Is there someone out there , anyone ?

[IlM'aime_xx]

I dnt know exactly what im supposed to or even what im going to write here i just know i might explode if i dont. i never thought this would be so hard to write about considering its practically all i think of.

Its weird cos at first it did really help ? i felt so much better , for a while, everything dissapeared, i could breath again. now its just like im so scared of getting stressed or upset incase i end up cutting yet again and what i cant help thinking about all the what ifs, what if i go too far or what if i cant stop and i just keep going till im gone. Instead of helping its just making things worse now. Dont get me wrong, for like the first minute or so after i still get the calm and the carefree moment but then the guilt and the shame kicks in and its like ive just gone and made everything ten times worse.

I dont even know if i should be here writing this cos ive only been cutting for 6 months and seeing some of the other posts i feel like maybe i shouldnt even be complaining, everyone else seems to have been doing it for years and i sometimes wonder if maybe im making too big a deal of it, like what if i dont really have a problem. i feel like such a fraud.

So if anyones bothered to read this rant then thanks, i know im probably not making alot of sense.
i guess i just really need someone to tell me everythings gonna be ok, that im gonna be ok. will i ?

[MadManWithaBox]

You have to believe things will be ok. You have to be convinced, never give up, never accept defeat, keep fighting in the worst times, like Churchill did. Do that, and you will be ok. You will win.

[IlM'aime_xx]

thanks, i hope so

[MadManWithaBox]

I know so.

[anony]

@ IlM'aime_xx

we are not frauds.
I have been burning myself for 2 months now.
this is real. we need to figure out what to do.

I dont know what to do. I can't hide it much longer.

[FullyAlive]

No it's not weird that it helped you at first, cutting still helps me, but then just like you described the guilt and regret starts and gets you stressed and you just want to do it again like a vicious cycle. But you have to try and use that as your motivation to stop.

You are definitely not a fraud, it's not a competition just because you haven't done it as long as some people it doesn't make your pain any less real. However the fact you've not been doing it too long means hopefully it will be easier for you to stop.

Don't worry about not making sense or ranting it's what we are here for. And you're right everything will be ok. You have to keep trying and it may take some time but one day everything will be fine.

If you ever need to talk to someone you're welcome to talk to me. :hug: