I might have Leukemia

[Nevermore]

So I went to the doctors. There is another reason I've been losing weight. I have something physically wrong with me as well as the eating disorder. She mentioned leukemia, also 3 other things as possibilities, they're long names taht I can not pronounce. So I'm getting my blood drawn soon. I was supposed to 4 days ago. I asked my mom if she was worried, becuase I am. She said no, why would I be, I'm too busy worrying about everyone else and your mental shit to worry about something like that right now. I'm like thanks mom. Love ya too. </3 That crushed me. Here I've been worrying about the worst scenario, dying, and how people around me will take it, and she comes up with a bloody thing like that to say! >.< I started crying, I didn't let her see. It's still bothering me, that she doesn't care. She's like it's your eating disorder, I wanted to weigh out the possibilities of other things. I'm like the doctor clearly told us. *face palm* I think she's in denial about it. I need to get my blood drawn. Because it could also be diabetsis. How do I approach a non caring parent? I think the only person who care are my boyfriend and his mom, I told them. I regret doing so, because they are scared. I dont' want to scare people or make them sad or worried, I just need to talk about it. Yeah know? Like, I have all my worries bottled up inside, and I need someone to talk to.
I forgot to add that I have most of the symtoms for leukemia. So it's pretty serious.

[Syvelocin]

If you don't feel like you have anyone around you can talk to, please feel free to talk to me about this. You might find that, in this case, it would be helpful beyond other situations to talk to me :hug:

It's hard. I don't think she'll really get it until you have an official diagnosis and meds/treatment coming your way. Since it's not a sure-fire thing, though it is serious, it is quite possible she's trying to hold onto that little bit of hope, and won't worry about it until it's something she actually has to deal with. I think it's not the best way to handle it for now, but that's how some people handle it. Some, like your boyfriend and his mum, really freak out, and some sit in denial until they can't take it. A lot of my outside family went the denial route, my immediate family really freaked out.

Don't worry about them being scared. I know that this is something you want to tell people, and don't regret telling them, because especially since your mother isn't getting it yet, you definitely need to let it out. They might be scared, but you let them in on something important, that you can share. That means something. Honestly, I think they'd rather know and be scared than be left in the dark for a while, so they, at least, can support you through this.

The most important thing, is how you're taking it and coping with it. You'll get used to it later, trust me, but there's nothing like the first time it's ever brought up as a possibility. We always have that mentality, whether we like it or not, that it "can't possibly happen to me." And when it does, it's a shock to the system isn't it? You'll get over it, but you'll have to learn to deal with the people around you who can't get over it as easily and as soon as you will. It'll die down and you'll be quite settled with the prospect. It will become normal, hell, you might even get used to the fact that it might be terminal. But the people around you, they won't. That's always the hard part. It's not that you have this illness, but that the people around you will have issues dealing. You just have to stay strong for yourself, and them, to help them along with the process.

Hopefully, it is diabetes. But if it is leukaemia, or the other things your doctor mentioned, I feel for you, and I hope that you'll be able to deal with it, as well as your family and friends. I wish you the best. Like I said, please talk to me :) If I haven't been helpful already, I think I might be able to be so while you're dealing with this.

[Nevermore]

Thank you so much Rith. :) <333 I really appreciate knowing someone's here to talk to, that won't freak out, or get angry, or completely deny it. You're right, this is probably the way she is coping with it. Espeically going through cancer herself, she is probably denying it as a way of coping.
What happened to you, if I may ask, that made your parents freak out? I'm sorry you dont' have to answer it, if it's too personal. I'm terrified about my boyfriend dealing with it. That's the reason I told his mom, to watch out for him, if things take a turn for the worst. I'm extremely worried about him, and how he'd deal with it. Very true, they would like to know, then being left in the dark.
I haven't really thought about it. The only part that scares me is the fact it's not in my control. A few years ago, I attempted suicide, I wanted to die, I still have those thoughts, but now that it's not in my control, I'm not okay with it. I know that sounds horribly stupid, you'd think I'd welcome leukemia with open arms, but no, I'm not. I'm worried about leaving everyone and how they'd take it. I guess you can say I'm sort of in the denial stage. I don't want to find out, but at the same time, it's necessary. That's going to be hard. If it is terminal, oh gosh. I don't know how I'll take it. Especially the people around me. Thank you so much Rith! And same :) <3 I think I'll pm you about this!! Or email you if your email address in public. :)

[Syvelocin]

You're welcome, love :)

Well, my blood father decided to keep the fact that he had HIV to himself. I think from there it's kind of obvious how that went down.

Yeah, there's something about suicide that has that control. That's what I hate about this, because you just don't know when and how it will end. Suicide, you can control what it is and when it happens. Like you said, it's not always scared for yourself, but scared for the people around you. That's all I think about. I couldn't care less at this point if I was gone, but it's how family and friends will deal with it. They have to suffer not only while you have the disease, but when they lose you. It's a difficult situation, but I find, it's all about optimism and keeping your hopes up.

Either way, I'd be happy to talk to you :) It's up to you whether it's by PM or e-mail.

[Nevermore]

Thank you Rith <3
Aww that's horrible I"m so sorry to hear that *huggles*.