I want to get back into writing - but I need honest opinions on my old poems?

[Triceratops]

Basically all these are like a year or more old, so my writing ability and style has probably changed or improved since then.

I know I'll most likely get a bunch of "Your poems are just a pile of shit rofl" but I'll still ask for honest views on them. I know they suck though lol. And yes I am aware that they're all extremely the same.

This is the only stuff I could find:

Minerva: The Goddess of Wisdom

Blazing eyes of glistening emerald,
Piercing the vision of sheer elegance.
Flowing tresses of golden coils,
Caressing the skull of poisonous imagination.
Exquisite lips tinted pure scarlet,
Pouring venom and treachery that trickle to one’s fear.

Forsaken resemblances hidden within robes,
Those of sheer darkness and secrecy,
Perplexity shall wither perpetual,
Ruthless abiding by independence,
Her choice for desired solitude,
As she enthrones herself in eternal isolation.

Cold-blooded glazed with a sinister soul.
With callous yet fatal ambitions,
She longs for the pleasure of misery in another,
Belligerent vengeance so bitter sweet.
The stupendity of wisdom she beholds,
Oh so righteous for a malevolent creation.
No such mercy in one's sight.

Seizing the blade of cruelty and anguish of such desire,
Catapulting to one's potential rotting corpse.
As power and claimed superiority rushes through in one gleaming scythe,
Such weapon for a merciless slaughtering.
Her secluded dose of amusement and joy,
Sympathy and a conscience are yet to exist.

Acceptance is of such futility,
Fighting for victory is one's guilty pleasures.
At the lowering end of conquered battle,
Brings a fright and a threaten to her control.
Dependence and guidance to the enemy conveys a forfeiture of power,
The ultimate downfall one refuses to absorb.
Minerva shall not surrender.

Cannibalism At It's Finest

Another wretched hope for survival,
No such escaping once set in its traps.
Hostile whispers trace amongst the ears,
Such determination, to feast upon every inch of your flesh.

Bliss is discovered, within the cries for a saviour.
Agonising pains, ride along potential cadavers.
Through the pupils of your eyes, blood draining from the rim.
Passion gleaming within one soul to the core.

Ripping apart one’s final life line.
To savour each and every taste, of what you have left.
Excruciating misery to endure, only to avow its purpose of blood thirst.

With entrails scattered across its grounds,
Its encounter concludes a repeat of success.
Only to abandon your bare bones amongst the lair.

Drifting Amongst Clouds

Soaring high upon the Earth's sky
Radiance shimmers within
Immense powers collide with beauty
Drifting amongst the clouds of heaven

Chimes of gold rupture the fears amongst

Breezes caressing supple souls
Gleaming wonders and purity
Presenses of the phenomenon
Drifting amonst the clouds of heaven

Everlasting pulchritudity

Poise and vibrance strike unity
Sheer essences luster
Soothing melodies harmonise the milieu
Drifting amongst the clouds of heaven

Illusive Cries From A Hapless Soul

As doves weep,
Demons smile,
Behind the distant faded façade.

The piercing snarls trail,
To possess and to manipulate,
Deep inside my fractured soul.

Emerging from the shadows,
Callous impurities shimmer,
Drifting closer towards me.

Ruins of malformation,
Wrap themselves around me,
To the state of enclosure I cannot breathe.

I cannot break away.
I cannot break away.
Listen, I cannot break away.

Come now, vindictive creature,
Bind me in your chains,
Drown me in your venom,
Anticipate…
Until the hour I can finally submerge,
And rupture through blood rusted shackles.

I can break free.
I can break free.
Listen, I can break free.

The Tainted Chronicles Of A Hidden Crestfallen Mind

Bewilderment, which taints my own ambience
Sacred voices, lingering deep inside my mind
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Deep in disarray, to destroy all harmony
Frost bitten palms, crawling underneath supple flesh
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Fervid affliction, writhing through the soul
My reflection, pouncing from the casket nail
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Throttled by lunacy, encaging me in hostility
Slithering vipers, entangling my wounded ankles
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Demons entice me, foreboding forces compel inside
Somber glares, glimmering through dissolving masks
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Torturous howls, echo in cruelty and malevolence
Streams of scarlet, flowing upon my frozen lake
I hide beneath the façade of pure imagination

Reaping vengeance, dearly creeping beyond
Strength and courage, such remaining powers to behold
I still hide beneath the façade of pure imagination


EXTREMELY OLD STUFF. Like 2-3 years ago.
Blackthorne Forest

Beware of those
With glaring eyes of dusk
Bitter tears weeping upon their cadaverous grimace
Beware of thee with the morbid cry
Thou best beware of Blackthorne Forest.

Beware of the night
Long after twilight
When the reaper is nigh.

Beware of the crippled who feed on ones flesh
Who will relinquish thy skinless corpse within the mist.

Beware of He who carries the glistening scythe
With lukewarm blood trickling from thy frozen skin.

Be cautious once thou steps into Blackthorne Forest
I guarantee it will not be gracious
As darkness and all Hell's creations wait around every corner
Thou best beware of Blackthorne Forest.

Knee Deep In Hate

Glaring forth the mirror I behold
Rotting flesh bloodshed tears
Knee deep in animosity.

Perished emotions I surrender
A polluted soul is void
Knee deep in decadence.

