Friends and Cutting

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

My friends don't know that I self harm (well I haven't hurt my self in three weeks :) ) but we've talked about self harm before. Thier opinions on self harm is that you'd have to be completly crazy to do anything like that to your self, and that it's such a self fish act. I've come so close to telling them about my self harm before we had these discussions, but I'm so glad I never did. If they can be so...judgemental and scrutinizing when we talked about Demi Lovato, I can't imagine how they'd act if they found out about me. So besides the people on VT, I'm the only one that knows about any of this. It's getting harder though, keeping this all to myself. But I'm not willing to tell anyone. They'll send me to the hospital, and this will go on my record (happend to this girls who was my friend) and people just wont look at me the same. The only friend that could some what relate, would be my friend Al. She tried to harm her self with a knife...IN SCHOOL. ( I'm not supposed to know that) But at the moment, I really, really dislike her. I can't even stand to look at her, so I've been ignoring her (long story...I'll explain it another time) Plus, i doubt she'd keep it a secret, especially after I accidentally slipped out to my friend Kayree that Al didn't like her. So...Al's...a big no no.... If I told anyone else, they'd get mad at me, because I seem to have an easy life out of all of them. I've dealt with my past already, but it's not like any of them, could understand anything I'm trying to make sense. The memories are just..painful sometimes.

I can't describe how I feel. Like,I guess I feel like no one cares enough to look beyond the fake smiles; the bitchy comments, and come backs, to hide any emotion that could cause me to break down. It's like there's two of me. I can't explain any of it, it just makes more sense in my head. Like it's jsut always "Me, me, me.." in this stupid place I call my home town. My family loves me sure, but I couldn't do this to them. They deal with enough of my crap..

Does anyone else feel like this? Also, have any of your friends know about your self harm, and how did they react?

[anonymous53]

I felt the same way before some of my friends found out... They found out by an accident; are there any of them you can try to talk to them seriously? Like ask each one of them on their views on cutting etc, in a serious question.... Sometimes they might even have done it before. Most of my friends who found out (Besides the first person...long story.) have been really supportive, and are almost always there when I need someone to talk to.

My suggestion, if there is one you can trust with anything no matter what it is..try telling them, bring it up in a roundabout way with a question like "What would you do if I had ever injured myself on purpose?"

[Indecision]

I guess I've just been lucky. All the people so far have done it too, out of pure luck I told them. Also, I find it easier to talk to boys about it, not because I'm a flirt. Just talking to girls about it, I always feel as if i'm competing about who's cut the deepest etc (Not that i'm proud of it. Noo way.) I guess it's just all about making new friends then finding something different. I've noticed people who have never done it before don't know what it's like, they don't understand. But Good Luck.x

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

I told my friend Al. She didn't make a big deal out of it, she just admitted she's done it before too (she doesn't know I've known about her cutting for about 4 months) I'm glad I can talk to atleast one friend.

[anonymous53]

One friend is better than none :)

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

yeah, I'm glad I told her. I just hope she keeps her promise about not telling anybody.