Locking in my future :S

[Xperienced]

Hi All,

I'm new to VirtualTeen and thought I would start by posting because I need a lot of help. Anyways I will fill you in on my situation first off.

So I have known I liked guys sexually since I was about 12 and I'm 17 now so I no longer count myself as curious. So last year I met the most amazing guy and we started going out, I moved out of home and live with him (he is 36) and he supports me financially and allows me to do whatever I want and no sexual pressure. Before anyone says anything, it was perfectly legal and I left home because I was abused by my Step-Dad both sexually and physically since I was 10. My boyfriend said I could move in and he works during the day and I stay at home, having dropped out of school at the end of Year 10. My parents dont care I was gone and I am very happy living with my boyfriend.

He is very nice and never suggested that we should do anything sexually. At first we used to sleep in the same bed and would masturbate together but that was it, then I progressed things after a few months and things went from their. We now do it every night and I am very happy with the whole situation. After a few months I asked him if he would ever consider a threesome and he said no and would not consider it. Now I understand that but my problem is that I have only ever had sexual experiences with him and my step dad and I feel like I am locking myself into this situation. On an emotional side its fine because I love him endlessly, he earns a fair bit and supports me financially so I get to stay at home all day and do what I want and everything is amazing but I just dont know. I feel like the longer our relationship goes on the more permanent it becomes which is fantastic because it honestly is perfect but I dont know if I should ask him if I can experiment with other guys because he has lots of experience with other guys and I have none. Or should I just accept it and go with it? I know I have an amazing life and am with the most amazing guy.

I know its not usual for a 17 year old to date a 36 year old but please dont judge me, he is very attractive and just all round amazing and age doesnt matter :)

[Fushigi]

yea you are right age doesn't matter... and if you really love him and your happy with him.. i guess there is nothing wrong with it... but i think you should be ready on what the others will think and say about ur relationship with a 36 year old man... well u must know that, and i would suggest not to care about what will others say to you ... and i hope ur ready on the consequences that u will encounter for having an older guy as ur bf.. well having the person you love the most is the best thing in the world... good luck ... ;)

[CantLiveWithoutYou]

What the flying fuck does this have to do with puberty? This should be a blog post not a thread, as well, there's no question in it.

[Rayquaza]

You know what? That sounds like an incredibly moving story and you should stay with him. he sounds like a nice guy, and as long as you're happy, you needn't care what anyone else thinks, and I am so sorry about what happened between you and your stepdad, as long as you're happy now thats all that counts.

[ghostbom]

I'm sorry to hear about your step-father too! I would suggest that you gage how important it is to you that you have experiences with other guys/girls! If it is important to you, then sit down with your partner and try and ask him, making sure not to over-step his boundries. Hope this helps :)

[CaptainObvious]

Hi All,

I'm new to VirtualTeen and thought I would start by posting because I need a lot of help. Anyways I will fill you in on my situation first off.

So I have known I liked guys sexually since I was about 12 and I'm 17 now so I no longer count myself as curious. So last year I met the most amazing guy and we started going out, I moved out of home and live with him (he is 36) and he supports me financially and allows me to do whatever I want and no sexual pressure. Before anyone says anything, it was perfectly legal and I left home because I was abused by my Step-Dad both sexually and physically since I was 10. My boyfriend said I could move in and he works during the day and I stay at home, having dropped out of school at the end of Year 10. My parents dont care I was gone and I am very happy living with my boyfriend.

He is very nice and never suggested that we should do anything sexually. At first we used to sleep in the same bed and would masturbate together but that was it, then I progressed things after a few months and things went from their. We now do it every night and I am very happy with the whole situation. After a few months I asked him if he would ever consider a threesome and he said no and would not consider it. Now I understand that but my problem is that I have only ever had sexual experiences with him and my step dad and I feel like I am locking myself into this situation. On an emotional side its fine because I love him endlessly, he earns a fair bit and supports me financially so I get to stay at home all day and do what I want and everything is amazing but I just dont know. I feel like the longer our relationship goes on the more permanent it becomes which is fantastic because it honestly is perfect but I dont know if I should ask him if I can experiment with other guys because he has lots of experience with other guys and I have none. Or should I just accept it and go with it? I know I have an amazing life and am with the most amazing guy.

I know its not usual for a 17 year old to date a 36 year old but please dont judge me, he is very attractive and just all round amazing and age doesnt matter :)

age doesn't matter? it seems that your posting this thread is pointing at just the opposite. age does matter (though maybe less than many people think). it matters for precisely the reason you're discovering now:

at age 17 you are still of an age where almost 50% of kids have not had sex, let alone be at the point where they're living with someone 20 years their senior. of course you want to experiment: life-wise, you're still at a stage where experimentation is far more normal than the kind of commitment that you're involved with. but of course, that is a product partially of your partner: love him though you do, the commitment and sense of "locking" yourself in are probably real, since by the mid 30s many (most?) people are looking for a more permanent kind of relationship.

also on another note, are you really satisfied with just kind of sitting around at home doing nothing? frankly, i don't think being the live in boyfriend of someone 20 years your senior, without apparently doing anything else of your own, is ideal. do you not want your own life?

personally, my opinion is that your question here sort of indicates the fundamental problem with the concept of a 17 year old dating a 36 year old outside remarkably exceptional circumstances. if you think he's worth it, then go for it. but you seem to be sacrificing a lot in my eyes for this relationship, and at an age where clearly you're not 100% at the same place regarding "settling" as your boyfriend.

