Relapsing...

[Fiction]

I can't stop thinking about it. I want to starve again, and purge again. I weigh 102lb now. I was 95lb only a month or so ago. Why did I fuck it up so badly? Why did I let myself get like this again?

I really don't want to fall back into this fucking cycle. I hate it so much, but the thoughts of it aren't going away. I don't need this right now. I'm finding it fucking hard enough. I don't know if i'll cope if I relapse with this too.

[FullyAlive]

I'm sorry that you're finding it hard from what you've said in various posts you're right you don't need anything else to cope with. I don't really know much about this sort of thing so i don't really have much help for you. Other than please take your own advice that you just gave to me I know it's going to be hard, it's hard for me and you've been here a lot longer but please try your best. You said you've been eating normally for a month now, keep it up.I hope you're ok.
:hug: xxx

[Nevermore]

I know what your going through Kathy, and if you ever want to talk I"m here for you. (huggs)
When facing food and your mind is saying no don't eat. Tell yourself Kathy it's okay, I need this to live. I am thin, a little food is not going to do anything to me. It's okay to eat. I know easier said then done, but try at least. Try eating perhaps with friends, watch they are eating, and they are thin right? Then it's okay to eat.
As for purging it won't do anything. You still maintain the calories you ate, so in reality it does nothing. Only hurts you in the end. Plus if you starve yorurself when you start eating, yoru body will hold onto it as fat in fear of you starving yourself again. So just focus on that, it has helped me in the past. Your beutiful, and I'm not just saying that. You can do this Kathy, I know you can. You are strong! Don't give up!!! I know again easier said then done, but just trying to help. <33333

[Fiction]

Thanks Both of you. :) :hug:

The thing I really hate is that I can't just eat normally. If I eat, I fucking binge. I can't seem to get the balance right and I really hate it. It's like I have two options: get fat, or stop eating. I know which one I want... But I know I shouldn't let myself fall back into it. I'm forcing myself to eat... but when I do that I eat too much. :/

[FullyAlive]

I might be wrong in where I'm going with this but when you say binge do you actually mean binge? Or is it really just a normal amount it's just you see it as binging?

[Fiction]

I'm honestly not even sure.

[FullyAlive]

Well I'm not sure I'm sorry for not being much help but maybe do the planning thing we mentioned, but instead of planning how to avoid meals and eat as little as possible you should plan how to fit in 3 meals each day. You could stick to those meals and then if you don't snack maybe you won't see it as binging?

[Syvelocin]

Do you count how many calories you have when you binge? That could probably be a way to discern it.

[Fiction]

I know if I start planning meals or counting calories I really will relapse. :/

[FullyAlive]

Ok then well definitely don't do that. Could you mention this to your counsellor person and see what ideas they have. I'm not sure what else to suggest I'm sorry. If I think of anything I'll tell you. Sorry I've not been of any more help.

[georgiamay]

The reason you binge is because you haven't been eating enough, and your body is craving it. It happens to me a lot. I don't eat all day, and then I get home, take a bite to stop me from getting a headache, and then I just can't stop. If I ate regularly, I wouldn't need to binge.

If you try and eat a few small meals, you won't feel the need to binge. The most important meal is breakfast. If you have a slive of toast for breakfast, it kick starts your motabolism, and maybe you'll be less likely to binge. For lunch, put something in a container to take to school with you, so that way, you can't binge on it. Then when you get home, you will have eaten a decent amount of food, and you probably won't binge. To put your mind at ease, maybe have a very low calorie lunch, like come carrots and cucumber with a few slices of ham or something.

[Fiction]

Thanks Louise, my councellor already knows about it.

And thanks Georgia. I've been eating normally (well binging) for 3 weeks now though. Surly my body has got enough fucking food by now?