Help! (please)

[Nevermore]

So my family, my friends have told me I'm going to die because I"m not eating right. Personally I don't take offense to it. I just find it annoying. I'm sick of them saying you need to eat, please eat, *cry* oh come on do it for me?. I just can't. I feel dreadfully sick. My stomach aches so freaken badly if I don't eat, or if I do eat. It hurts worse when I do eat. So I'm reducing my eating even more beccause of it. I can't stand this pain. :'( I'm eating now under 400 cals. I don't care if it hurts m y health, all I want is to be out of my pain. :(

[Andymoto377]

So my family, my friends have told me I'm going to die because I"m not eating right. Personally I don't take offense to it. I just find it annoying. I'm sick of them saying you need to eat, please eat, *cry* oh come on do it for me?. I just can't. I feel dreadfully sick. My stomach aches so freaken badly if I don't eat, or if I do eat. It hurts worse when I do eat. So I'm reducing my eating even more beccause of it. I can't stand this pain. :'( I'm eating now under 400 cals. I don't care if it hurts m y health, all I want is to be out of my pain. :(

Damn girl your in a tough spot to be in. I don't know alot about not eating or whatever but I know you got to wanna change for yourself I mean are you scared at all? I also know that sometimes you need to endure pain to get better sometimes I have had surgery that the months of i spent in a wheel chair and learning to walk again was intense and I didn't always wanna do it because it hurt to do it but now Im so much better and I happy I can get back on my dirt bike. idk if this helps at all or if you get what im sayin but thats all i got.

[Spook]

You really are hurting the people that love and care about you. I know, I know...I have said this before...but they really want to see you get better. They are also right. Not eating deprives you of the nutrients you need to live and be active. If you don't get those proteins and nutrients, it is possible that you can die. Nobody on VT wants you to do this to yourself, we would miss you so so much and you are worth so much more than that. I know that I don't know you very well or know you in real life nonetheless, but I care about people, and that means I care about you. Try to eat little bits every day, more and more, step by step. To get better you need to endure the pain. You need to find something to motivate you. I have read stories of tragic deaths due to anorexia and bulemia, and I don't want that to happen to you knowing I could have done something. I have already posted to you trying to convince you...and I specifically told you I wasn't going to give up. I want to make a change in the world, to help people. Please let me help you get through this tough time. PM me if you want to talk. I'm here for you.

[Myrnodin]

I was thinking on how to explain this with words, but i think ill TRY to make a drawing here:

. . . . . . Less Food. . . . . . . . . ***. . . . . .More Food. . . . . . . . (())
|================|========|=========|=============|>
. . . . . .Hurts Badly. . . . . . . No Pain. . . . Hurts Badly. . . . . . No Pain

(Yay for my drawing!)

That simple chart shows why it hurts to eat.

Do you see those *** (Three Asterisks)? That is where you are at the current moment, in some sort of limbo between famine and normal eating, where you eat just enough to keep you alive. but if you eat too much, it hurts, if you eat a little less it hurts too. The thing is, that under normal circumstances, you should be where the parenthesis (()) are. (I wont use calories as a measurement, because a friend of mine eats about a 1/4 of what I eat and its enough for her, it depends on your metabolism) It is hard to move to the left (notice the bar is actually an arrow) but if you do it slowly and without pushing yourself, its possible. The will be pain at times, and believe me, im a coward when it comes to pain, so I understand the will to avoid it, but eventually the pain will be weaker every time.

You can try for example start eating one extra candy (grape-flavored) each day, then one day, you can try adding a single grape instead of the candy, then after some time, when you feel comfortable, you can add a second grape, and so on. It doesnt matter if you do it in a week or in a month, its about doing it only.

My life's love used to had eating disorders (waaay long before I studied) and thats how we did it. She still eats very little, but its an healthy little. And thats the idea for you too. :)

I really hope this small guide helps. And come on, you gotta say something on my awesome chat. :D

[Syvelocin]

You just have to see it through their eyes hun. I used to get really annoyed when everyone was telling me to eat. But they just don't want to lose you. They care about you, deeply, evidently. Even I get those friendly reminders as well. A friendly reminder is how you have look at it. Even though you weren't affected by it, that "You're going to die" seems a bit harsh... I've never had something like that said by family/friends (doctors like to drill that into my head though).

I now have the issue that I forget to eat. I just forget, because it's not that habitual for me to be eating 1000+ calories a day. When someone tells me I need to eat, I've learned to just take it as a friendly reminder. Though I still get agitated when it's someone who has no business saying that to me. But my husband, my mum, etc. like to just say, "Hey, come down stairs and have some _____ or something" when they notice I've forgotten or I'm shaking because my blood sugar is low. And I go along with it and eat, it's an decent compromise really.

I have to second what Josh said. Of course it's going to hurt. Your body won't be used to it. Honestly, it's going to hurt a lot more than eating will if you keep this up. You just have to trudge through it, honestly. Lock coordinates and blast through to the other side. Taking it bit by bit is the key. Eat an extra 100 or 50 calories, then when you're comfortable enough, increase it by the same amount, and keep going like that. It's scary, it is completely terrifying. But just facing your fears won't cut it, facing your fears and walking to the other side of them will (that's what my psychologist said to me today). You just have to hang in there for a while.

Good luck, love :hug:

[Spook]

I suggest to you to slowly work up those equal signs that Josh made. You know the saying...no pain, no gain. No gain in your health, or gain in weight. You have to try. PM me if you need some comfort. :D

[Nevermore]

Hey guys, I just wanted to say first of off, thank you for your responses. <3
Andrew- I am going through a lot, and honestly, I'm scared. However Ana is telling me it's okay, and it's a good thing to be this way, while the rational part of my brain gives in willingly knowing it's not so great.
Caitlin- Thank you for not giving up on me. I know I"m hurting people, and I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I don't care. I mean, I guess I do have some feelings towards it, but I mostly ignore it. I'm relapsing and it's rather hard. I've gotten help though, on April 19th I have consultation at a hospital in the area on whether to go inpatient, day patient, or outpatient.
Josh- Thank you for the diagram it was helpful, and made sense to me. :)
Rith- Very true, thank you. <3333
I just wanted to say in general to everyone, again thank you for your help, I'm getting help for this.