1_21Guns
March 20th, 2011, 08:51 PM
"You're a horrible child."
"How about you stop being such a nasty cow?"
"Horrible. Horrible. Child."
"Ew you freak, go and get me that bag now."
"Horrible child with spazzy feet."
"In a better mood are we?" (patronizing tone)
"Aww. Want me to rub your belly, seeing as it's that time of the month and it might stop it hurting" (patronizing tone)
"Gonna get your arse slapped if you carry on."
She's so childish, it drives me insane. This, however, is nothing compared to the day to day abuse I'd get off my father. Difference is, I was numb to that, it stopped hurting, nothing is hurting me more than this.
She left this morning, called me a horrible child.
Gave me my tea, said the nasty cow comment, purely because I asked her to stop talking so loudly because I had a headache,
the others just fitted in accordingly.
I took myself to bed after the nasty cow comment, everything just got brought back up, everything hurt. I momentarily started crying, but as always I can't cry properly, it only lasted a few seconds before she came in and I had to bury myself in my covers and pretend to be asleep so she wouldn't see. I then actually fell asleep, woke up with urges from hell, and had no idea what to do with myself.
It's not even that bad, it just hurts. She giggles and laughs the more upset I get, provokes me when I'm clearly not in the mood, taunts me and does anything she can to get at me. She knows I hate physical contact, then is shocked when I retaliate when she approaches me with her hand.
I don't understand. I want her to grow up. I feel like I spend my time looking after my little sister instead of being looked after by my mother.
I'm no angel, I mouth off back sometimes, I snap, I cry, I lash out, but it's all because I can't take it anymore.
She's like this with who she thinks I am, how's she going to be when she finds out I'm just a depressed nervous wreck? I'll just be a freak.
I feel like I might aswell just go back home, back there, back to where I was stupid, it's never going to go away, it's always going to haunt me. There's always something or someone there to remind me what useless excuse of an accidental human being I am. I don't want this kind of abuse to start properly again. I don't want to feel like that again. I want to move away from her, move away from all this. I want to move where I feel safe. Even a week away at a friends house would make such a huge difference, even a night. I just need to get away from these words. I need to escape this pain.
"How about you stop being such a nasty cow?"
"Horrible. Horrible. Child."
"Ew you freak, go and get me that bag now."
"Horrible child with spazzy feet."
"In a better mood are we?" (patronizing tone)
"Aww. Want me to rub your belly, seeing as it's that time of the month and it might stop it hurting" (patronizing tone)
"Gonna get your arse slapped if you carry on."
She's so childish, it drives me insane. This, however, is nothing compared to the day to day abuse I'd get off my father. Difference is, I was numb to that, it stopped hurting, nothing is hurting me more than this.
She left this morning, called me a horrible child.
Gave me my tea, said the nasty cow comment, purely because I asked her to stop talking so loudly because I had a headache,
the others just fitted in accordingly.
I took myself to bed after the nasty cow comment, everything just got brought back up, everything hurt. I momentarily started crying, but as always I can't cry properly, it only lasted a few seconds before she came in and I had to bury myself in my covers and pretend to be asleep so she wouldn't see. I then actually fell asleep, woke up with urges from hell, and had no idea what to do with myself.
It's not even that bad, it just hurts. She giggles and laughs the more upset I get, provokes me when I'm clearly not in the mood, taunts me and does anything she can to get at me. She knows I hate physical contact, then is shocked when I retaliate when she approaches me with her hand.
I don't understand. I want her to grow up. I feel like I spend my time looking after my little sister instead of being looked after by my mother.
I'm no angel, I mouth off back sometimes, I snap, I cry, I lash out, but it's all because I can't take it anymore.
She's like this with who she thinks I am, how's she going to be when she finds out I'm just a depressed nervous wreck? I'll just be a freak.
I feel like I might aswell just go back home, back there, back to where I was stupid, it's never going to go away, it's always going to haunt me. There's always something or someone there to remind me what useless excuse of an accidental human being I am. I don't want this kind of abuse to start properly again. I don't want to feel like that again. I want to move away from her, move away from all this. I want to move where I feel safe. Even a week away at a friends house would make such a huge difference, even a night. I just need to get away from these words. I need to escape this pain.