why??

[idk girl]

i just had an amazing trip with my church away from my family and had the best time ever. but the entire time i thought about cutting and killing myself. the youth ministers know about my cutting but it was the spring break awesome trip and i didn't want to ruin it by talking to someone. but why did i even think about it? why did i want to cut even though i was having a fabulous time? why did i still think about how happy i am with thought of my plan for killing myself? why?

[Love.Hate]

Because its an addiction.
Even when your happy.. its odd i know, but the truth of the matter is its not going to go away unless you work at it.
You know suicide isnt a option you should even think about, let alone consider. We are all here, just stay strong and ignore that feeling as best as you can <3

[idk girl]

thank you.
I know suicide shouldn't be an option to consider, but i did consider it, i even set a date. which i know isn't good.

[derkderpderp]

well ive made dates where i was going to end everything, and i was dead certain on doing it, i even planned it all out, i.e im going to leave at this time, put my note here, say goodbye and apologise to these people etc etc, but then about a week before the set date, i had a sudden bout of happiness, and i worked on it?
idk if this will help, i can only apologise if it doesnt, but you have to find something that makes you happy, or keeps you pleasantly occupied (i read a lot, or i draw or paint or write short stories and lyrics), and try your best to do that when you are either thinking about self harming, or whether you are thinking of ending your beautiful being and committing suicide.
Its hard, it takes a huge amount of will power and courage to sway yourself to not self harm when it feels like what you need, it takes a gargantuan amount of bottle to stop yourself from committing suicide, but hey, guess what?
It also takes a frankly amazing amount of courage to talk to people you dont really know online about your self harming, and about having thoughts of suicide.
It really does, so if this helps, the next time you want to self harm, or want to commit suicide, and you dont feel very brave or you just want to be alone for a while, think about your truly amazing qualities.
If you are self harming, then surely that means you are going through more than you think you can deal with, but hey, youre still here arent you? fighting the feelings/the things getting you down, i mean how many people can say 'yeah ive got problems, but im still here taking them and im dealing with them in MY OWN WAY', that shows responsibility, that shows the level of maturity you have, and the strength you have for taking all this.
Seriously, Melissa, well done.
idk, just think about anything that makes you happy, but i mean, think about it like this:
i dont know you, all ive seen is a post you posted, and i can tell you that you are brave, so all you need to do is look into yourself, and see yourself from another persons point of view, and you will see how strong and how awesome you are.
i hope these ideas will help you get through any times you feel like self harming, or committing suicide.
Please feel free to pm me at any time at all.
take care, and once again, well done :)
<3