I am stuck please help!

[Taggy]

I have always been happy fine nothing wrong but about 2 months ago i started to sh. I don't know why but all i no is that it helped me. I feel selfish. There are people much worse off that don't do this stupid thing but i do. I am terrified of everything and everyone and what people think. I have destructive thoughts often and i haven't been able to stop for more than 2 days. I know i need to stop but i don't no whether i want to :/ After i realized i had a problem i didn't want anyone to know. I was scared of what they'd think and how they'd react. They mostly ignored it but the next day i came into school to find they'd told everyone. I was terrified. I have gone 2 months without my parents finding out but i am worried. I can't do anything without them knowing but if they did they's feel responsible and it would hurt them too much. I feel like giving up :'(

[georgiamay]

First of all, welcome to VT! :)

Just thought I'd say, the self harm isn't the problem, the reasons that you self harm are the problem. If you can work out what that problem is, then you can work towards sorting it out. It might not be anything specific in your life, it might be a thought, a feeling, a confidence thing, who knows?

To be honest with you, eventually your parents will most probably find out. I've been on VT for over a year, and I've seen a lot of people make threads about their parents finding out. Self harm tends to exculate, and the cuts/burns etc get worse, and it gets harder to hide it. Maybe you could tell your parents yourself rather then let them find out some other way? My parents have found out in some not too nice ways, and now I realise that it'd be so much easier if I'd just told them sooner.

You're not alone with this, a lot of people in this forum knows what you're going though, and they'll understand. I understand what you're going through completely, and I know how scary and lonely it can feel.

You can PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. :)

:hug3:

[music is my soul]

first of all dont give up we are all here when you need it. second if your afraid of your parents finding out why dont you tell them or try to find someone who can help you on a more personal level than us at vt.

[Ambrosia]

Georgia is right. And the fact is, a lot of people feel like they are being selfish when they self-harm. I have been doing so for four years and I still to this day feel a bit selfish when I do it.

You don't need to give up, that's the one thing that people fail to realize. Giving up doesn't help in any way and it solves nothing. When you give up, you become a quiter. And you become that one thing most humans would rather never be seen as. You were born to be strong and that's what you have to do. Prove to yourself you can hold-fast during this rough time and beat the demon that's just recently decided to become a problem with you.

We're all here for you and most of us can relate in some shape or form. You just have to ask (:

[Taggy]

Thank you both of you. Georgia, I know my parents will find out eventually but i just can't tell them now i am too scared of hat'll happen and what they'll do/react. I don't know why i sh i really wish i knew :( My thoughts get worse each day and i know that i should tell them but i can't. I have no-one to talk to. All my friends don't care, are untrustworthy or worry too much so it would be unfair on them to be talking about it with them. I feel so alone :(

Thank you lexi i just feel so hopeless and alone and like nobody really cares even the friends that worry just want to ignore it and move on and don't care and most of all nobody understands and calls me a emo.

[adudewhodoesdudes]

Trust me you are not alone we all want to help you. A lot of people won't understand what you're going and just brush it aside as if it isn't a problem. As Georgia said you need to find out what caused you to first start SH. I know what it's like to go from being all good to this and knowing what caused that is half the battle. For me it was an event that caused a release of lots of built up stress and realising that I wasn't what I thought i was. You said SH helped you, what did it help you with?

As Lexi said most people here will be able to relate to you so just talk to some of the people and have a read around. Also don't feel selfish, I know that's easier said than done because I still feel selfish but just remember you have failed anyone it is just that most people don't understand.

[Taggy]

Thank you cal i appreciate your comment. When i sh i feel like i am swapping the pain/ a distraction to what i feel inside i don't no why but i feel sad. I get embarressed all the time and when i do i feel like putting a gun to my head (not that i would) but thats how i feel everytime i do anything i just feel like there's a knife in my heart i am so confused but what i know is that i need to sh. :(

[adudewhodoesdudes]

Speaking purely from my experience alone, when I was depressed which was most of my high school life I almost killed myself several times but always backed out. But during that time I did feel sad but I was embarrassed when people actually payed attention to me. It took me about 3 years to realise that I was never myself at school. I would always put on an act so much so that the act became me (which is part of the reasons for my identity problems now). But I thought that I was happy and I acted happy but deep down I knew I wasn't.
I'm hoping that you can relate to that and that it helps you some how.

[Taggy]

Yeah i know, i don't no who i am anymore. I used to be a very bossy chatty person who wouldn't mind speaking what i thought. Ever since secondry people would say i am quiet never says anything unless absolutely has to, someone who is withdrawn and will do anything to stay out of the way. I don't know who is the real me anymore :(

[adudewhodoesdudes]

Well this is a reason to SH because it gives you something real which is what you want when you don't know who you are. One of the reasons I cut myself is because it gave me something real that I can define myself by and that is one of the reasons why I feel as if i need to continue cutting which is bad. I know how you feel about not knowing who you really are and it is a really difficult thing to deal with. Unfortunately I can't really help you with finding yourself because I don't know the real me and I don't know what kind of person I am. Not knowing who you are is definitely a reason to SH and could explain why you are doing it.

[Taggy]

thank you xx

[adudewhodoesdudes]

No problem we are all here to help each other and hopefully you will be able to help someone else as well.

[Spook]

Taggy, when you get the urge to self harm, grasp tightly to the closest thing to you and think of something else. This helped me when I got OCD urges. Think of the people that love and care for you, and how they would feel about what you are doing. Don't feel like you are being selfish, we are all here for you. Try your hardest! :) ~Caitlin

[Taggy]

I am trying your suggestions thank you i appreciate it, but it's not working i have planned out how to break my arm later this evening and i so want to do it. Nobody knows about what i am doing i don't want them to worry. :/

[Ambrosia]

Breaking your bones is taking it way too far and you have to realize that it is a HORRIBLE mistake. This IS a selfish act beyond cutting or burning. Doing something like that costs your parents money, so much money, and if they have no insurance it can hurt them big time. I'm sorry this sounds mean but I have a friend who used to break their bones as an act of self-harm. They are in financial debt and ya know what? It's only depressed them more.

You're strong then that =/ And you just have to want to try.

[Taggy]

I no but it's so hard i'm sorry :(

[Love.Hate]

You don't need to break your bones! You will really regret it.
Distract yourself with anything!
Singing,dancing,pamering,reading,writing,drawing,running? Anything that will get these thoughts out of your head for a while. You really need to think this through.