Time has long passed(comments please)

[MadManWithaBox]

Time has long passed since she saw that place. It feels like a hundred years to her. A place where she could love, and live, and dance, once more. It has been a very long time since she saw that place.

Her world has changed.
Her world has corrupted.
Her dreams have withered and perished.
She saw the transformation.
She watched her world decay.
She stood by, and did nothing, as the world went to hell.
And then she followed.

She had no honor, she had no dignity.
She had nothing left to resist with.
Her mind was black, as black as pitch, as black as the world she had allowed to crumble in front of her, and the sky, where the stars shone no more.

She wandered through life.Only existing, not living.Life passed her by.

There was no hero to save her.
There was no magic spell to set things right.
All she could do was close her eyes.

And wait.

(I've already uploaded this one. But a fresh set of eyes? I'm having a wee bit of writers block)

[deadpie]

This poem seems barely different from this one you wrote. (http://virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=97190) Same writing style and starting lines off with she and her. Sure it'll capture everyone else's interest because it plays on the emotion of a girl with problems and people enjoy that, but it's just nothing special or new to me that you haven't already wrote.

inb4 cosmic "you have no right to criticize other people's writings" and "i'm sorry you feel that way".

Edit: The advice: Try when writing a poem using a different word for each line. It really helps stop repetition, even if repetition is what you're going for, it's not that amusing to everyone else. Also, use better word phrasing than 'black as pitch', 'no hero to save her', and 'no magic spell to set things right'. This poem could of been allot better if executed correctly. Actually scratch that. Allot of your poems could be if executed correctly.

[MadManWithaBox]

It is, you're quite right. Just a style I suppose.