I need advice, quite a bit...

[Sosaku]

Ok, where do i begin, got it..:

There is this one guy who id drop dead sexy, like OMG if he talks to me more than he does now, i'd probably melt, when i walk by him, i'm sure he can hear my heartbeat. and i can't breathe around him. My roommate says i'm in love...but i've never been in love before....i see him all the time, if he walks into a room im in, i turn and see him, i dont see anyone else, just him, then it hurts because i can never be with him. After the end of this school year, i'll never see him again, well, i may be able to talk to him on facebook, but that's about it.

Now there is another guy who i didn't like at the beginning of 2011. Like he is good looking, but not super sexy, (well in others opinions, i now think he is the sexiest thing ever) well, he makes this noise, on purpose that sounds i guess like the mix of pterodactyl/screamo band/hungry zombie. I used to hate it. but recently, i've had a theory that he is bi-curious, and he knows i have a theory about him, but he doesn't know what it is.

I began to dream about him bugging the hell out of me over this theory. so (in my dream) i told him to kiss me then i'd tell him. so he did...

well, usually in my dreams, if anything sexual, sensual or w/e happens its always sex, whether it is oral, or anal...BUT, this time, for the first time ever, it was about a kiss...something i've never done before...

when i was younger, i was pretty much a slut...a free prostitute for someone, he didn't love me, and i thought i loved him...but never felt this way. All we did was have sex, and stayed quiet about it...never kissed....well...

this guy that makes the weird noise, only wants to take it slow in all of his relationships...and i thot that was stupid for a while...but...now...i like it...i think i love him because he will take everything slow, so i wont feel like a slut...and his noise, i think its really cute now....

i still dream about him, when i get close, my heartbeat races, and i get butterflies in my stomache. just thinking about him now, i feel the butterflies.

I've cried night after night, over my confusion of these emotions, i don't know what is going on...i'm just going crazy, i'm stressed out, and i just want him to hold me, no one else...i want to fall asleep in his arms. not even my friends take the feeling away like they used to..its, just an empty hole, and only he can fill it.

i guess i need help learning about love, the one feeling i DON'T understand...

Please help me...

[Tristin.]

well, i tried explaning love to a friend recentaly and this is what i wrote:

Love: it makes us want to cry while making us laugh with joy. it tortures us while giving us bliss. it makes us want to die while giving us a reason to live. it drives us crazy while keeping us sane. it tires us while giving us energy. it makes us happy while making us sad.
Love: its a bitch but without it, we would loose what makes us human.

if you need to talk, drop me a line here on VT. ill help anywhere i can xxxx

[Sosaku]

omg thanks!!! didn't help too much, but it explained love, and i feel that for this guy, however, how do i know if it is real love?

[Tristin.]

do you stop thinking about him? do you loose yourself at his every word? does his laugh make your day? does his smile make you smile?

true love is hard to gauge, only you can tell if its true love. i find, love and lust often crash together, if you can clearly separate the two then finding out if its true love should not take much more :)

drop a line any time

[Starlight Blaze]

true love is really hard to figure out. The best way to tell is date them, and that is also the easiest. Besides that, if it ends up going away, it's not true love (duh).

[Sosaku]

yes tristen it does, all that happens. He is most likely straight, and i'm suffering over the fact that i think, for the FIRST TIME in my life, i actually love someone...

usually i think of how i want to have sex with someone...but him, i just want to be held, or sitting beside him...i just want to be with him, no matter whether he wants sex or not. if he wants to text me, by seeing how long i can go w/o wanting sex, i'd go as long as he wants me to. I want my first real relationship, and i think he is the one to make it happen...

[smitty35]

Dear Sosaku,
I think he is the one for you. You said that he is most likely bi. There is nothing really stopping you from being one. Unless of course he says no. I dont think he will. It is time to let your true feelings out. Now is the time to start something new. THIS is a start of something.

Just that dream, it means so much. Mabye it is a vision of yours.....a vision of the future.

[Sosaku]

he was raised hailfire and brimestone, that all gays are going to burn and go to hell. But he is more open minded than that...he believes that its ok for people to be gay, as long as they don't hit on him...that is his fear he doesn't want to be gay, and i think that he is bi, but scared to show it, in that, then he'll go to hell....

[Sosaku]

Update, tonight, at a pilgrimage performance, he is asking a girl to prom. All i want is for him to be happy. I know how to stop this, there is one person she likes, and she wants him to ask her to prom, i could tell that guy, but I wont, it would hurt him. And i don't want that. A few of my friends wont let me be there to watch. and well, its upseting. I've been up till 4am, just thinking about him. Wanting him to be happy. How i cant make him happy. i've cried so much, that i feel as though i want to cry now, but i just have that feeling, no tears, and my eyes are beginning to hurt. I understand that they don't want me hurt, but idk, i want to be there, because if she says no, he'll be crushed...and they will tell him that there are plenty of other "girls" out there that he can ask...But i've decided i'm not going to prom unless someone asks me.....so most likely, i'm no going...

[Sosaku]

He asked her to prom last night, she said yes...

After our pilgrimage tours end, after this next week that is, i'm going to tell him...I'm going to tell him that I think he is bi-curious, and that i think i love him...I know i'm going to be rejected. I know i'm going to be hurt. But i want to get hurt once and for all over him, rather than every day the way it is now. Just HOPING he'd notice, and ask me. I'm a submissive person, and i cant even really start conversations...his greatest fear, he says, is guys hitting on him. so i'm going to tell him alone, with someone we both trust.

He is not going to trust me anymore, maybe never talk to me again. But, the reason why, is he won't want to hurt me. He will keep himself away, just so I don't get hurt, that is the type of person he is.

I remember the first day i saw him. I thought he was annoying, full of himself, and ugly....time passed, i saw he was generous...more time passed, he began to look better...now, the used to be "annoying" things i thought about him, are now more of a quirky kind of cute.

I used to only believe in love at first sight. I didn't begin to feel this way until this past sunday...and i've known him for about a year...