I just feel so fat.

[screamtobeheard]

This is like a cycle. It's all coming back. I've started restricting again. Gradually. But it's still coming back. All I've eaten today is macaroni and cheese and some chocolate milk. I ate normally on wednesday, because I had to. But other than that, I've eaten like this all week. And I swam two days to burn some calories and been in a musical, dancing the other three. I hate this. I want to eat, I'm so hungry. But I can't. My friend is trying so hard to get me to eat. He said, "for me?" and I want to, but I just can't. I haven't weighed myself in awhile. But I can feel that I've lost weight this week. And I love it. That's what scares me. That momentum makes it easier to not eat. What the hell is wrong with me?

[Death]

If you want to eat, why can't you? Physically, you must be able to, even if it is difficult. You've got to do it though.

[Fiction]

If you want to eat, why can't you? Physically, you must be able to, even if it is difficult. You've got to do it though.

It's not nearly that simple. Yes physically you may be able to do it, but physically there's a lot of things you could do too that mentally you wouldn't be able to.

I know it's hard Amanda. We,ve discussed ways to try and prevent it before. I've relapsed recently too, but I made myself stop it after 2 days of starving. I'm not going to pretend it's easy because it's not, but it does get easier. The longer you can try and eat normally for, it gets easier.

You know where I am if you need me.