I Am Really Worried About my Friend - Help

[Raptor22]

Hello VT,

I've known my friend for a year and a half, we've had various classes together at school, and hung out after school. While many of her interests differ from mine, I really enjoy hanging out with her because she is really smart and beautiful and I can relate to her on an emotional level. I have always liked her, but recently we have begun hanging out more.

Over the course of our friendship she has always been there to listen to me when I have to confront my feelings, and I have done the same for her. She is very intelligent and one of the few people I have met that can match, if not exceed my quick and sarcastic sense of humor. While she has known me, she has dated other guys, relationships that dont always end very well. In December, her father became violent with her so she had to go and live with her psychologically unstable mother who she cannot stand.

I spent alot of time with her today at her house just talking about stuff and she told me about her long distance boyfriend (400 miles away) and how she was so excited to go and see him next week during our break from school (local teacher furloughs). Just now she sent me a message over skype saying that she wont be able to see her boyfriend, I told her how sorry I was and that I know how she feels and I attempted to empathize. After 5-10 minutes without a response, she responded asking "why wont people leave me alone so I can cut in peace, wtf."

I was taken aback by this statement, and I really dont know what to say. I have never known anyone to self harm before, and I want to be there for her, but I dont know what to say. I really like this girl, but I dont mind remaining just good friends if thats what makes her happy. I dont want to make it look to her like I'm traipsing in trying to replace her boyfriend. (as much as I would like to do just that)

Id really like some help tonight so I can be there for her, and hopefully try to stop my friend from harming herself. :(

Thanks everyone for your time.

[Quahog]

Just stick with her, and support her through it. As her friend, you should be able to help her under any circumstances. Her cutting is really affecting you, and as a friend, it should. I guess it was really hard for you to find out that she cuts, and I know that you probably don't know what to do at the moment. Just support her, stand by her side.

As far as relationship goes, the same rules apply. You have to start as friends with her, even though you say you don't want to replace her boyfriend, it seems like you might want to. You have very strong feelings for her, and you don't want her to do anything to hurt herself. Take it slow with her. Offer to help her, and just understand where she is coming from. Start telling her your true feelings, and maybe hang out with her sometimes, so she can take her mind of cutting. Maybe the both of you can do some exercise, things like that to take her mind off of it.

I hope things go well for you.

[Raptor22]

Just stick with her, and support her through it. As her friend, you should be able to help her under any circumstances. Her cutting is really affecting you, and as a friend, it should. I guess it was really hard for you to find out that she cuts, and I know that you probably don't know what to do at the moment. Just support her, stand by her side.

As far as relationship goes, the same rules apply. You have to start as friends with her, even though you say you don't want to replace her boyfriend, it seems like you might want to. You have very strong feelings for her, and you don't want her to do anything to hurt herself. Take it slow with her. Offer to help her, and just understand where she is coming from. Start telling her your true feelings, and maybe hang out with her sometimes, so she can take her mind of cutting. Maybe the both of you can do some exercise, things like that to take her mind off of it.

I hope things go well for you.

Thanks Jesse, I do not feel that I can adequately convey my appreciation of your reply. Id like to hear other people's opinions and advice, but I can say that your post answered nearly all my questions. :)