I don't know what to do

[FullyAlive]

Recently the last few weeks or so i've had some weird relationship with food and what i eat going on. I'll go an entire day without eating or eating the minmal. Or i'll eat a lot and purge. Today i hadn't even eaten a lot i'd eaten a sandwich and i felt disgusting, all i could think about was that sandwich i culdn't stand knowing it was in me and so i made myself sick just because of one sandwich. I know i shouldn't but i can't seem to help myself. I hate what i see in the mirror and this is what ends up happening. I don't know what to do? I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry.

[Craig1995]

I haven't ever had a problem with food but my advice maybe is if it becomes a problem for you, you could tell your mum or dad. I know that might be kinda hard but they could give you the support and get you the help you need. :)

[Fiction]

Don't be sorry about it Louise. How long has this been happening? The sooner you can sort it out the easier it will be.

Do you count calories or obsessivly weigh yourself? because I used to do both things and found that making myself stopped those made me less concious of it all.

The thoughts are not easy to get rid of, i've been eating normally now for about a month, and the thoughts will always try and creep back in, but try not to let them get to you or take you over.

As the above poster said, maybe it's something you could get help for? I only just mentioned it to my councellor last week so i've yet to get real help for it, but i'm hoping it'll help.

I'm always here if you want to talk :)

[FullyAlive]

Thanks to both of you.
Kathy, it's been happening for probably around 1 and a half months ish. But I did something similar when I was younger (3 years ago) and that lasted for months, I'm scared that it's started again :/

I count the calories in stuff I buy and try to work them out in stuff my mum cooks, and I'm not sure if it's obsessive but I weigh myself twice a day, I hate it if I've gone up.

It's hard not to let those thoughts happen, I think i have low self esteem and this whole body image thing is part of it. If I eat in front of people I feel like they are laughing at me or judging me. I have this voice in my head telling me off everytime I eat so then I purge.

I don't think getting help is an option, my mum already found out I cut, I told her I don't anymore but I don't think I could hurt her with something like this again.

[Fiction]

Well as I said above, try not to count calories. I know that can be hard, because if you're anything like me it's pretty automatic. Also stop weighing yourself. This is the one thing that's helped me more than anything. I used to weigh myself several times a day too, now I only weigh myself once ever 2 weeks or so. When I get totally frustrated at not knowing... But the more you can not weigh yourself the better.

Do you try to plan what you are going to eat the next day? I always used to do that, and it just made me stick to my plans and therefore not eat. If you do that try and stop doing that too :)

As for the help, you could go to your GP without your mum?

[FullyAlive]

I'll try and stop weighing myself, but counting calories is going to be harder it's just so routine. And yes I do plan what I eat, I work out ways to make it as little as possible without causing suspicion.

The GP as I'm not 16 for another 2 months won't they tell my mum?

[Fiction]

Well try and stop planning what you eat as well.

I don't know exactly but put it this way, my councellor knows about my ED but my mum doesn't, and he said he won't tell her unless I become dangerously underweight.

[FullyAlive]

I'll try but it's hard I do it subconciously sort of when I'm in bed before I sleep.
And ok I'll think about going to the doctor, if they didn't tell your mum I see no reason why it would be different for me. Thanks :)

[Fiction]

I am exactly the same. I do it before I sleep. You have to conciously make yourself think of something else, and remember even if you've messed up by planning your meals, doesn't mean you have to follow through with it.

[FullyAlive]

Ok, so today I did try and do everything you suggested. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I can't help but count calories it's like everything I look at I can just see the number. The thing is I've not eaten well that's a lie I have eaten two plain crackers I still feel fat and horrible but it's just so I don't faint or anything. I skipped lunch, never eat breakfast and told my mum I don't feel well. I know not eating is bad but surely it's better than making myself sick? I don't know, which is worse for me?

[Fiction]

Well done for not weighing yourself :) Try and see if you can go the whole day without it. As for the calorie counting I know how you feel. It gets more difficult once you've mastered guessing the amount of calories in each food. Don't let yourself get to the point where you know how many calories are in each food. It gets harder to break then.

Neither are good for you.

Starving reduces your muscle mass. After a while your body will go into starvation mode. You will no longer be loosing fat, you'll be loosing muscle. Your body will actually begin to store more fat, in response to the lack of food.

Purging can damage your vital organs. It can also effect the elctrolyte balance in your body, which can in rare cases kill instantly.

If you really want to loose weight, look up healthy weight loss diets. This way you lose weight without damaging your body.

[FullyAlive]

Thanks, I'll try my best. I'm not at the level of being able to guess the calories yet I know stuff like pasta, crisps, main meal type things off the top of my head but I have to work out other stuff which i suppose is a good thing.

I didn't know they were both bad for you I was hoping I could stop gradually like stop one first. It's just if I eat I feel fat disgusting and horrible so I have to purge but if I don't want to purge then I'll have to not eat and starve myself it's just this cycle that goes on and on.

[Fiction]

Yeah I totally understand. I've found that if you eat healthier foods, you feel less like you want to purge, but you are still getting the calories and nutrition that you need.

[FullyAlive]

Ok I'll try that eat stuff that's good for me and when i start to feel fat then I'll remind myself it was all healthy. I'm doubtful but hopefully it will work combined with the other stuff. Thanks Kathy you've been really helpful :)

[Fiction]

No problem :)

[Fairfax]

I think there is a problem with your stomach that reduces your appetite and also making you thin and weaker...
Yes i agree that you should inform your parents about this weird problem..

[FullyAlive]

I think there is a problem with your stomach that reduces your appetite and also making you thin and weaker...
Yes i agree that you should inform your parents about this weird problem..

No. I have a mild eating disorder. It's nothing to do with my stomach.