Questions, long read, freaking out...

[Hewhohasnoriches]

Lately I've come to realize that I'm not as straight as I thought.

I'm typically pressured to look in the direction of and think about some of my friends' genital areas. It doesn't usually give me an erection.

I usually get strong erections for girls and weaker to no erections for guys.

When I think about gay sex, on impulse I look down on it. Not that I have anything against gays, but it doesn't feel like something I should be thinking of. Whereas with girls, it feels more "acceptable".

My female attraction is strong, but I wonder if it's possible that I'm oversexualizing them, since attractions to guys where previously unheard of to me.

Some of the fantasies that I've had about guys give me an erection, but not all of them. It's been more frequent for girls.

I find quite a few guys handsome and cute. I can say that they look fine, beautiful even. The same could be said for girls though.

Is it really a homoerotic attraction when you look at a guy's penis and think of your own? When you think of how good it feels to have an erection?

Most people would say that I'm probably just curious, but can you still be curious at 16 years of age? I'm turning 17 this year. When I was in junior high, I wouldn't be in the change room and be aroused by any of the guys there. Maybe I'd say that they look good, but I wouldn't go home and think about them.

Perhaps puberty's progressing later for me?

I've been very infatuated with girls, you could say I've been in love with a few of them, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's love or lust.

I'm also being to question whether the emotional feelings I have for other men are that of a friendly nature or of a romantic one. I mean, I care about my friends and really admire their attitudes. I enjoy being with them, is that gay?

I don't think that I'd actually let a guy have sex with me or kiss me, and even if I let it happen, I'm not sure if I'd care about it, aside from the potential weirdness of it all. I think if anything, I could be okay with it, but it wouldn't really be something mind-blowing or anything.

I feel like I'm just trying to find an excuse for being straight. However, if it wasn't for a bunch of shady masturbation sessions, I don't think I'd be worrying as much about this stuff. I'd probably still be thinking that I'm straight.

It was one time in August last year where I was testing my orientation, and it didn't really go the way I wanted.

Am I worrying about nothing? Am I still curious? The thing that's really getting at me is my tendencies to think homosexually, even with my female attractions and even when I don't get erections because of them.

Is there some sort of mental block that I've created that keeps me away from getting gay attractions, therefore stating that I have an innate homosexuality that I've suppressed all these years?

I really need to chill out about this, but it's hard when you try to be friends with other guys when you're being pressured that you fancy other guys.

Sorry if it's too long to read, but I don't want to have to use multiple threads to articulate the same emotions I've been feeling lately. I'm starting to wonder if I can even have girlfriends.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Just needed a place to discuss this.

[Starlight Blaze]

well you still could be curious or it could be what was it called...
i think this is how you would say it: heterosexual and biromantic
but that may not be right, you could still go completely either way
Don't worry, you only have like a year or two until all the curiosity should stop
so just give it a little time

[Severus Snape]

It is possible you might be falling more into a "male adoration" complex than actual homosexual behavior. "Adoration" is characterized by comparing your own dimensions and features to those of other guys. It follows that some sort of arousal may result because you see in others certain ideal features that you value. Only you can be the judge of whether or not you feel something stronger towards guys, but you seem less gay and more straight to me by the way you describe the issue.

[Hewhohasnoriches]

@Severus Snape: I guess it could be adoration, but again Ive always been thinking that I'm avoiding calling it "love" or "romance" and that's what's screwing with me right now. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I think about the other sex. I haven't had a girlfriend for over four years.

Like I said, I'm beginning to think that I've only ever lusted for girls and never actually loved them, or wanted to. If I date again, I want the person in question to be someone whom I actually want to be with, not someone I just want to fuck.

It doesn't help that I don't talk to girls much and have never had things go very smoothly with one, especially the ones I like.

I actually think I've gotten more misogynist from when I was younger... whereas I'm almost enjoying a few of these gay attractions while feeling awkward at the same time. Could it just be the fact that it's the thought of sexuality or hormones?

This shit used to be so mundane. I wouldn't worry about it like I am now. I'd want to hang with the more popular guys because I thought they were cool. I wanted to get to know some guys because I thought that they were good-looking. Everything's all over the place.

[Starlight Blaze]

It could still be hormones, more unlikely, but it could be.
Nobody knows except for you.
Sorry not too much help, am I?

[Sosaku]

(i'm sleepy so i may have NOT understood this but...)

a straight guy can have a "Guy crush" on many guys. You may think they are sexy people lol. Doesn't make you gay. nothing "makes" you gay until you say you are. I could walk down a hall, holding hands with a guy, and say i'm straight. because its just a label.....

[smitty35]

I think that there are 2 possibilities for you: you are str8 curious or bi. And yes you can still be curious at 16. Also, the reason I dont think you are gay is because you have a sexual and emotional atraction to girls.

[Hewhohasnoriches]

Makes sense. I've already sort of ruled out the fact that I could be gay. Thanks for the feedback, guys. I really need to learn how to cooldown about this stuff though. Like everytime that there's the possibility of me getting an erection for a guy, I get really nervous and afraid. I try to keep my composure, but it really does get quite hectic.

But yeah, thanks for the comments so far. I really appreciate them. :)