Gay...born with it or not?

[redmann]

ok so my family got on the topic of gay people the other day (im gay they just dont know it) anyway so they all said that being gay is not something your born with and is just a tendency. they also said you should never act on it either. (they are morman btw. and im not) idk really what to do because when i move out i plan on haveing relationships (with guys) and living a normal life. i know that will make my family mad, but im not going to be a loner just to make them happy. at the same time though i dont want them to hate me. IM SO CONFUZED!
any ideas?

[Lights]

There's actually a discussion going on here about whether sexuality is something you're born with, or if it's something you develop:

http://virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=87187

With all due respect, I don't think you should listen to what your family is saying. Most religions, Mormonism included, have fixed views on subjects like sexuality. No matter what you say, their mind has been made up so their view won't change.

Don't ever live a lie because of your family - if you want to have relationships with guys, then you have every right to. When you move out, you'll become very independent very quickly, not regarding their views as so important any longer. Of course it would be great if your family would accept you for whom you are, but considering you come from a Religious background, that could prove to be difficult.

My best advice to you would simply be: Do what feels right, and will make you happy. :)

[Zazu]

You're born gay just as much as you're born straight.

[redmann]

i know about the other topic. this was a personal issue rather than a general one.
Anyway. thanks for the advice and i know but i wish there was an easier way to do things.
damn. sometimes i hate being gay

[VerizoniPhone]

According to lady gaga. (LOVE HER BY THE WAY). She says were born this way. ;)

[smitty35]

I dont think you are born being gay. I dont think infants have a sexuality at 0 days old. When you are 3, you most likely dont know the meaning of gay. When you are 5 you dont know what the meaning of gay really is. I didnt know what it really meant until 6th grade. See what I mean? Once you find out what is, you might say to yourself: "Hey I want that to be a part of my life". Are you guys following me?

[User Deleted]

posobly both, more likley grown into

[grstl]

I think I was born gay. I know I was born inro a strictly religious Baptist family. I am still in hiding..........
I feel for you!
Be braver than I to step out and be youself before you mess up your identity. I just hope it doesn't totally mess up all your family relationships......plan ahead by making new close friends first.

[Sosaku]

OMG thank god for Psychology class lol, we already talked about this subject:

Ok, (this is going to sound weird but just go with it) What do you like about guys? I'm sure there are some that you think smell amazing ALL the time, sweaty, or just after a shower. key thing, pheromones.

I believe you are attracted to the pheromones in some people. And some males are attracted to the smell of testosterone, like me, and some to estrogen, and the other way around for females.

[redmann]

I dont think you are born being gay. I dont think infants have a sexuality at 0 days old. When you are 3, you most likely dont know the meaning of gay. When you are 5 you dont know what the meaning of gay really is. I didnt know what it really meant until 6th grade. See what I mean? Once you find out what is, you might say to yourself: "Hey I want that to be a part of my life". Are you guys following me?

im not sure i agree but thanks for the input:-)

[redmann]

I beleive your born gay. if given the choice i would be straight. seeing how im not though, i am determined to live my life to the fullest and stop wishing i was straight and accept myself. I LOVE BEING GAY!!!! I dont give a fuck what people think about me or the way i am. if they dont accept me the way i am the they can just go to hell. Haha wow that felt great. im not crazy i promise.

[Immortal Love]

I second This, and believe you are born with it. Everyone is different, and we should embrace it. We are all special, and should love and care about our bodies and mind, and not care what other people think.

Now I'm not Lesbian, nor Straight, but right in the middle. SO maybe my words wouldn't count, but hey, It's worth a shot, right? I don't see why people get so huffed up about your sexuality. You are, what you are, and they are what they are. 'Nough Said~

[redmann]

lol thank you i think you are totally right, and your words definitely count:-)
sorry everyone i freaked a little. just kind of stressed. but i do feel that way....just not as harsh

[Syvelocin]

Well, I don't think you choose to be LGBT. That's for sure.

I'm not sure whether it's born that way or not. And it's an interesting conversation because I know a lot of people lie to themselves about their sexuality, straight people who refuse to be gay so it isn't an option to look at the same sex. I know people who are bisexual as well, who say they're gay, just because it's fact that most people prefer to focus on one sex.

I also believe that not everyone is 100% something. That there's the potential to be attracted to anyone. It just matters who you meet and your mentality about it. If you are close-minded to homosexuality, and always are, you'll never truly know if you're straight or not. Fuck, I thought I was 100% straight. Then I got this huge obsession with this girl. I was thinking, "Oh shit. Maybe I'm not straight after all..." It was enough incentive to open up to the idea. And when my mind was finally open to it... I found girls even more attractive than guys.

