no idea what to call this

[BrokenXPaperXDolls]

not sure how to write this but oh well

im tired of pretending be happy, acting lke im not fucked up hahaha i wrote a thread a while ago bout how i feel im lying to my friends lol still havnt told my past and just keep lying to them and smile like nothing is wrong when all i want is too sleep and stay asleep. i swear lying and pretending to be someone else is becoming so that i do it instinctivly, have learnt from experiance that downing loads of pills does nothig but land u in hospital in stuff that makes me feel like crap and surrounded by stupid doctors telling me of for trying to kill myself. feel like im dissconnected to whats going on around me i just want everything to stop. my friends are friends with a happy bubbly person and even though we are considerd "unpopular" dount care but keeps on laughting. not saying that i care about being unpopular cause i dont i never have and never will be, wow i sound so fucked up , shaking while i write this i have no idea why and keep having to retype as to stupid to write hahaha. i feel like im two diffrent people the one on the inside and the one i pretend to be and its getting to the point were in confusing myself with all the shit. sorry bout the rant

[FullyAlive]

I understand to a point, I'm the happy bubbly one with my friends too, I'm the one who has stupid debates, acts up with the teacher, talks loudly and non stop. But then I'm also the one that cuts herself, the one who cries herself to sleep, the one that wants to kill herself. I get lost sometimes and I can't remember who I'm meant to be. I don't really know what to advise, but I do understand you.

You say you haven't told your friends, is telling them an option, maybe then they can help you, offer you the support that I don't doubt you offer them. Also you say you've over dosed does this mean you're seeing a counsellor? If you are tell them how you feel, tell them about the confusion they might be able to help.

And also the shaking, I get this a lot, whenever I'm stressed, worried anything really and i usually try to stop it before it gets so bad i have a panic attack. What I do now is breathing techniques, breathe in for 5, hold it for 5, breathe out for 5. If you keep working on it the shaking might stop. Also meditation, this sounds slightly strange but I was shown this and it actually really helps.

I hope some of this was helpful, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here :D

[Fiction]

I know exactly how you feel. I pretend a lot. I pretend to the point where my councellor even believes my pretending. I guess i've just had practice.

As Louise asked, are you in councelling? After I ended up in hospital for overdosing I recieved councelling. It didn't help me much but it may help you? I guess your parents know if you've been in hospital, although they aren't always the best help.

As Louise said, maybe you can tell your friends. My close friends have been the biggest support i've had through all of this. By friends I mean people on here and people in my real life. Just surround yourself people who understand, and are willing to help. :)

[BrokenXPaperXDolls]

i do have councelling but we dont get on well and also there problems revolving around that. i tried talking to my best friend but i couldnt as scared, not sure why though just afraid she will think diffently or wont like the actuall me if that makes sence. im just so tired if u know what i mean.

[FullyAlive]

Yes, it's easy to think that someones opinion will change of you, but you couldn't be more wrong. No one can be perfect all the time, for all you know your friend might wonder how you can possibly be so happy all the time. They might be just dying to help you and for you to open up, you just have to give them the chance. They might even think more of you for having the confidence to talk.

About the counsellor, I've never been to a proper one myself but can't you change, and get a different one. Also I think for counseling to work you you have to be open to it, and be willing to work with the counsellor.

[Fiction]

I have the same problem with my councellor. As Louise said, you can ask for another one. Try talking to your parents about it.