Just started :S

[adudewhodoesdudes]

Hey guys and girls,

Over the last week I kinda had a pretty bad mental breakdown and at the moment I really have no idea about myself. I couldn't describe myself if I tried and with that I also stopped feeling anything real. And well you can probably guess what happened then. I have only cut myself once but that is pretty much the only thing I have felt and it felt quite good. Now I really want to do it again even though I know its not going to help and I really don't want my family to find out. They are part of the problem but I try to avoid them as much as I can.

The problem is I feel like I have to do it again but I don't even know why, I just feel like it will help me get through this. I know a lot of people have been struggling for years with these problems but I really don't want to continue like that. I am fairly sure that I am going to do it again soon because at the moment I cannot deal with not knowing what is going on with me.

Thanks for reading my story please tell me anything you think may help or feel free to ask any questions.

[FullyAlive]

Don't. Please don't.
I've been self harming for a 18 months and cutting for just over 12 months, and if I'm perfectly honest it's wrecked my life. Not only do I have physical scars that I probably won't get rid of for years, but I also have the mental scars. Every day I feel the guilt and shame and have to spend my days trying to hide the cuts and scars from my family and friends.

Stop now before it gets out of control, distract yourself when you're upset read, write, draw, sing, listen to music, walk, do sport, go shopping etc. You could also try techniques such as snapping elastic bands, rubbing ice or drawing in pen.

And also you should talk to someone, be it someone on here, a counsellor, friends, teacher etc. about the problems and feelings causing you to cut, these problems need to get fixed if you want to feel better.

Good luck, I'm here to talk should you ever want too. :hug:

[IlM'aime_xx]

Dont do it, it wont make yu feel better for much longer. do anything but that it might not be easy just now but its better than trying to quit later on when things are 10 times worse.

[UnknownError]

Stop now, before it becomes an addiction.
As Louise said, use distractions. It will ruin your life.
Im here if you want to talk. :3

[love is louder]

I cant really give you any advice at the minute cause im kind of in the middle of a major relapse
i have been cutting for the past 5 years and have very recently moved on to other things
all i want to say is im glad you have addressed the issue straight away and have posted this thread.
as Louise said there are many other things you can do instead and because your new to it it will be easier to stop.
As is does work in the beginning like any addiction it feels great but it escolates with time.
i know this is a bit of a rant but i hope you see that this path is not a one any of us would choose if we could start over.

Good luck and i hope you figure this out.

[MacMilker]

Listen to what everyone else has said.
They're a 100% spot on. I never actually cut before but I went through a period where I pulled my hair out do to stress and tension in my life.
The connection being that it was a really really hard thing to stop because I didn't stop early on.
Like what everyone else said you need to keep yourself occupied. Play video games. go for a run, etc.
Big bald spots on a head, are no better than big scars on ones wrists.
You can get a grip on it, and trust me every single person on this site believes in you.
If you need anything please contact me in any way you can.
Good luck!

[adudewhodoesdudes]

Thanks everybody, it feels a lot better knowing that people care.
I still have the problem currently of not knowing much about myself and that still worries me a bit. One thing that has been bugging me is why I had a mental breakdown. I'm 18 and everything was starting to look good except for my family but I was looking to move out by the end of the month. Only last week I still knew myself pretty well but then it all just stopped which is what led me to cut in the first place.
Before I would never have considered anything like this before and now I can barely remember actually doing it in the first place, I only remember that it helped. If anyone has any ideas into what happened to me I would be very grateful.
Also feel free to ask any questions.
Thanks

[love is louder]

i was 14 when it all started up for me. i have great friends a good family i was still in school so no responsibilitys but i had all this anger that came from nowhere
i was washing the dishes in a foul mood and accidentally deeply cut my self on a tin and you felt the release that i did and i was confused it kinda grew from there
five years later and i have only just started seeing a therapist and i really dont know why it took me that long!
my suggestion would be to get one. oh and move out asap :)

[Ambrosia]

Well you obviously need to try and think back to the day that you stopped "knowing who you are". Try and remember what happened at the time, on that day, that exact moment, when suddenly you looked up and realized something wasn't right. If you can pinpoint what triggered such an odd thing then you can try and reverse. Or at least work at fixing it and re-finding yourself!
As for the cutting, listen to everyones advice. Cutting is never the way to go and people who do it can tell you exactly why. We don't like to see people sucked up into the same horrors we are living in because we know it's preventable. I have been cutting for a good four years now and yeah, it does screw up your life pretty good. Scars are no fun to have to explain to people. You only have one cut now, one that hopefully isn't so deep it will scar badly. As everyone has said, I recommend not adding to it. Find another way to vent those feelings (Blog it! Or PM someone! Or...Kick a pillow).

Good luck! =D

[adudewhodoesdudes]

At the moment I feel like myself which is good i think because I never felt like myself while cutting. This week has been interesting and I thank everyone so much for their support it really did help me and I think i know what triggered my mental breakdown (Well half of it anyway). All I need to do now is figure how to not let it happen again. I think what caused it was a mixture of stress build up, feelings towards people (and anxiety about those people and their feelings towards me) and a bit of depression. I really don't want to cut myself again but that is how I always felt and I still did it several times. Two nights ago could not stop thinking up excuses and reasons to cut myself but I managed to hold off that night but the next night I watched myself cut and felt as if I had no control, it just happened. I had some fun trying to explain to my family why even though it is still really hot i was wearing a long sleeve top for the first time in about 2 months and now I hope no-one at my work tomorrow wonders the same thing.
I am sorry because i feel as if I let everybody down by cutting again even though everybody was saying not to, I really couldn't stop myself. My goal now is to get to Wednesday when I finish work for the week and then if i don't cut until then I will see if i can go the whole week.

Thank you all for your advice and support it did help. Sorry for the summary of my week I just felt like sharing it. :p

[love is louder]

Dont feel guilty because of other people
This is about you and the way you feel.
this is just a quick reply because im mega busy but i wanted to say something
Im sorry that youve done it again and i hope your giving them the proper care.
Keep safe and you know where i am if you need me.