Relapsing again...

[blah_x]

Well.. i aint been on here in a while, i guess i just couldnt, i couldnt do a lot tbh... went down a hole of deep, deep depression the last couple of months.. and you know the scariest part off it all was that no-one even really noticed.

Suicide has been on my mind ALOT.. but i keep hanging on for the sake off my best friend.. she needs me because she has already been through enough shit in her life.. Sometimes i just think that it would be all so much easier if i ended it.. which it would, for me.. not anyone else though.

I haden't SH in a while until about 2 weeks ago when things just got all on top of me again.

There is a point to this rant, basically, anyone out there hear me? Going throught the same shit?
Let me know.. i really need to feel normal again.
I wish there was someone i could tell, (apart from my virtual friends) :P.. But i know, they have a job and that would involve telling my dad.. AND THAT CAN NEVER HAPPEN!
Ughh everything is such a mess :(

[Totality]

Trust Me,

Im in the exact same position.

Ive contemplated suicide, throughout these past months, a hell of a lot :/

Ive started cutting again, not too deep yet, still have scars from the past year, throughout it all.

Luckily, I have some friends, who very reluctantly, do keep it to themselves.

But, your not the only one.

Im holding one, for one person. She needs me more than ever right now, and I need her, if only I told her that.

But, I talk to random people, cut and bleed.

People need to realize, that its hard for us to stop cutting, its our release mechanism, its addictive however deadly.

So, if you need to chat, I dont mind, I know how it is.

[Fiction]

I'm only here for two people.

I overdosed just over 5 weeks ago and ended up in hospital. Since then suicide has constantly been on my mind and my cutting has got deeper and more frequent than ever. I'm still here though, because after my overdose I realised I don't want to go through that again. I have horrible memories of hospital and my overdose, and I don't want to go through that again. Suicide isn't worth it. Find me in the right mood and I know I wouldn't be saying that but the point is deep down I know that. It doesn't have to take an attempt to be taught that though. It shouldn't need to.

If you feel that down you should try and tell someone, before everyone finds out about your self harm like my parents did. They found out because I overdosed. Don't let it get that far, get help before you get there because after that type of stuff you don't come out of it the same person.

[blah_x]

Thanks Dark Vampire.. good to know there is others out there.

I understand Kathy, but there is no-one i can tell.. who ever i tell is going to tell my dad, and he cant cope with this right now.
Thank-you though.

[Fiction]

Your dad will cope a lot better finding out that you self harm, than he would finding out you attempted suicide and finding out about your self harm at the same time.