400 cuts.

[Magenta]

Tonight. Yes, tonight. I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I'm here against my will. People can only help so much because they only believe so much. I can prove it.

400 tonight.

[MadManWithaBox]

Jo, you know it wont help. That's stupid, you'll seriously hurt yourself. Please calm down, and think about it.

[Quahog]

No, you will not. Put that blade down. Don't you dare. Cutting isn't going to make your situation better. We can talk through this. If you going through problems there are people here to help. We don't want you to hurt yourself.

[Magenta]

It will help. I know it will.

[Fiction]

It will help. I know it will.

You made this post, because you don't really want to do it. You want us to persuade you not to. Think about that. Why are you doing it? When you don't even want to? When you're hoping we will persuade you against it?

[Magenta]

I feel so stuck. I feel like I have to. It's the only control I have.

[Fiction]

You feel stuck. I know that feeling too. But how will doing this stop it? You know it'll only really make it worse.

[Magenta]

It might not. I already have made 200. It's my cry for help. Someone will see me, I won't be a shadow. I'll get help. They don't believe me without.

[katniss.everdean]

I know how you feel.

[Magenta]

300. Why did I have to fuck up my life like this?

[MadManWithaBox]

You haven't. Stop now, and get help, and you'll have saved yourself.

[Magenta]

421. I've stopped. I have a psych appointment on Tuesday. But they never this to how serious I am.

[UnknownError]

Jo, stop now. This is getting dangerous, your going to seriously hurt yourself.
You need to get help. Any sort of help, aslong as you get it.

[Magenta]

I did stop. They are shallow since I was only sort of slashing. I just wanted the number.

I feel like I'm crazy.

[MadManWithaBox]

You need help Jo. I'd see your therapist like, now, rather than next week.

[Magenta]

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. Then I just have to face a long weekend until my psych appointment where I'm requesting hospitalization.

[MadManWithaBox]

I think that's a good idea.

[Magenta]

I'm scared to go to the hospital though.

[MadManWithaBox]

It's ok to be scared. They'll treat you ok once you're there, and you'll start getting help. Just don't resist it, it'll make things worse.

[Magenta]

I'm worried because once I'm there I will refuse to leave until I'm removed from my home and these conditions and that will stress me out more.

It's also good to hear from you, Matt. Seeing your post calmed me down quite a bit once I took the time to properly read it.

[MadManWithaBox]

I was exactly the same way jo on my first long term hospital stay. I screamed the roof down on my first few nights, I was terrified. Once you get over the initial shock though, and let yourself be helped, it will help.

And it's good to talk to you :)

[Magenta]

I hope so. I'm just in such a bad place, I don't know where else to turn.

I feel so stupid now. I'm in so much pain. I can barely move my arm. It's from my wrist to my shoulder. I feel so terrible when thinking straight.

[MadManWithaBox]

That's perfectly ok jo. Well it's not, but understandable. You got anything to help your arm?

[Magenta]

I have some stuff but it hurts so much I doubt I can rub it on my arm.

[MadManWithaBox]

Just try. Wrap it up a bit. If people see it, I doubt they'll be best pleased if you don't want hospitalisation just yet.

[Magenta]

I'm wearing long sleeved pjs. I think I will be okay for now and will put stuff on it first thing in the morning. It stopped bleeding fairly quickly.

[MadManWithaBox]

Good. See if you can wrap it up in something, temporary bandage or whatever.

[Magenta]

I have a tensor bandage and can wrap it around toilet paper or something? Not the best but it might work.

[MadManWithaBox]

Yeah that should be fine. Long as it's protected in sone way.

[Magenta]

Not sure I cam cover it all but I'll try. Thanks for the help.

[MadManWithaBox]

No worries :)

[Magenta]

800 tonight. That's what I want.

[MadManWithaBox]

Jo, no. Stop it. Stay with me, talk to me. Don't do something you'll regret.

[Magenta]

I just got back from my therapist appointment. I don't feel anymore hope. My life is over and I'm broken beyond repair. No matter what, my cries for help are not heard and certainly not answered. I want out.

Actually, I'm not sure what I want but I want to cut.

[MadManWithaBox]

You want to be here. You want hope, or you wouldnt here. What did the therapist say?

[Magenta]

She just can't help me. I feel safe with her but never get better or feel like she's helping. I just know I'm at my breaking point. I can't keep going, Matt. I can't take this pain anymore.

[MadManWithaBox]

Yes you can. Two kore days is it, then you can get hospitalisation? I'd do it sooner rather than later.

[Magenta]

Tuesday. Three days and even then, they may not be able to take me until later. I know I will hurt myself before then. Once I get the number in my head, I can't shake it. 800. It feels like that's the only way I'll be satisfied. I have to now.

[MadManWithaBox]

800 will be dangerous. Call them now

[TheSleepingInsomniac]

Jo don't do it you can get through this please don't do it an you distract your self or try to get a new number in your head a lower nuber.

[Magenta]

I can't call now. I'll try to stop sooner. I'll try but I have to cut.

[MadManWithaBox]

Yes you can. Remember the conversations. I had With you, when he came, and I didn't want to go the hospital, but I let you and kathy persuade me, because I knew deep down it was right. Same situation. Please jo.

[TheSleepingInsomniac]

I know you have to cut but please don't go to far.
jo your strong i know this and i will keep believing that and keep tring to help

[Magenta]

I can't. I have to be here tomorrow. I have to be here for a friend and my boyfriend. I promised them I'd meet them and I can't be in the hospital.

[MadManWithaBox]

You can't do that if you have 1200 cuts on your body Jo. They'll understand, your not well.

[TheSleepingInsomniac]

Jo were here for you your friend and boyfriend will understand they want you healthy they want you to get help

[UnknownError]

Jo, 800 tonight and 416 last night? I hardly think you'll be able to hide them.
Like Matt said. Phone them now. You need help now, what if the 800 turns to 1000 or more? Its getting dangerous. No, it is dangerous. Your going to end up killing yourslef by accident, whether you want to or not.

[Magenta]

I stopped at 27. I promise that I am going straight to bed after this.

[TheSleepingInsomniac]

good keep trying to lower that number im proud of you

[UnknownError]

Good, that's great.