So, if you didn't read my thread in The White Padded Room already:

My friend Lynn was recently caught on fire and has 3rd degree burns on over half of her body. She had to be Life Flighted to Portland and is going to be in OHSU making a recovery for a month and a half at least.

Through the place where I used to work at (and where Lynn works), we're going to do a fundraiser, and all former and current employees are donating their time, no pay at all to raise money for...

I'm acting like a selfish child right now and frankly, I don't give a flying fuck.

I don't understand.
Why is it that when I finally start to get a glimpse of hope, I get pushed back down?

I made an appointment with a new psychologist yesterday.
I get a call back today,
And they say that they cancelled my appointment because they thought I'd be better off going to someone else.

I get it, they think that they're helping me by referring...

I can't stop hyperventilating.
I can't stop crying.
I can't stop the past from taking over my head.
I'm completely flooded right now.
I feel like that lonely and neglected 14 year old.
I'm drowning in the freezing cold water of her mind.
My heart is reeling right now.
I'm so tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I'm tired of having to swallow everything down.
She just doesn't want to be hurt so horribly like so many times before....

First: I'd like to start off by apologizing. I feel like I've just been annoying you all to tears lately with my openness about being depressed and whatnot. Maybe I should just keep a lot of it to myself, I hate to appear needy. Second: I've found it... my way up... thanks to this song and a lot of insight and hard thinking. Of course I'm still going to fall flat on my face on this road to recovery, there's no questioning that. But this song seems to be a huge pick-me-up for me because it completely...

I can't find the right word for this feeling that I've been experiencing for the last few days.

I'm thinking without really thinking.
I'm empty.
I'm hopeful.
I'm disgusted with myself, yet I don't know why.
I'm becoming withdrawn again.

It isn't sadness,
But it isn't joy.

Everything feels like it's an illusion.

It's like I'm not here, yet I am.

Lonely?