I have tried my best too but I don't know what to do or say. I hope none of the large number of fake people look in this part of the forums but if they are, please don't talk to me.

I need help and I would like it if you could pm me any advice
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Old March 20th, 2021, 03:41 AM   #2
Second Chance
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Default Re: I don't know what to do and need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will.. View Post
I found out my friend has been feeling suicidal and overwhelmed by everything. He seems better now but the things he was talking about were only a few days ago. He has told a few people and I think they have helped him and I have tried my best too but I don't know what to do or say. I hope none of the large number of fake people look in this part of the forums but if they are, please don't talk to me.

I need help and I would like it if you could pm me any advice
I know in your post you had asked people to PM you advice, but I figured your question is a very good one that could benefit other people who are in the same situation.

What I will say is that when someone is suicidal there are going to be a lot of things going on in their life that you may not completely understand. The person who you thought you knew may actually be someone different below the surface. Especially if your friend is a teenager, then as a part of going through puberty his brain chemistry might have been thrown off by hormones which would not have been the case when you both were children. Puberty is not only a time of physical development but also mental meaning that sometimes growth hormones can have a negative effect on one's brain if there is a chemical imbalance. Where I am going with all of this is that your friend might not even know what is wrong because mental health issues can be really confusing. Unlike a physical issue like a broken bone that you can easily pinpoint through some scan like an X-ray, mental health issues are far more difficult to understand. Sadly, many mental health professionals do not employ brain scans and that sort of thing which sometimes can show a physical link to a mental health issue. I do not mean to say that all mental health issues can be attributed to some sort of neuroscience because the reality is that many different issues can be at the root of your friend's problems not the least of which can be emotional trauma or some sort of life event. The point is that for your friend to have reached the point of suicide means there are a lot of complexities that have reached the point that they have overwhelmed your friend and are causing him a lot of pain.

In your case, I think the best you can do is be there for your friend. I know that sounds simplistic, but what I mean by that is that you should be someone around whom your friend can feel like he can be himself as opposed to being something he is not. Many times suicidal people put on masks and pretend to be something they are not because they are afraid that if others saw them for who they are that they would be rejected. If your friendship is a sound one and is strong, then you have to let your friend know that no matter how he is and how he is really like that you want to be there for him. What could happen is you could see a side of your friend that might be scary or something you cannot understand. If that happens, then make sure you involve his parents and your parents so that if you get scared or see something you do not understand you can put things into context. Your friend may not seem like himself or could be like a zombie if he is on medication. The most important thing is as opposed to trying to get your friend to be who he was evolve with him and accept him for who he is now in the hopes that your friend will eventually return to the person who you liked enough to make him your friend. Many times simple things just being there with your friend even if it is for a short time everyday can make a big difference. Even if it is a short walk to the park or doing something he likes that is not too stressful, then that can make a difference. I would not bring up issues unless he does, and if the issue in question is above your head, then it is best to listen while also letting him know that you do not know the answer but really care to at least hear him out. Obviously, if you hear things that are troubling, then you should let your friend's parents/guardians know even if your friend tells you to keep things secret. As seen through problems in society many times when people are silent about issues is how people can cause trouble for others.

It is scary for your friend to be in the position in which he finds himself because he is almost like an infant with everyone looking in on him and with his not having freedom because everyone is so afraid that he might hurt himself. Losing freedom and having people view one as being broken can make issues worse than they are. As a result, your best bet is to let your friend know that you do not view him as broken or as someone who is a freak of nature and that your friendship is the same. Again, providing a sense of normalcy while also letting your friend know he can be himself without putting on a mask is the best way to go.

I know your situation is complicated, and do not get frustrated if your friend is not responding. Working with your friend's parents, family, therapist, and your own parents is the best way to go. If you all work as a team, then you help your friend out. More than anything, letting your friend know that he is not broken and that you do not view him differently will go a long way to helping him. Just let him know that everyone goes through valleys and that you are there to help him get back up.

I hope that things work out for you and your friend.
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Old March 20th, 2021, 05:53 PM   #3
Atlantis
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Default Re: I don't know what to do and need help

I can see that the OP hasn't been online since he posted this, but I think it's important to post this here in case anyone else stops by and sees this.

Coming from someone who is feeling the same way as your friend at the moment, even I don't know exactly what I want people to say to me so it's understandable that you don't know either. It's an encouraging sign that he feels comfortable in telling you this, shows you have a good friendship. Also these thoughts can come and go - so he might be better at the moment... but the next day he might not be. You've just got to be there.


-MIKE WAS HERE-

*Mars was here
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