May or may not.

[Fiction]

This may or may not be my last post.

See i'm somewhat undecided. People tell you to "never give up", but surly there's a right time to give up? There's a time when we are meant to give up, and where it's the best option.

This time is when the pain you're causing people outweighs the good. I've got to that point now. I have one person to stay for. It hurts to think i'm leaving him. It really fucking does, and if I don't do this, it's because of him. It was because of him last time too. If it wasn't for him i'd have taken a much bigger overdose last time, and i'd have attempted again.

I guess I don't really know what I want from this post, maybe I do want you to persuade me not to do it. I really don't know. Although I think that whatever anyone says here, i'll make up in my own mind whether to do it or not.

It feels like if I don't do it now, it'll only be later. It feels like this isn't getting better and I know it's my fault. Some people are just bad people, maybe not intentionally, but they are. No one can deny that. I don't want your sympathy. Although maybe I do? And if I do, well, surly that just proves it to you? I really am a fucking bad person.

I really hope you all recover, get better, enjoy your lives. I hope I do too, but you know, sometimes the easier option is fucking tempting.

This is not my goodbye, or is it? I really don't know, because of one person though, I think i'll still be here tomorrow.

[canyon]

Don't give up Kathy. There's never a right time to give up. When you're thinking that there's nothing left to live for, just remember that one person that you've been staying for. How would he feel if you leave him for good?

I know it can get really hard to stay for anything sometimes, I've been there. I got passed it though. I stopped worrying about everyone else and lived for me. Don't live your life to please anyone else, because if you do you'll always feel this way. Live your life how you want to live it. Don't worry about not finding friends or someone to be with either, because if you're being who you are, you'll find better friends who actually have things in common with you instead of the friends you made based on the lies.

Just don't give up. I know it may hurt, but think about all the things you'd be leaving behind, what you'd miss. You're young, you still have time to get better. Don't give up because life sucks, because it sucks for everyone.