How To Be Sensitive Towards Anorexia

[SirRawrsalot]

I have a very close friend who has told me she is anorexic and will go days without food or with very little. I'm a little bit... well ignorant when it comes to the issue and I honestly don't quite understand it. I understand but I just can't believe she would think she were fat...


Anywhoo... I need some help figuring out how to talk to her without being completely insensitive. I talk to her daily, practically hourly. We always help each other with problems and ask about them, but when is it appropriate for me to ask and what should I be asking? Is it alright for me to say "have you eaten today?" ? I just don't know what would be considered okay and what is just making it worse.

Advice sincerely appreciated!

[Dimitri]

Just sit down and relax a little and talk about randomt hings and then easy your way into the Anorexia part. But DO NOT push it if she does not want to talk about it. Over time she will possibly speak more openly about it with you and then over time you could talk more openly about it.

[SirRawrsalot]

It's not that we can't talk about it. We have both had problems and we just talk about them right out in the open and it isn't awkward or anything. I just don't know the proper amount of concern. I don't know the right questions to ask.

[Dimitri]

I think that you need to possible sit down and talk too your school cluncilor, that is what they are there for.

[Syvelocin]

Tell her that you will stop when she says the word. If she feels the least bit uncomfortable with what you're asking, let her know she doesn't have to answer.

Treat her normally until you're given a reason not to. If she's shaking, extremely pale, light-headed, etc. then I think it would be appropriate to ask if she's eaten, but more in relation to her looking sick or something. Don't assume anything just because she's anorexic.

Never, ever, tell her to eat, unless the situation is critical. You can give her a nudge in the right direction, make a thoughtful meal that you know she likes, but I've found that's the worst thing to say. Don't talk about the risks too much, leave that to a counsellor or doctor.

It depends on the person. Some questions are more sensitive than others. That's why the first technique I mentioned was, well, the first technique I mentioned. I never enjoyed speaking about why I did it, while some don't care to say that they don't like how they look, or whatever the trigger originally was. Asking about the exact amount they've eaten, maybe a little more sensitive than that, but like I said, everyone's different.

It's a sensitive subject. I've been told, "It's like I have to walk on egg shells when I'm around you." Though I have more than just anorexia that causes that, it's true. There's so much going on in the minds of someone with an ED, they'll be very mentally fragile (as well as fragile in general anyway) for a while even after recovery.

[love is louder]

Im not claiming to have an eating disorder or anything like that but when i was about 14 i was about 11 stone and suddenly realised i had gotten a little chubby. so i decided subconsiously to crash diet with in a couple of months i had dropped to nine and i thought everything was smashing but a lot of people picked up on my weight and started throwing round accusations. which i got very VERY defensive about and kind of pushed me into a state of thinking i was anorexic when i wasnt at all. i was asked to go to councilling which i refused and my teachers and my friends mam got involved which made me really anxious and i dropped a further stone. i am back up to nine now and have a totally healthy bmi but when people still comment it gets me a little upset.
what im trying to say is everybody is different. they all have different eating issues and different ways of dealing with it
i think if your friend has had the balls to tell you she either wants you to help her or she wants to stop hiding it around you. either way it sounds like your a pretty cool friend to her and you obviously know how to be around her so just take it from there. failing that just ask her if she wants you to ask about it! if she shoots you down then try another time but if she opens up then take it from there
sorry i didnt give you any actual questions but i dont think i could if i didnt know the girl
good luck.

[SirRawrsalot]

Thank you all. I really appreciate it. I think I know what I should do for now. :)

I have to say I hate anorexia with a fiery passion and I don't even have it or understand it with any great detail.