But I think there might be some truth in that, being born like that. I thought I was lesbian when I was a really little kid. I didn't even know the term, but I remember exactly thinking, "Guys are so lucky, because they get to date girls and girls are so pretty. We have to date guys." While that's not exactly an indication, I find it funny that I later went on to question my sexuality, going from thinking I was straight, to bisexual, to pansexual, and finally, when I'm starting to really look at it and I think I actually might be mostly lesbian. But even in that case, I have to decide whether I want to be known as bisexual or lesbian. That's the thing with sexuality. It's just a label to describe yourself to other people. And it's not as clean-cut as, "straight, bi, gay."

[Nilnoc]

Become atheist. We're all a bunch of bros.

[Infidelitas]

My arguement, why would anyone choose to be outside of the social norms. I didnt choose to be gay, and ive never been attracted to women either, but why would you choose to be born a way that many different groups of people dont agree with?

[CaptainObvious]

it's obviously not a choice. essentially no rational human being would choose discrimination, a more limited dating pool, etc. etc. beforehand, if they were presented with the options.

that doesn't necessarily mean it's set in stone from birth. just because it's not a choice doesn't mean it can't be influenced by the environment.

[redmann]

Ok so i asked my counselor about this the other day( yes i go to a counselor) anyway so you could prolly call him somewhat of an expert cause like 90% percent of his clients are gay.

Anyway so he said that it was certainly NOT a choice to be gay and that he said some of it could be born with but he said that most of it had to do with the environment which you were raised in and stuff that happened when you were young. or somethng to do with genetics

anyway thats what he said.

[Mannequins]

I feel like your sexual orientation is a result of your perceptions.
When I was little, I thought boys and girls were both "attractive"
(Except I didn't have a precise word for it back then, lol.)
Then, I grew up and found out that because I like boys that it's wrong?
To me, boys are just as attractive as girls,
aka, PERCEPTION!

Not really sure if it makes sense, but I always wonder if you grow up thinking girls and only girls are attractive, vice versa.

[tpzy94]

your not born gay its your preference that changes over time...there are no such things as a gay gene...

[Nilnoc]

It's genetic, but presents itself at different times.

[redmann]

well there has been scientific research done about a gay gene.
so i wouldnt completely dismiss the idea

[Ryhanna]

You were born this way baby!

In all seriousness, no one chooses to be gay, or straight, or bi. Just like no one chooses to be male or female.

[Craig1995]

It's not genetic if it was genetic it would be hereditary.
Research lead to the dismissal of " the gay gene" a while ago since there was never a pattern of abnormalities with in gay people.

Sources: daft leaflet called "gaydar" we got handed out in pee class at skl :L

[CaptainObvious]

It's not genetic if it was genetic it would be hereditary.
Research lead to the dismissal of " the gay gene" a while ago since there was never a pattern of abnormalities with in gay people.

Sources: daft leaflet called "gaydar" we got handed out in pee class at skl :L

and indeed, if you've ever read the literature, twin studies have demonstrated significantly higher correlation between identical twins' sexualities than can be explained by the shared environment alone (as compared, for example, with fraternal twins). there's definitely a genetic component.

[Death]

Not another of these threads. We have two going already, one of which is mine.

your not born gay its your preference that changes over time...there are no such things as a gay gene...

Your first and second points have nothing to do with each other. Just because you're born with something, it obviously does not mean that it's genetic.

[CaptainObvious]

Your first and second points have nothing to do with each other. Just because you're born with something, it obviously does not mean that it's genetic.

uhhh yeah, that's actually precisely what it means. unless you're arguing that the environment in the maternal womb is responsible (which indeed, is one of the posited mechanisms for homosexuality), the only thing that can affect something you are "born with" is genetics.

[Death]

Damn, I confused genetic with inherited. Thanks for pointing that out.

[Nilnoc]

Genetic: genes, born with, and are peanent. i.e. Hair color, gender

Inherited: passed from parent to child at any time, not always permanent, but can include genes. I.e. Religious beliefs, money.

[Death]

Wouldn't that mean that the majority of VT users (judging by these poll results (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/poll.php?do=showresults&pollid=2721)) would believe in a gay gene?

[Nilnoc]

It has scientifically proven that homo and bisexuality is passed through in a recessive gene.

[Death]

It has scientifically proven that homo and bisexuality is passed through in a recessive gene.

Not that I'm calling you wrong, but source?

