Just another mental breakdown

[Syvelocin]

Well, my breakdown is over now. I've been calmed down well, actually.

I'll keep this short since I made a thread in the Abuse section already today.

I'm just going to say, I'm starting to scare myself in a way unrelated to my harmful behaviours. I've scared myself with my anorexia and my self-harm. But I feel like I'm slowly losing it, until I'll be reduced to a pulp of my former self. I feel like, if I'm not fully mental yet, that it's a ticking fucking time bomb until I am.

I feel like what people were freaking out over before, the ED and the SI and such, is the least that they should be worrying about. I'll be one of those OCDs or schizos you see as victims on crime shows. I'm slowly losing all rationality and sense of reality.

And it's only a Monday.

[derkderpderp]

I apologise if what im about to say is something you have already heard or done, but vent?
Let it all out?
Is there anyone you can talk to openly about this? If not im here, as is everyone else on this site.
Just let it all out, kick, scream, shout, cry if it makes you feel better, and then tackle this without the emotional hindrance?
I.e without the feelings of 'oh crudbuckets im doomed to be crazy', instead write it down if it helps.
Your emotions are evidently complicated, why wouldnt they be, but youre not going crazy, because i mean you came on here and you have clearly stated that you know you have problems such as the ED and the SI, and that takes rationality, so surely youre not crazy?
Maybe all of this is just a build up of stress and tension, of which leads to the SI, and maybe because of the ED?
idk, this may or may not help, but if it did, please feel free to PM me anytime. : )

[georgiamay]

Honestly? If you were going mental you wouldn't notice, people that go mad think they're normal.

I've felt like this a lot. I've sat there before and thought, "you know what? One day I'll be in a max security psych ward, because I'll be insane by the end of the month." I've never actually gone insane though, and that's probably what's going on with you.

Have you spoken to your psychologist about this? Maybe you're just afraid of losing control, so you tell yourself that you are losing control. It's a pretty rational fear, and apparently it's pretty common.

:hug:

[Syvelocin]

The thing is, I don't think I'm going insane. I know for a fact I will get progressively worse. There's no debate there. It's just thinking about how worse it will get, that this isn't the worst of it. I'm psychotic, and I don't know what is going to go on when I get more psychotic.

[derkderpderp]

ok, have you considered talking to a professional about these feelings and thoughts?

[Syvelocin]

Yes. Leslie gets every thread in the psych ward I make, every vent I write down. She's kind of relieved right now for some reason. I see her Thursday.