Im loosing it

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

i attempted suicide by cutting with glass, i put it on a piece of card board then smashed the mirror under a purse and used it, so much blood came out it scarred me so since i just turned 18 i had my dad take me to ER and i put myself in hospital. I was there for a week, that was about 2 weeks ago. But now my mood is so low i attempted to break glass again but ill have to do it tomorrow when parents at work. Theres super rubber bands somewhere, that hurt my dad when he tested them out. Ill look for those today an if it works, then no cutting. But i went through at least 6 bandages on my left arm, now theres just ugly deep brown scares. And on my upper left arm an my right arm there pink, but still. I need to cut so badly, and the fact that im 18 doesnt change a thing.

One more year and im done with VT, im not happy.

[Ambrosia]

You already know what happens when you tried it the first time, so why do it again? I'm sure nothing will change. The pain will be unbareable, the blood will be unstoppable, and you will be in a hospital bed, covered in bills, regretting it again. You know whats better? Asking for help. And we're here to help. We would prefer that and your dad would prefer that and your future would as well. You're strong, you know that. To be able to have realized you needed to go to the hospital, that was strong. And to still be here is strong. You have made it 18 long years and you are STILL HERE!

Deep breaths, big rubber bands. Maybe go find someone to talk to in person. Do whatever you must to stay here. Too many people would miss you too much!!!!!!

[derkderpderp]

Hey i have to agree with LoveLikeWinter.
You have strength, loads of it! Not only to realise you need to go to hospital, but to post on here, and i know that youve posted here before, but its always a struggle when posting about yourself, so well done!
Now, self harming does help sometimes, but if you are feeling so down that you damage yourself so much that you end up in hospital then maybe talking to someone will help?
Or, vent, another way aside from self harming.
Now i dont condone self harm, but being someone who self harms myself, i know that its a way of asserting control over your life.
When you do it, it feels like 'yeah, its me doing it, i know what im doing, no-one can tell me what to do because im doing it on my own, this is mine, no-one can take this from me' or something along those lines, maybe?But in reality its the starting point of a vicious circle where each time the S.H gets worse, and your feelings become bruised thinking that this is necessary.

What I'd suggest is first of all to vent; you can do this in any which way you like, whether it is screaming, crying, shouting, singing, dancing, jumping around, exercising, writing poetry or stories, writing lyrics, playing music or games, drawing or painting, or reading... the list is endless, anything that occupies your mind that you actually WANT to do, (i read a lot, as well as draw, write lyrics and go for really long walks, just so i can be with myself, and so i can put my feelings down on paper, or so that i can be alone with my thoughts).
And the thing is Selina we all know you can do it,why? Because we know that you can come onto this site and share your problems, that alone takes an amazing amount of strength and will, yet youve done it, so well done!
Just please remember that while self harm sometimes feels relieving, its doing more damage than good as your pain tolerance builds up and you feel the need to self harm worse.
Now im here to help anytime, just pm me, and i hope this helps :)
Keep strong, and hang in there!
Talk to someone you trust, it could even be family, (or someone like a parent or a friend that you think might just judge you, but in reality, those people who are always around you, genuinely will show the care they have for you when you approach them in trust with a problem)
I hope things work out for you.

<3

[Spook]

It's a good idea to try the rubber band. That's a good way to relieve stress and minimize your urge to cut. Good luck and PM me any time, ~Caitlin

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

I was in the mental hospital. Then kind people go to to stabilize their meds and go to for mental support. It wasnt that deep, but there was enough blood that came spilling out to freak me out and realize what stupid act i had done. Now its just a small one inch scar on me, but there was alot of blood.

Thank you for your support and advice, ive been watching tons of movies to distract myself and am now doing EMDR with my therapist, i was reluctant at first about doing it but that wad way before hos visit. I also draw and still need to find the rubber bands.