I feel like I was molested but?

[guyfromnowhere]

I remember my grandpa throwing me to the floor pulling my pants down and saying it was for my own good. I remember screaming and then believing him. That's all I remember. I don't remember him actually raping me. I had been 3 or 4 no older than 4. I feel like he had no business doing what I remember as I had just waken up so why would he physically abuse me because that couldve been the option but I don't even remember talking to him as I had just waken up. Anyway I told my mom what happened when I was 10. She made lie to the detectives she said the incident wasn't enough. I had gotten examined and I had no std which my grandpa has herpis. and was a virgin but I did have a yeast infection back when I was young and showed symptoms of being abused since I was a little boy. I had made my dolls play sex made sexual advances at any male of any age and had sexual dreams fantasies and orgasms and have always had this control issue. Anyway I'm so confused on what to think. Like I feel like something happened something was obviously wrong with me. But I'm a virgin which makes me feel like idk if I was.

[StrongSilent]

There is no physical test to see whether a male is a virgin.... It could've been proved that you did not have an STD but not that no one had ever entered you.

[Quick_Sylver]

Have you spoken to a therapist or a counselor about this? They'd be able to tell best if you had the mental damage from it.

[Myrnodin]

Have you spoken to a therapist or a counselor about this? They'd be able to tell best if you had the mental damage from it.

I agree here. The passages of memory are branching and confuse, but a therapist can do the best to help you know what happened. And if in their sessions you discover that there was actually some sort of abuse (std is no proof, he could have done waaaay worse things without transmitting an std) then you will have a valid proof.

On a side note, you mentioned that your mom made you "lie to the detectives". I dont know in what context that happened, but id strongly recommend against it. Lying to a detective is never a good idea. Even if you dont have conclusive evidence, giving them ALL the evidence you have sets them in the path of actually getting the conclusive evidence.

Hope this helps,

Regards,

Josh.

[guyfromnowhere]

yea I always disagreed with what my mom needed me to do that's why I refused to say I was raped when it came to testify. I know she was trying to do what was best.

thanks decided to get some counselling for sure just hope it isn't the wrong choice and makes things worst.

[Myrnodin]

Yay for counseling!

Con a serious note tho:

Ita really good that you are getting a counselor. I will help a lot no matter whats the truth. :)