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Who NOT to call when planning your suicide:

Posted April 13th, 2009 at 10:09 PM by Vermillion

Me. Do not call me if you ever have a gun to your head and you're ready to shoot. Don't do it.

Story Time:
My friend the other night called me around 2 in the morning. He lives in California and I in Texas, and he was aware of the time shift. Me, being one to always be there for my friends (Even if I don't like that friend) picked up my phone. Daniel, my ex boyfriend, mind you, was sobbing. My heart immediately stopped as I figured why he called me.

"I tried to kill myself," he muttered after gulps of air. "What happened?" My heart went from 0 to 60 in 2.3 seconds, "0" being that state of mind where the dawn of something bad happening hits you, and "60" being the moment where you realize that someone's fate was suddenly thrusted upon you without your obligation. "WHAT HAPPENED!!" My eyes frantically search the empty space about me as more tears shreaded my phones speaker.

Daniel then went on to tell me how his Dad is, in a sense, worthless. His dad told Daniel that he's a piece of shit, and that he wouldn't care if he killed himself. What proceeded was 30 minutes of me trying in my best effort to give him good reasons why he should pull the trigger on a gun that, in all of my knowledge, was loaded and at this forehead. "No one cares about me, man!"
"Don't say that! You know that I do. Granted, I haven't seen you once in my life but I DO care about you!" What all comes next is the reason why you should NOT talk to me if you're on the threshold.
"Well," Daniel's voice was still quivering, mind you, though the sobs were slowing. "My dad doesn't care about me, and before you I first called my best friend. I told her what I was about to do and she said 'Get over it, I'm tired', and hung up on me."

Silence. Then I managed, "Weeell... Er, you sound JUST like me!" Call it levity, but the moment I began to compare my lives was a mistake. What then ensued was me explain how I made it through such a state. Ya' know how the connection failed? Its because of the simple fact that I'm not Daniel. "Well I'm going to count down from 30," he stated. A gun could be heard cocking. "Say what you will, now; go ahead." My eyes began to flow with liquid emotion as I summed up all I've been trying to say. In the amount of time it takes to heat a Pop-Tart, he finished with, "I would hang up the phone now, if I were you." Through gulps and devestaion, I muttered, "Okay..." (Another reason why I'm not good playing Child Helpline, you NEVER are supposed to hang up on 'em). He half managed a "Peac--
" before I hung up, in a state of fear and shock. The feeling of powerlessness was sickening to my stomach, and I did what all men could do in such a situation, and cried. I could hear the gun going off and the bullet speeding through Daniel's skull. Blood splattering the walls and floor and blood dripping down his face as his body, lifeless and cold, fell to the floor. Daniel's little brother running up the steps, as I'd be damned if his deadbeat father would, and finding his older brother with the look of a thousand pains engraved on to his face like scripture into stone.

I imagine all of that and it all stung, and-- "Hello?" It was Daniel. The chamber of the gun was empty.

From that moment on I then realized the power of the human will. For all I know, Daniel was puttiing on an attention-seeking show, but you know what? I don't regret anything I did that night. Sure, I could've done better and said better, but I was nearly clueless. I didn't save Daniel, though. For that I do not want credit for. It was, from my understand that by, mark this, devine intervention the poor child was still alive. And even if you're not religious at all, something outter wordly happened that night. Something told me to talk to Daniel at 2 AM, even AFTER he broke up with me with the dumbest statement ever: "You're too clingy".

Well, all in all, it turned out for the better. The clock was approaching 3 AM and up until then, Daniel and I talked some more and sang songs together like the lame lot that we are. I coaxed back outta him his douchebag, mother f*cking mean-ass attitude and the deal was done. "Caleb," he inquire before I hopped back into bed. "Yeah?" My cheek was how from the shit load radio waves attacking my face. We had been talking for an hour and forty minutes.
"Why do you care so much about me? If I'm such an asshole and so mean, why--"
"I don't know Daniel." I thought for a moment, and then added, "Have you seen that movie Iron Man? Do you know how Tony Stark us such a dickhead but many people like him? You're like him. I honestly, though I've never met you, believe you're a good person, and your dickhead personality is just-- I don't know man. I just like you and care about you because you're you". I doubt Daniel understood it, but he then was calmed and seemed back to normal. We hung up our phones and I lied down to think about all that could've gone down that night. I then, oh so fabulously, then cried myself to sleep.
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  1. Old Comment
    I read this, and even though I'm not sure what to say, I wanted you to know that I read it.
    Posted April 14th, 2009 at 05:10 AM by nachtspiegel nachtspiegel is offline

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