Urge To Give In

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Damn it, I was doing great for a bit, now I just want to cut again. I didn't realize how addictive I could get to cutting when I first started. I thought that one or two slices wouldn't affect me, but here I am today :(

Sorry.... Just a rant..

[love is louder]

never apologise.
this is what were here for
is there any particular reason for you cutting or is it just out of habbit?
once i realised mine was out of habbit it was easier to quit

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Well, its stupid reasons, but yeah.. Two of the reasons are I guess trying to maintain my grades the way they are, and my friends. Also somectimes I just...crave it, it sounds so messed up but yeah.

[love is louder]

i have lesser reasons trust me.
i think you should try and address these things in a diffrent way
i know itll be harder and thats the reason you do it in the first place
but in the long run i think it will make it alot better.

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

I just don't want people to think as me as someone who's crying out for attention. I'm also afraid that I'll lose some of my friends because of this, I know that if they really are my friends that they would stick with me, but their parents are the types of parents that won't let their kids hang out with anyone who self harms. If I tell my parents, they'll be disappointed in me, and we'll probably get into this big argument :/

[love is louder]

i totally understand.
most people wouldnt get it. and if they dont understand it they wont tend to like it.
only one of my friends knows and that was pure accident and she only thinks iv done it once or twice
my advice would be to go and see some sort of therapist.
not that i can say much i have been self harming 5 years and my second therapy sesion is tomorrow!

[StrongSilent]

I believe in you Ginnella. It may not be today or tomorrow, but I know you will find it somewhere in you to stop.

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Yeah, my friends would probably throw a fit, and my parents would yell at me for hours.... They don't mean harm, but non of them would get it.

Last night i was with one of my best friends, and we were talking about self harm. I had said something like 'I may dress sort of emo (sorry if that's offensive) but I don't cut, or self harm' and she gave me a look and said 'are you sure?' I freaked out and said that the only cuts on my arms are from my cat (which isn't a complete lie) ... Then I changed the subject, she knows I tried to make my self throw up, and stop eating too.

I think I'm going to therapy tomorrow, but if I tell my therapist, she's going to report it to the state. During oyr fist session, I had agreed that is she knew I was cutting or had an eating disorder, that she could inform the state... I feel so stupid to agree to that now, but if I didn't agree, she would have known that I cut or thought I had an eating disorder..

I hope all is good for you! I usually feel cheery when I'm done with my therapy sessions. If you need to talk, I'm here (although..I probably won't be much of a help...)

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

I believe in you Ginnella. It may not be today or tomorrow, but I know you will find it somewhere in you to stop.


Thankyou, that means a lot. :) I'll try not to hurt my self.

[love is louder]

like i said people are scared of what they dont understand.
is there any particular reason why you got onto this subject with your friend?
maybe shes more open to it than you might think
i think eating disorders are so much easier to explain (which i also suffer from)
maybe you could ease you way into it with this and test your waters if you thinkin of opening up to her?

i was thinking about telling mine about the whole self harm scenario but i didnt consider her having to tell other people so maybe i wont for now.
how long have you had a therapist?
yes but if you didnt agree she couldnt have told anyone if you told her
these things confuse me
they say there there to help and your supposed to open up then put up all these barriers to make it impossible.
(guess i got into a bit of a rant there) :P

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

True, I was too before I started cutting,I knew someone who use to cut, and I didn't understand why she would do that.
Oh the reason why we got to that conversation was because we were talking about this guy in school (who she's know since kindergarten) and how he called her emo, and that he shouldn't be talking. She said something like 'he probably wouldn't have the guts to hurt himself' and the conversation just went towards the direction it went. She's smarter(not that I didn't think she was smart already..) then I give her credit for, she knows things I didn't know she knew...
As stupid as this sounds, I just could never figure out how to throw up (lame right) and I was starting to feel dizzy when I tried not eating anything...
Eh, she'd tell my parents. She also said that if she felt that I was at risk, we'd have to discuss it with my parents present. And me+ emotions= not so well


I'm sure your therapist won't tell anyone, it's just mine. Most people on here have said that their therapists have kept it a secret, I think mine is just the one therapist that WILL tell others :(

Well, I've had this therapist since January, but therapy isn't new to me. I've had a therapist since age 2 (family issues....) I didn't go to therapy from ages 3-6, then I started going back to therapy at 6 1/2 (family issues..) I stopped at about 9 because the therapist thought I was a happy child, and then got placed into therapy once more in January for other reasons...
The sad thing is, that I agreed to it. I really dont know why I agreed to it now, I think at the time I just wanted to get out.
Same with me too
I know right! Its like saying 'Oh that dress looks pretty on you, but it's a little TOO tight.
It's all good :) lol

[love is louder]

it might be something to do with your age that she has to take it further
as i am now classed as an adult (althrough i certainly dont feel like one) maybe i am able to look after my own problems.
im definately not able to give you any advice on therapy then my life has pretty much been average - i think your going to have to be my go to girl for that :P.
or maybe you should change your therapist and not sign the concent form! (unless it was the one from the beginning, you would probably have to start all over again) then that might not be a good idea.
Sorry for not making sence i am WAY too tired.
im gunna go off to bed now but i reckon we'll catch up soon
good look with your non cutting
how long has it been by the way?

Night x