Warning rant

[whereismymind]

I am sick of being me.
When I was younger I got the mick taken out of me for trying to grow my hair and listen to different music, I could never play football and had rumours spread about me behind my back. Thats just school. My mum was severely depressed, the house was a shit hole and my dad spent all day in the garage working on bikes and crap. A few days before my days before my 11th birthday I found out my parents were getting divorced and my brother told me. I cried my eyes out. Also I got mugged and can't go to a certain part of town because I get too scared to. So being a kid was a piece of shit.

In year 7 I decided to try harder to get on with people but it didn't work and I argued with my dad and brother a lot, before then I never used to. This I had 4 groups of friends but after falling out with one guy I pretty much lost 1 of them and the arguments around the house increased and I began self harming. Eventually I gave it up but I'm a horrible piece of shit of a person.

I got my gradecard a few days ago and my grades are crap. I got mostly fails and 3 passes with the lowest pass mark. I'm a let down to my family. I let my friends down and I deserve to get hurt, and everyone would be happier with me out the way. I hate myself and I leave notes for myself reminding me. The fucking voice in my head reminds me all the time and doesn't shut up. Fuck it all.

Sorry for the rant I just had to get this out

[Love.Hate]

Don't apologise, if writing this down has helped in anyway then continue doing so.

You have had a hard time in life so far, its okay to feel as if life has shat on you. If you try your best then that is all you can ever do, you havn't let your family down, they have let you down.. with all the arguements etc..

You do not desreve to get hurt!! Nobody does, dont ever say that.. your a lovely person, and it just sucks that your life has been so crap. But look towards the future, there are so many places to go, people to meet.. "the world is your oyster". You just have to fight, and try hard.. get through this rough patch and things will slowly start improving, nothing stays bad forever.

There is no way your a "horrible piece of shit of a person." your the opposite!!
You have come through so much, dont give up now.

Always here- I really do mean that!! :heart:

[whereismymind]

Thanks nice to know your there but I doubt many people would agree with you, to be honest I don't. I'll give it another year or so but if things don't get any better then I'll just do everyone a favour and get out of their way.