My cuts have ruined my reletionship

[xbrionyx]

kkllijmikoo

[Ambrosia]

Then this isn't a relationship you need to be in. Obviously he is unable to be a helpful hand in your problem and it effects him more than it does you (this happens very often). You need to sit him down and try and explain to him why you do it. Try and come to an agreement, like you won't cut as often or you will try to stop. Of course, don't do anything you don't want to. I know how hard it is to come to the choice of quiting and if you aren't ready then don't make false promises. Try and get him to understand that you have to do this. Try and do them in places he never has to see and explain that this is YOUR problem, not HIS, and he is going to just have to get used to it and not make a big deal out of it. The fact is that you don't make a big deal out of it, you still do normal things despite the cuts, so why should him knowing make it any different?

If he can't accept it. Well. That's his loss. And you need to realize you don't need someone like him in your life if it's going to go like that. If he can't accept it and he makes your life even harder then it was before then you don't need to stay. It's HIS loss, HIS fault, and you can't blame yourself for that. He makes into a huge deal. He treats it like it makes you a monster. He treats YOU like a monster. And that's NOT your fault.

[xbrionyx]

Hmm. I did try to make him understand by sending him links about self harming and why people do it as I cannot say it in my own words because I can't seem to say it right. He didn't really take any notice of them and in fact got a bit angry about it..and yes he does try to make me promise not to do it and I say I can't then he asks why and it is unexplainable really :/ He just wants me to stop straight away and he just doesn't get why I can't even though I try to explain to him. I wish he did just accept me for the way I am and for the things I do but if he can't..then I might have to end it. Thanks for your advice btw (:

[Fiction]

When my ex first found out about my self harm, he said he would break up with me if I didn't stop. I stupidly promised him i'd stop. Of course... I didn't stop. It took him a while but he eventually accepted it. I don't know if it'll be the same with your boyfriend, but he obviously cares about you a lot and doesn't want to give up on you.

[xbrionyx]

My boyfriend threatened to leave me as well so I know how hard it is. Hopefully he will accept it in time but yes he does care a lot about me. I don't think he would ever leave me, I think he is just trying to scare me into quitting but I can't just give up straight away. I want to get help though..just for him but I'm not quite sure how to yet but that's one of the reasons why I joined this forum. For help.

[nick]

I disagree very strongly with Lexi above. I'm not condeming you or your actions, but I do know what its like from the other side.

My current boyfriend self harms, he's been clear for 10 days or so, but I know what its like to love someone who does this and its hard. Your cuts dont only hurt you, they hurt him too very deeply. That's a sign of his love, its no good asking him not to be upset by it. Its not a sign that he doesnt want to understand. But its like asking him not to breathe. Its not something he can control. What you are doing hurts him and makes him cry. And he, if he's at all likes me, desperately wants his love for you to be enough to get you through the bad times, and that leaves him feeling inadequate and frustrated when that isnt the case.

So he shouldnt condemn you or reject you, or regard you as somehow selfish for it, but at the same time dont ask him not to care.

[xbrionyx]

Thankyou nick for explaining what its like on the other end of the stick. You've made me open my eyes a bit more and realise that I don't want my boyfriend feeling the way you do/did. I want to stop, its only been a day without cutting but I'm proud of myself (: I'm going to wear orange bands tomorrow and show the world I can do it, I just need to keep myself distracted and keep myself motivated not to do it. I'm going to try my best for him.

[nick]

Good, and good luck. I'd be happy to talk to you one-to-one if it might help.

[xbrionyx]

Thankyou (: ~