i'm done

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Yeah, I know I didn't turn in two assignments, (or so it says) but I remember turning it in! This happens all the firkin time, I don't turn in something, you yell, its an endless cycle. You've told me you gave up everything for me. You've told me 'fuck you'.I've always hated my self, so this makes my decisions clear. Its never too late to get what you want. If I wasn't here, your life and everybody else's life would be better. I'm done and over this. I hate my self for treating everyone like sh!t, I hate my self.

[derkderpderp]

hey, listen to me, calm down first.
breathe, and plug in some music to drown out everything.

now, maybe you did forget to hand it in, or maybe the other person receiving the assignments simply mis-placed them, but by getting angry they will start thinking 'oh hang on, shes getting angry, if she really did hand them in why get angry?' so breathe.

now, you hate yourself, and people have told you to 'fuck you', i know how it feels oddly enough, it sucks, it feels like what everyone says is right, that you are a bad person according to them right?
but hey, are these judgemental people you?
do they know what goes on inside your head?
do they know how much you do for them when all they give is aggro back?
no they dont, so forget them for a while.
concentrate on yourself?
i know this is all vague, but im trying my best with what you have posted (pm me if you wish, il reply to the best of my ability), but all you can do whenever they make you feel like this, is occupy yourself.
read, write, draw, doodle, scribble, shout, scream, kick, punch, cry if you feel like it, but do it all in your own room, in the conditions YOU are comfortable with.
it feels like you have little control over your life right?
thats why you think that suicide might be an answer? because if you take control of committing suicide then you think they might be better off, and you will be free?
but hey, you know that if anything that will hurt them, and yes theyre hurting you, but all you have to do is confide in ONE of the people in your family, or a teacher and it will seem so much easier getting through your day?
idk, im here to help.
please pm me because it sucks you feel like this, and it sucks even more that you posted this a few days ago and no-one has replied openly.
im here, and please try to keep occupied?
<3

[Fiction]

Honestly suicide is not worth it. Survivng an attempt is the worst thing that'll ever happen to you and you'll wish so much that you hadn't done it. It took an attempt for me to realise what I have to live for. I won't pretend that I don't still have a suicidal thoughts but I know that it's best to ignore them now. It doesn't need to take an attempt to know this though. You can realise it now. It's much better to get help now than to wait until after an attempt and get it then.

[Iron Man]

^This. Of course there are going to be the setbacks in life, but you also have to focus on the good things, things that make you happy, even if it is little things. Life is too precious to waste.

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Thanks everybody. I actually forgot about making this thread until I searched thorugh my history. I feel sort of dumb now that I let my emotions get to me, and it turns out I was absent for when that assignment was due :/ Thanks again.

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

hey, listen to me, calm down first.
breathe, and plug in some music to drown out everything.

now, maybe you did forget to hand it in, or maybe the other person receiving the assignments simply mis-placed them, but by getting angry they will start thinking 'oh hang on, shes getting angry, if she really did hand them in why get angry?' so breathe.

now, you hate yourself, and people have told you to 'fuck you', i know how it feels oddly enough, it sucks, it feels like what everyone says is right, that you are a bad person according to them right?
but hey, are these judgemental people you?
do they know what goes on inside your head?
do they know how much you do for them when all they give is aggro back?
no they dont, so forget them for a while.
concentrate on yourself?
i know this is all vague, but im trying my best with what you have posted (pm me if you wish, il reply to the best of my ability), but all you can do whenever they make you feel like this, is occupy yourself.
read, write, draw, doodle, scribble, shout, scream, kick, punch, cry if you feel like it, but do it all in your own room, in the conditions YOU are comfortable with.
it feels like you have little control over your life right?
thats why you think that suicide might be an answer? because if you take control of committing suicide then you think they might be better off, and you will be free?
but hey, you know that if anything that will hurt them, and yes theyre hurting you, but all you have to do is confide in ONE of the people in your family, or a teacher and it will seem so much easier getting through your day?
idk, im here to help.
please pm me because it sucks you feel like this, and it sucks even more that you posted this a few days ago and no-one has replied openly.
im here, and please try to keep occupied?
<3

I flipped open my notebook a few days ago, and I found it in there. I could have sworn I turned it in, but I looked at the date it was due, and it turns out it was due on a day I wasn't at school.

I hate the feeling. But, the sad part is that they're right. I treat them like crap with my actions, but it feels like they're being hypocritical because I try to be there for them when they're upset, and I try to fix whatever it is bothering them, for them. I've decided though to stop trying to make others happy, and to just do what's best for me. Hmm... I thought about it for a few minutes .. and your right. They're always judgmental towards me, and a lot of them (not all) but some of them treat ME like crap. Then they expect for me to be there to them when things don't go their way. They seem to think that I'm fine after they say or do something that actually hurts me, and get upset when I treat them the way they've treated me.Your right too, they don't know what goes on in my head..they seem (from what I can tell by their actions) to think that nothing in the world can hurt me, that all of these thoughts are foriegn to me. I guess I wouldn't blame them, because I try to make everything funny (try), and try to act as though nothing is upsetting me (I hope). But, I've even called out some people out on their actions, and they all start yellin gat me. One of them always says their joking.

Sometimes I feel like suicide is the only way to control my life. But after I calm down ,I start thinking clearly again. I realize I'd just hurt the people around me, and it would be selfish...no matter how much they've hurt me. Just because they've hurt me, I just couldn't hurt any of them.

This is stupid, but I'm afraid they'll turn their backs on me if I tell them what goes through in my head. They'll yell at me, and hate me. They'll mock what I've said to them....that's already happened. I just wish I never made the mistake of leaving my diary out.

Thankyou so much for your advice, and if you need anything just PM me..it's the least I can do.

~Nella

[derkderpderp]

hey no problem, but what you have to do is hard, probably one of the hardest things you will ever do, and that is: seeing the beauty of yourself, just because they treat you this way, they still call you their friend right? even if they arent the best of friends, so surely that means that there are some things about you that they value?

its difficult trying to see good points about oneself when it feels like the world is a pillar of hate and we are crumbling under its compression?under its pressure?
but you can do it, you really can, just think of how much you have already gone through, and still you wouldnt want to hurt them! how many of your friends or whoever can you say would feel the same, i.e who wouldnt want to just blow up like crazy and want to hurt those hurting them?
you are a truly amazing person to have gone through this, never forget that :D