Tranquility found in confinement
Redemption buried beneath
Knee deep in dysphoria.

Hatred is wisdom
Ignorance is peace
Purity is illusive
Malevolence is independece
Tribulation is strength
Freedom is power
Fully alive I have reformed to.

Welcome To The Torture Chamber

Bind his ankles to the chilled steel
Blind the cunt in bloodied chains
Decide on your weapon, dear
Excruciate his repentant soul.

Sense his flesh
Stone cold with fear and trepidation
Sly cackles wandering forth thy lips
As the blade sweeps gracefully onto his chest.

Catapult the scythe and slice through inside
Blood pouring, guts drenching
Enforce his entrails to crash upon the ground
As he weeps for mercy

His butchered figure still squirming, the work is not complete
Gauge his sickened eyes with all thy might
Rotting fluid oozes from within
The torturer beholds the sounds of the victims howls.

The hapless being continues to suffer
Withdraw a hammerblow to the head
A sinister way to lose ones life
There is no such escaping this darkened pernicious chamber.

So, yeah. Please tell what's good, what sucks, what needs improving, etc etc. Even just by reading these back I can already tell on what I would immediately alter and improve on.

[Donkey]

Very nice writing Marcie, a hell of a lot better than most of the stuff we see here. I'm not a poet in honesty, so I'm not going to be able to give you vast amounts of ideas but I can get enjoyment out of reading it so it's good :)

[Triceratops]

Thanks Jon! :)

[deadpie]

You don't need improving, lulz. You're the best poet I've seen here on VT hands down. Mind=blown on The Tainted Chronicles Of A Hidden Crestfallen Mind. This shit is good and I definitely like your style. Even your old ones are pretty good. Like, I really don't see anything bad about any of this stuff. You definitely need to get your ass to writing more poems soon.

[Triceratops]

^ Woah I was not expecting that. Thanks a lot though.

[Charleigh]

Yea they are good.
You dont need any improving or anything, I think you should make some new ones :')

[Donkey]

You don't need improving, lulz. You're the best poet I've seen here on VT hands down. Mind=blown on The Tainted Chronicles Of A Hidden Crestfallen Mind. This shit is good and I definitely like your style. Even your old ones are pretty good. Like, I really don't see anything bad about any of this stuff. You definitely need to get your ass to writing more poems soon.
OH TIM, you are a charmer when you want to be. :P

You said it better than me though. Nice one Marcie. 'The Tainted Chronicles Of A Hidden Crestfallen Mind' would be my favourite too :P Your poetry is actually decent because you successfully convey strong and complex emotions with advanced vocabulary and English techniques all while keeping distracted from trying to make it rhyme and add rhythm - for effect, it is an excellent style that the only room for improvement would perhaps be a little less Shakespearian or Biblical English in some of the other poems. Sometimes saying things like 'thy,' and other such terms can become dry from use and you're not doing it much but sometimes it can bring over an amateur sense in terms of poetry, and a kind of lacking for other words that could produce similar effects without sounding like you're from the Middle Ages and alienating the reader by doing so. But yeah, all in all, really good stuff.

[Triceratops]

Thank youuuuuu.

OH TIM, you are a charmer when you want to be. :P

You said it better than me though. Nice one Marcie. 'The Tainted Chronicles Of A Hidden Crestfallen Mind' would be my favourite too :P Your poetry is actually decent because you successfully convey strong and complex emotions with advanced vocabulary and English techniques all while keeping distracted from trying to make it rhyme and add rhythm - for effect, it is an excellent style that the only room for improvement would perhaps be a little less Shakespearian or Biblical English in some of the other poems. Sometimes saying things like 'thy,' and other such terms can become dry from use and you're not doing it much but sometimes it can bring over an amateur sense in terms of poetry, and a kind of lacking for other words that could produce similar effects without sounding like you're from the Middle Ages and alienating the reader by doing so. But yeah, all in all, really good stuff.

What I've highlighted in bold I completely agree with tbh. When I was reading back I was thinking "what the fuck" because, to me, it sounds like I was trying way too hard for it to sound archaic. And yeah, I see what you're saying in terms of it detracting the reader's focus from the poem itself.

I also felt that the excessive use of "big words" could put the reader off and it could distract them a little. I don't think a "less intelligent" person would even have a clue what I'm saying when they read these poems either - but to be honest my kind of writing isn't aimed at those kinds of people (not trying to sound mean or anything). But then again, when I'm writing I can't help but use that kind of vocabulary because, in my opinion, a much more basic set of words would ruin the tone and vibe of the poems.

[Cosmic]

Marcie, you've clearly got a fantastic grasp of the English language, which has evidently empowered you to write some brilliant pieces here. Your phrasing is original, and your titles themselves are fantastic at grabbing attention - something I must commend you for.

My personal opinion, and general observation would be that whilst description is invaluable and often very powerful, sometimes there can be too much description, if that makes any sense at all. Sometimes, not everything needs and adjective behind it - and leaving a little to the reader's imagination can help them sink into your world on a more personal level. I would also agree with the archaic language sounding somewhat pretentious at times.

You've clearly got a talent here, and that's wonderful to see, and I hope to be able to come on here and observe that talent grow should you continue to post poetry (which I sincerely hope you do).

-Declan x