cold and lost in desperation *triggering*

[katniss.everdean]

Hiya to everyone I am new here and sort of seeking help :S

I started cutting when I was 12 and am now 14.

I stopped for a bit in the middle as I got caught and It was horrid. So was free till nov. 2009 aand then I started again

I cut becuse I hate myself, I need to punish myself, my dad is violent agressive and hateful to me :S and I can't stop him from doing the same to my sister, I am bullied at school, I am under so much pressure at school and it is my way of haveing some control and exspression.

I am now cutting deeper than ever everynight and have to cut in just 2 places so I can hide them in food tech during controlled assement and cover them with a hair band and a watch so it is getting very deep :(.

I want to cut now but don't. Any ideas bearing in mind I tried ice :S

[Quahog]

Have you tried putting a rubber band around your wrist and just pulling it, whenever you feel the need to cut? Have you tried mashing clay, or play doh together? I know many more distractions that you can use, if you tried those, or if you don't think you can be able to try those.

[Fiction]

Any type of distraction can help to stop you cutting. Whether it's drawing, reading, writing, playing a game, talking to friends.. Anything! Anything can be used as a distraction from cutting.

There is also the rubber band idea. You put a rubber band around your wrist and then when you feel like cutting, you just snap the band against your wrist.

Of course, if your dad is agressive to the point where he is hurting you maybe you should consider reporting him? I'm sure this is so much easier said than done, but it may improve your life in the future.

Remeber, life can always change, and when you're a teenager there is almost no chance of it staying the same. You can get better, and there is hope for the future :)

Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

[ScarredEclipse]

Well I'm not sure about the ideas. But you can always message me if you want to talk. I'm the same age so maybe we have some things that we can talk about. Don't hate yourself.. I know it's hard not to.

[katniss.everdean]

I've done all those and Im very close to breaking point. I have a school trip soon that is reesidential and Im screwed if I continue :S.

[Fiction]

Maybe having someone find out won't be such a bad thing. Proffesional help may be what you need. I'm not going to pretend having your parents find out is fun, but at least it gives you some kind of hope that things will get better?

[katniss.everdean]

when my parents found ou last time the school told them. This was a disarsted and I lied to everyone about everything and blamed it all on people at school and whn they sent me to some mentor person i kept lieing to them and saying I felt fine cause I cant be honest as she kept saying that she didn't know what to do with self harm and then they decided i was fine and just left me alone.

[Fiction]

Then go through that again, but don't lie this time. I know how hard it is not to lie, I did it too, but really to get the help you need you have to be honest.

[katniss.everdean]

I can't help it when i go in I meen to be honest but I lie cuase I feel I need t be strong and pput on a smile and Im ashamed of myself.