No reason

[Love.Hate]

Well mum saw my hand.. it was pretty obvious she would soon anyway.
I had another shitty (sorry for swearing) heart to heart. She kept asking me why i relapsed after 40 days.. She is threathening to tell my dad. Which will crush me!! :/

You see the thing is.. im not sure if i have a reason anymore.. Maybe just life in general is a bitch to me. But nothing bad happened to make me pick up that blade.. I just did?

It makes me feel better, in control. But thats not a "reason" in my mums point of view. So i dont know what to do.. neither does she.

Im being guilt tripped into stopping.. but it makes me want to do it more.

I really just dont know anymore a reason why.

Anybody else understand? I havent got a clue.

[love is louder]

maybe its out of habbit, like an old comfort.

OR maybe there still is an issue maybe subconsiously
sometimes in my life the reason to doesnt directly influence me but the people around me and i cant help because its not to do with me but it still brings me down
if that makes sense?

[Love.Hate]

Kayleigh, thankyou for replying.
Yeah it is a comforting habit, i have been doing it for so long i can understand it being a routine. I dont know if there is still an underlying problem.. could be.
I just dont seem to understand why..
There has to be a logical reason as to why i cant stay away from it.. It could just possibly be the fact its an addiction.. idk

[love is louder]

i drift in and out of it myself. sometimes i do it everyday but i can go weeks without it (occasionally)
but i could be making toast and all of a sudden i think " god i havent done it for a while" and then thats all i can think about until i give in!
so i guess for me it sometimes is simply the adiction of it.
Maybe your answer is as simple as that. sometimes its harder to see it when your in it. but if your an outsider looking in (someone that knows a great deal about you) maybe they could shed some light on the matter.
you dont have to explain just say you feel crappy and you dont know why?

[Love.Hate]

Yeah.. but that explanation will never be good enough i suppose.
As she wants me to "get better" there has to be a reason.. so i can heal that and stop? well thats the mothers logic, either way i know that wont work.
Can it be just as simple as that though.. i cut because im addicted?
I dont know. Thanks :)

[SirRawrsalot]

Everyone's lives are stressful in some respect, and if you started cutting to manage stress eventually it is sort of a natural response to stress. All cutting does is help people cope with stress and it's very hard to stop using a stress management response and replace it since the odds are you started cutting because it worked well.

So in short, yes, a cutter is sort of addicted emotionally (mostly, but when you cut certain neurotransmitters are stimulated which results in somewhat of a euphoria...This could be argues to be a physical addiction.)

[RAWWR]

Fran, It's completley normal for people to relapse. I know it's hard but maybe the best thing to do is talk though all of it with your mum?
And I don't know about you but I find that when I come that close to stopping, I get scared of stopping and therefore losing my coping mechanism, so I usually end up doing it again just to check it's still there for me. Maybe thats why you relapsed? Recovery is a scary thing, and takes a lot more effort than giving in, but I know you are strong enough to do it. You just have to really really work on it, use all your energy on it. I know you can do it. <3

[Love.Hate]

Aww thankyou guys.
Its making more sense to me now i think :D

Charlie that makes so much sense i always get scared.. like how would i cope without?
I suppose i would.. but god knows.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply guys... I have tried to explain to mum that i just dont get why i have all these urges, and i dont want to feel like this forever... but i know i will if i keep up like this..

She doesnt understand. But it was worth a try :L

[Charleigh]

She kept asking me why

Maybe one of your reasons is being pressurised into thinking about why, what, where who and whatever else. You feel put on the spot? And you dont like that? You dont like people asking you why, because you dont know.

Maybe just life in general is a bitch to me.

There you go. There is another reason for you right there. Sometimes hun, you tihnk that there is no reason, but you have to dig in deep to find out why your cutting. Sometimes, there doesnt have to be a reason.

It makes me feel better, in control.

There you go as I said above. There doesnt have to be a reason, but a feeling relating to why your self harming. Because you want to feel in contol. I dont mean to put words into your mouth, but tell me if im wrong. When people ask you why you cut, and what makes you want to do it, you dont actually know because you havent found out yet, so you feel like your not in control of that area, but you are in control of when you cut and how. I could be completley wrong but im just taking a wild guess.

But thats not a "reason" in my mums point of view.

Hun. So many people get this part wrong ... that might not be a reason in your mums eyes ... but your mum isnt the one in your position. To you, this could be the reason but your mum doesnt fully understand. Your mum doesnt know how you are feeling at the moment, and your mum wants one big, straight forward answer so that she can help you and know why you are doing it. But, with the answer you are giving, she might feel that she isnt getting to the bottom of it, your mum is just trying to dig deeper so she can help you hun.

Your reason is your reason. Whether its, the blood, cuts, contol, whatever. Its your reason.


Anybody else understand? I havent got a clue.

I do understand hun. But. In order to find out why you are cutting, just dig into your thoughts to find out what bothers you. Mum, dad, divorce? Siblings, death, friendships, abuse, bullying, etc. Just by finding out things like that, you would be suprised what you can learn hun.

Im here if you ever need anything and stay strong.
:hug:

[Love.Hate]

Charlie, You are so right.
The control is enough of a reason for me. Your very good at guessing!
I always hate people asking me why.. because i never felt my reasons were good enough. But reading that made me realise that mine are just as good as any other.. I dont care what people think. I am me. Mum just wants me "fixed" so she can get on and stop worrying.. But i suppose she does it cause she cares.
I really really really appreciate it, Thankyou so much hun. Im always here for you too yeah? :D

[Charleigh]

Charlie, You are so right.
The control is enough of a reason for me. Your very good at guessing!
I always hate people asking me why.. because i never felt my reasons were good enough. But reading that made me realise that mine are just as good as any other.. I dont care what people think. I am me. Mum just wants me "fixed" so she can get on and stop worrying.. But i suppose she does it cause she cares.
I really really really appreciate it, Thankyou so much hun. Im always here for you too yeah? :D

It's not that im right lol, its that what I said helped you figure out things for yourself :') I did nothing apart from tell you what I thought and all of the other things. I just ... guided you?

Anytime hun. You know where I am if you ever need me and you can always VM/PM/MSN/Email me if there ever is anything. Dont thank me, im here for you :3

Yeah :'D