[CaliKiDD]

i think you have the right to live your teenage life now you may have messed up going for someone that is 36 because he has done all he wants to do and just wants to settle down.....now if you ask him he might get upset because he will deff think of it as cheating but go for it..your 17 and personally i think you should get a younger boyfriend get your GED atleast.... make money for youself because belive it or not this just wont last and what are you going to do when he kicks you to the curb..sorry you have to hear this but hes way to old

[smitty35]

OK, love is love, but isnt it like illegal because you are under 18 and he is over? Anyway, I think you should not experiment with another guy while you are going out with another, that would be like cheating on the guy you are going out with at the moment. So, I guess you are locked in. good luck :-)

[Brandon K]

age is just a number and ask him because your very young.=]

[thingmebob]

If your happy, then stay with it. Your happiness is the most important thing.

[digitalbump]

age doesn't matter? it seems that your posting this thread is pointing at just the opposite. age does matter (though maybe less than many people think). it matters for precisely the reason you're discovering now:

at age 17 you are still of an age where almost 50% of kids have not had sex, let alone be at the point where they're living with someone 20 years their senior. of course you want to experiment: life-wise, you're still at a stage where experimentation is far more normal than the kind of commitment that you're involved with. but of course, that is a product partially of your partner: love him though you do, the commitment and sense of "locking" yourself in are probably real, since by the mid 30s many (most?) people are looking for a more permanent kind of relationship.

also on another note, are you really satisfied with just kind of sitting around at home doing nothing? frankly, i don't think being the live in boyfriend of someone 20 years your senior, without apparently doing anything else of your own, is ideal. do you not want your own life?

personally, my opinion is that your question here sort of indicates the fundamental problem with the concept of a 17 year old dating a 36 year old outside remarkably exceptional circumstances. if you think he's worth it, then go for it. but you seem to be sacrificing a lot in my eyes for this relationship, and at an age where clearly you're not 100% at the same place regarding "settling" as your boyfriend.

^^ seconded. thinking long term, are you really willing to spend the rest of your life dependent upon this guy? at the very least, i think you should consider getting a high school diploma somehow. if things go wrong with this guy and he kicks you out, then you're really screwed. how do you support yourself then? i'm glad you found a guy who treats you right, especially after the stuff with your step-dad, but don't be blinded by his kindness either. you need to live your own life.

[Aussie16]

Although I havent been in that position, I think you are lucky :) I think it sounds like you have an amazing partner in your life and you are happy with him. Regarding sexually, I find it surprising he doesnt want to have a threesome, maybe ask again? I would talk to him about your issue and see what he says :) If he loves you as he claims, and Im sure he does, he will understand and will reach some sort of agreement. Maybe he will let you find a friend with benefit or maybe he will want to be their so will go with a threesome. I would find it surprising if he wasnt understanding. Just talk to him :)
xxxx

[Fact]

Puberty :arrow2: Relationships

[clr9823]

Right, well if he's 30+ then I don't find it surprising he's not wanting a threesome. He'll be wanting a real relationship, and that probably means just you and him. If you can live with that, then by all means go ahead, but remember you're young and if you're wanting to experiment now you may just keep wanting to more and more, so if you think that's the case you should let him know as you don't want to break his heart. Also, do you really want to be beholden to him? What if you drift apart, or he kicks you out, or any number of things... sure if you love him it's your choice, just make sure you have some form of "Plan B" to prevent it hitting the fan in the future. My two cents

[Danny07]

Just stay witth him if you love him endlessly.

[kai99]

if you are going to be happy, good luck

[RadioGuy]

Thats really cute dude! I mean, Im not gay but it seems to me like you have a good life! I sort of understand what you mean about wanting to do stuff with other guys but unfortunately I dont think you will be able to. I dont understand why he wouldnt want a threesome though :P Sounds like you guys are perfect together so all the best :)

[Hunter Lily]

You guys sound happy :) You're lucky to have found the guy you love and who loves you so early on in your life. You might not want to lock yourself in completely though because although I'm sure you do love him and vice versa, in a good relationship, it always seems like it's going to last indefinitely because you love them so much in that moment. I;m not saying this is the case, but you may want to watch out :) besides that, I wish you both the best and I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your stepdad :(

[retsea]

Honestly, you guys are doing a "good" thing. You seem happy and he seems happy. Since you're of legal age the decision is all yours, however; I really think you should consider some kind of education cause once you two break up you'll need some way to support yourself. You don't want to end up like a housewife with no backup plan.

[flashstep96]

I agree with the others; as long as you two are happy; nothign else matters. Okay so you might not be able to do a threesome, but thats not such a bad thing. Obviousy he's very commited to you and cares for you. Honestly It's very sweet <3

[LuckyLuke]

Listen, I know you want to sincerely believe that the difference in age shouldn't matter and, in some cases, I totally agree with you; this isn't one of them. A 25 year old and a 90 year old I can understand. A 14 year old and a 17 year old I can probably understand. But..

You're a teenager raging full of hormones, testosterone, desire. You're at a stage in your life where you NEED to test the waters and experience everything out there because this is the only time that you can do it, sadly, I've just realized that now.

Although you love this man and although it seems he loves you too, you really should express to him exactly what you've said in this message.

Also, you shouldn't be at home all day. You just shouldn't. Get a job, save some EMERGENCY MONEY; not everything is always as it appears, what if- gd forbid- you need to get away? Go to school! Get an education and a degree so you can support the household later in life, with or without him.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you make a good decision.

[bambino]

I think only you can answer your own question.
Whats in your heart? You will know whether you want to stay. Everyone has their own definition of love, but fI think- if you loved him, you wouldn't seriously consider bringing anyone else to the relationship, sexually or otherwise.
sexual experiences are only one small part of a relationship, if you're prepared to risk security and supposed love for them then in my opinion you are not ready to settle down yet...whether thats because it's not the right time in your life, or because you are not with the right person.

Hope I haven't offended.