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Health Log #1 *Possible Trigger Warning*

Posted September 4th, 2015 at 01:35 AM by ObliviousCat
Tags health, log, sick, weight

Unfortunately, for anyone who's been reading my blog entries, this post isn't going to be like my other ones. Fair warning: this isn't going to be a very happy or good post. This isn't for attention but mainly for myself. This will be something I can look back to in the future when I'm (hopefully) better and healthier. Perhaps if I'm giving up on trying to get a healthier mind and body, reading how much pain I've been in today will help me to think twice.

For starters, I didn't wake up until 2pm today, meaning I unintentionally skipped breakfast and lunch. I've been having recurring symptoms for the past 2-3 months...usually by the time I wake up and they don't subside until hours or occasionally a day later. The symptoms include migraines, body aches, and nausea with or without vomiting. I felt horrible today. I made myself cup noodles in an attempt to eat...the smell of it made me want to hurl. This is very strange for me because it's actually one of my favorite smells. The worst part about this was realizing what's happened to my body. It's very difficult for me to gain weight as I have a high metabolism. I recovered from anorexia almost 1 year back but now I'm underweight again...weighing 94 lbs last time I was checked. My hipbones and ribs are becoming prominent once again...my stomach is completely flat. I'm trying my best to eat more but I can't seem to gain any weight and me being so horribly sick today didn't help at all because when I'm sick like this I can't eat or drink. I think this is due to my weight and possibly my depression.

I'm feeling better now while I write about this. My mother works from 7am-4:30pm and gets home at around 7pm so I was home alone the whole day. I wasn't able to take any medicine (hidden) so I just had to deal with it. :/ My mom came home with some supplies for the kitten I'm getting along with saltine crackers and tomato soup...so I ate half a can of soup and a whole bag of crackers. I drank less than half of 1 bottled water.

I'm scared wondering what could or what's going to happen to me. I don't want my weight to go down anymore and I hate feeling this way. I really want and need to gain weight but it's so hard for me.
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