No empathy

[Revolution]

It's been.. nearly 2 years now.. I can't even remember how it feels, to feel.

I would never harm anyone, nor wish them harm; yet i know that if everyone i knew died.. No tears would be shed and I'm struggling to see the light in this dark tunnel that is my life.

I cut to try and feel something, anything!

I would give so much to be able to cry and i don't know how much longer i can last :(

I've basically wrote this thread 3 times this week but couldn't bring myself to post it. I put on a mask and lie to everyone around me, why is it so easy?? I can barely speak to the cashier at the shops without having a panic attack. 'I need to go home, NEED TO GO HOME FAST! Can't breath, HELP'

I can only see one way out and i think about it every waking minute, yet here i am on the internet writing my life on a forum; pretending it will change anything. I'm such a coward!

[anonymous53]

This might sound like something you've heard so many times before, but it's not worth it. Things will get much better Rev. Just relax, take a few breaths. So many people will miss you. Listen to some music, is there anyone you can tell or go to at all? Just please don't do it.

[Revolution]

I wish there was someone, i live alone because of personal reasons. I see my relatives once a month or so, the closest person to me would be my mum i guess. I could never mention anything to her though, she is a good mother i would never doubt that. But she thinks she has to control everything, when she found out i smoked she went all depressed; blamed it on herself, etc.

I can't imagine how she would react if i told her i self harm, let alone everything else i've been going through.

I have suicidal thoughts all the time, but i don't think i'm ready to let go just yet; i appreciate your concern though, thankyou.

[anonymous53]

Well if you ever need to message me somehow I'll give you my aim or yahoo if you need to talk. It's good you aren't going to let go.... stay strong