Officially asking for help

[CuriousDestruction]

It has been a long time since i've been on VT but now i am back and need it more than ever i think.

I don't have a purpose for living anymore. which really seems ironic because things are going so well. like, too well. my friends are all really happy and drama has drained from my life. I am finally getting along with my parents. I have been accepted to college. My grades are good. I am no longer stressed. I love my friends dearly. And they love me. the problem is, I don't give a shit.

I don't care about anyone or anything. My life has lost all meaning, purpose, essence, etc. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just don't care. Don't care to laugh, to do homework, to eat, to sleep. I don't care to exist. why bother? i don't care about my friends even though i love them. What's really scary is that i don't even care enough to kill myself. i just don't care at all. i can't make myself care either.

I know i sound like a typically depressed teenager. And i am. but i am on an emotional free fall, and my parachute is jammed. I don't know if my spare chute will work. and by the time it does, more damage may have been caused then can be repaired. i really don't know where i'm going, or if i'll come back. i just don't know.

[Quahog]

I don't see why you feel the way you do. Your life seems quite happy. It doesn't seem as though you are depressed, or alone. Is there something else that is bothering you, that you aren't mentioning? I really feel that if you just enjoy life for what it is, you will be able to live day to day better. Everyday brings a new journey. Sometimes it is a good journey, and sometimes it is a bad journey. But we have to be able to live life happy. Regardless of what kind of a day it is. You just got accepted into college. That right there should be an incredible moment for you. Have you tried writing things down in a journal? Just everyday, jotting down your thoughts, just to get them out. I don't think you hate life, and hate everything to do with living, I just feel you don't quite understand how life works. That we can't put on a smiley face every single day.

You have lots of things going well for you at the moment. I would take advantage of all the new adventures that you are going to have. Not focus so much on being depressed, but happy that you are here to witness it all.

[CuriousDestruction]

I have every reason to be happy. but i am unable to be. i am unable to be sad, angry, depressed, etc. i just exist, nothing more. i want to take advantage of my situation, but i am too emotionally detached. i can do nothing. if this is what happens when life is good, i'm not sure i should continue living honestly