MyRedHeadWorld
March 1st, 2011, 02:39 PM
I usually let my anger out through Cutting, this is how I started:
I use to just think "Why dont I just go and die" Of course this was just over reacting, then shit happend at school, a bit at home, My personaly life, and I cried, But crying didt help, so one night while tears were still running down my face, i just got a pair of scissors (Yeah, I dont use A knife :/) and did it! A few times!! I felt so anger, I was thinking of those who hurt me, The bitching, the heart break, Yelling, illness, Homesick, all of it! Each cut reprisent something, Insucurity, Backstabbers, Education, and then I felt better?
I stopped for about 3-4 weeks? Some of the scares faded, and I felt on top of the world for a while, but once again, shit happend. So I did it, and worse! I bleed a bit this time, And the scares sting!! Ok, and now Im coming to what I wanted to rant about:
I know this guy, he's like my best friend (Best guy friend deffinatly) We meet through an ex bf. He was like his best mates and well, He was amazing! We have alot in comman, Sense of humour, we arnt easily embarresd, Music, The way we think of everything, and we got along like great, infact, Theres always been apart of me thats like "He's so sweet...and kinda cute? Hmmm" and then we broke up ¬¬ me and my ex are still mates but that guy got me through it. and then I got a new bf, he HATED him but he put up with him for me. 3 months down the line, He decided this other girl was better and that he didnt love me anymore. I was heartbroken </3 I stopped eating, and....Ohh thats when I started it seriously, I mean, I did it before but not like this! I went through depression, and it didnt help I had other shit to deal with, But he was there for me, through thin and thick...
He broke up with his gf, and I did like him, so I waited and he gave me all these signs he liked me, so I asked him out, he said he had to think about it ¬¬ So I waited, when everyone kept bugging me about it, I got stressed, and again, cut myself. Then my ex (Secound ex, not first one) started talking to me again, and we were getting along great, he actully said he still kinda liked me, Even though he is in love with his gf, and I thought, "Oh wow. really? Um..." and then later I got my awnser, He did like me, but he thought its best being mates. I did agree but I was bummed. So, in school, not acward at all, and then in maths, were messing about, Fighting, and he hurt my 'bad arm' WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE! So I said (Quitely so others couldnt hear!)
"Jesus, Fuck! You cut one of my scares!" (He kinda did, it started to bleed abit :/) Where he then says "Ahh well, you would have done it later"
Now, thats kinda clever & funny, IF Your not actully cutting yourself, and its not aimed at you!! 5 secounds later he reilised How bad that was and the look on my face I was pissed!! "Omg, Im sorry, it just slipped out!!" That whole lesson I sat there misrable, he tickeld me, trying to make me laugh, goofing around, and hugging me, But I was sad...I kinda forgave him, and later I took a pic with him and My other boy mate and said "Ones gay...which one" and pointed at him, and he said "OWI!! No way" I said "Well _____ has a gf, and you dont!! XD" Joking around and he said "Ohh just cause I wont go out with you!" O_O Yeah again, clever, blah blah blah, but, really?
I then thought "If he thinks that, the one person I trust with my life, the one person who kinda means the world to me thinks that and is being like that, what does everyone else think" and he apoligized on facebook, But tbh, I like him alot less now :/
I dont think anyone can say much to this and its REALLY long, I just had to say sank...
I use to just think "Why dont I just go and die" Of course this was just over reacting, then shit happend at school, a bit at home, My personaly life, and I cried, But crying didt help, so one night while tears were still running down my face, i just got a pair of scissors (Yeah, I dont use A knife :/) and did it! A few times!! I felt so anger, I was thinking of those who hurt me, The bitching, the heart break, Yelling, illness, Homesick, all of it! Each cut reprisent something, Insucurity, Backstabbers, Education, and then I felt better?
I stopped for about 3-4 weeks? Some of the scares faded, and I felt on top of the world for a while, but once again, shit happend. So I did it, and worse! I bleed a bit this time, And the scares sting!! Ok, and now Im coming to what I wanted to rant about:
I know this guy, he's like my best friend (Best guy friend deffinatly) We meet through an ex bf. He was like his best mates and well, He was amazing! We have alot in comman, Sense of humour, we arnt easily embarresd, Music, The way we think of everything, and we got along like great, infact, Theres always been apart of me thats like "He's so sweet...and kinda cute? Hmmm" and then we broke up ¬¬ me and my ex are still mates but that guy got me through it. and then I got a new bf, he HATED him but he put up with him for me. 3 months down the line, He decided this other girl was better and that he didnt love me anymore. I was heartbroken </3 I stopped eating, and....Ohh thats when I started it seriously, I mean, I did it before but not like this! I went through depression, and it didnt help I had other shit to deal with, But he was there for me, through thin and thick...
He broke up with his gf, and I did like him, so I waited and he gave me all these signs he liked me, so I asked him out, he said he had to think about it ¬¬ So I waited, when everyone kept bugging me about it, I got stressed, and again, cut myself. Then my ex (Secound ex, not first one) started talking to me again, and we were getting along great, he actully said he still kinda liked me, Even though he is in love with his gf, and I thought, "Oh wow. really? Um..." and then later I got my awnser, He did like me, but he thought its best being mates. I did agree but I was bummed. So, in school, not acward at all, and then in maths, were messing about, Fighting, and he hurt my 'bad arm' WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE! So I said (Quitely so others couldnt hear!)
"Jesus, Fuck! You cut one of my scares!" (He kinda did, it started to bleed abit :/) Where he then says "Ahh well, you would have done it later"
Now, thats kinda clever & funny, IF Your not actully cutting yourself, and its not aimed at you!! 5 secounds later he reilised How bad that was and the look on my face I was pissed!! "Omg, Im sorry, it just slipped out!!" That whole lesson I sat there misrable, he tickeld me, trying to make me laugh, goofing around, and hugging me, But I was sad...I kinda forgave him, and later I took a pic with him and My other boy mate and said "Ones gay...which one" and pointed at him, and he said "OWI!! No way" I said "Well _____ has a gf, and you dont!! XD" Joking around and he said "Ohh just cause I wont go out with you!" O_O Yeah again, clever, blah blah blah, but, really?
I then thought "If he thinks that, the one person I trust with my life, the one person who kinda means the world to me thinks that and is being like that, what does everyone else think" and he apoligized on facebook, But tbh, I like him alot less now :/
I dont think anyone can say much to this and its REALLY long, I just had to say sank...