CrazyBeautiful69
December 16th, 2006, 12:50 AM
well if any of you have read my post (please, hear me out) this is sorta an update..
it's been over a year now and i'm still not okay.
as said before..my friend taking his life changed my entire life, and for some reason, no matter how hard i try, i can't find it in myself to go back to the way things were(the way i was). I miss the old me. I miss sleeping( i can't sleep, hardely ever. I take one or two..three sleeping pills, and they dont work). I miss being able to smile, without forcing it. I don't want to be fake anymore. I live everyday, putting on this show, so that no one knows how much i am drowning on the inside. sometimes i feel like i cant breathe and the worst part about it is.. it doesn't scare me, it calms me. but most of all, i miss him.
i get so overwhelmed with being fake that i have to leave whatever i am doing and go into a room by myself where i can just break down. I literally cry until i can't see..
when someone asks me whats wrong..i lie.
I am scared about my future.
I am scared.
it's been over a year now and i'm still not okay.
as said before..my friend taking his life changed my entire life, and for some reason, no matter how hard i try, i can't find it in myself to go back to the way things were(the way i was). I miss the old me. I miss sleeping( i can't sleep, hardely ever. I take one or two..three sleeping pills, and they dont work). I miss being able to smile, without forcing it. I don't want to be fake anymore. I live everyday, putting on this show, so that no one knows how much i am drowning on the inside. sometimes i feel like i cant breathe and the worst part about it is.. it doesn't scare me, it calms me. but most of all, i miss him.
i get so overwhelmed with being fake that i have to leave whatever i am doing and go into a room by myself where i can just break down. I literally cry until i can't see..
when someone asks me whats wrong..i lie.
I am scared about my future.
I am scared.