[redmann]

ya i would like to know what source too

[All The Small Things]

IDK i really dont know any gay or Bi pll and my school but some on here but there are gays and i think some bi pll at my school i dont think u go 2 hell for you sexual oretnion

[paul955]

Personally I think your world does influence your sexual preference to an extent (if you grew up never knowing what straight porn was, only gay, then you'll probably be more into men than women). However I seriously think your sexual orientation is mainly determined by genetics. Most people who are gay feel it in themselves at an early age; they just know it and feel it. And people who are gay tend to act differently, such as having a personality geared more towards the gender they do not preference (gay men speaking like women, being into woman-like things). This all starts at a really early age from what I've seen and you, growing up in a mormon family, i doubt your parents were teaching you to be gay or anything like that. It's something people just grow up with, not necessarily engrained into them by society but by genetics, who they already are from the beginning.

Of course keep in mind this is just my viewpoint.

[redmann]

Personally I think your world does influence your sexual preference to an extent (if you grew up never knowing what straight porn was, only gay, then you'll probably be more into men than women). However I seriously think your sexual orientation is mainly determined by genetics. Most people who are gay feel it in themselves at an early age; they just know it and feel it. And people who are gay tend to act differently, such as having a personality geared more towards the gender they do not preference (gay men speaking like women, being into woman-like things). This all starts at a really early age from what I've seen and you, growing up in a mormon family, i doubt your parents were teaching you to be gay or anything like that. It's something people just grow up with, not necessarily engrained into them by society but by genetics, who they already are from the beginning.

Of course keep in mind this is just my viewpoint.

Well i agree with you. i mean some of it could be environment but i beleive most is gentics because i , growing up in a morman family , never even really knew about gays for a long time, but i totally act and have very different interests than my two brothers. so i agree with you

[The Dill]

Don't ever hate who you are :) being gay or bisexual or a lesbian is no big deal. All that really ever matters is if your happy with who you are. My mom once told me to never let anyone change who I am or who I want to be, and I've lived by that for a long time.

[redmann]

Don't ever hate who you are :) being gay or bisexual or a lesbian is no big deal. All that really ever matters is if your happy with who you are. My mom once told me to never let anyone change who I am or who I want to be, and I've lived by that for a long time.

i dont hate who i am lol i just stuggle with other people hating the way i am

[VerizoniPhone]

I beleive your born gay. if given the choice i would be straight. seeing how im not though, i am determined to live my life to the fullest and stop wishing i was straight and accept myself. I LOVE BEING GAY!!!! I dont give a fuck what people think about me or the way i am. if they dont accept me the way i am the they can just go to hell. Haha wow that felt great. im not crazy i promise.

I agree. I posted this on another post.

I think if ur gay ur born with it but u don't know until puberty cuz god makes you. When your 5-10 years old ur told that men like women and men like females. No parents tell you men like men or women like women. First day of 2nd grade and u come home and ur dad say how many girlfriends does my son have. They never say boyfriends. I think u r born that way but u don't realize it because no one teaches you until puberty.

When ur 5-10 u only think there's str8 ur not teached what gay is. This is what I think

[redmann]

I agree. I posted this on another post.

I think if ur gay ur born with it but u don't know until puberty cuz god makes you. When your 5-10 years old ur told that men like women and men like females. No parents tell you men like men or women like women. First day of 2nd grade and u come home and ur dad say how many girlfriends does my son have. They never say boyfriends. I think u r born that way but u don't realize it because no one teaches you until puberty.

When ur 5-10 u only think there's str8 ur not teached what gay is. This is what I think

ya i agree with you.

[Sosaku]

Well i agree with you. i mean some of it could be environment but i beleive most is gentics because i , growing up in a morman family , never even really knew about gays for a long time, but i totally act and have very different interests than my two brothers. so i agree with you

are these brothers older than you? if so, then it is inherited....most likely. If you are right handed even more so...

each son a mother has...the next is like 1% more to be gay than the one before. A protein produced by the mother...it effects your hypothallamus...which has been proven, at least my psychology book says so...to cause homosexual acts to be more "frequent"

[redmann]

are these brothers older than you? if so, then it is inherited....most likely. If you are right handed even more so...

each son a mother has...the next is like 1% more to be gay than the one before. A protein produced by the mother...it effects your hypothallamus...which has been proven, at least my psychology book says so...to cause homosexual acts to be more "frequent"

well thats funny cause, yes they are both older than me. and i also read that in a paper that was based on a scientific study.

[MusicManic]

I deffinitely think that you should go with whatever your tells you. If they are really family they will accept your decision.

[anonymous.john]

Being gay is genetic, but the gene reacts differently depending on the environment you grew up in. So you're effectively born with it, but that's not what's important. The important thing is that you absolutely do not have a choice in being gay.


There you go, from a straight guy.

[redmann]

Being gay is genetic, but the gene reacts differently depending on the environment you grew up in. So you're effectively born with it, but that's not what's important. The important thing is that you absolutely do not have a choice in being gay.


There you go, from a straight guy.

haha there it is. i completely agree with you