I cant take it anymore

[Njathind]

I cant do this anymore, life is too much, this rollercoaster has to end.

Today was the final straw, it has made me realise how bad this is. I spent the early hours of the morning driving round trying to find my little brother after he had ran away because of an argument he had with my dad. My parents also fell out over me and what I have done in the past and the way I am now. I feel so guilty for what I have put them through.

I have been so down, I have tried to put a front on, sometimes it works but it hurst so much. I cant hide it anymore. My cutting has been getting worse and worse since I came out of hopsital. At first it was once every couple of days, then it became every da, now its several times a day. So far I've "slipped" four times today. I've also been feeling reeally weird, it feels as if i'm moving, like i'm in the car or something, I dunno how to explain it.

I managed 2 hours sleep, that was it. Lately sleep has not existed in my life, i frequently go days withought sleeping a bit. Today I have been shaking all day, having thoughts pop into my head, thinking how I could do it, and how easy it would be to do it all again. Just remember DONT CHICKEN OUT this time.

I'm still shaking now, I wanna do it. The voices are back, they have been calling my name and sometimes there have been loads of voices all speaking giberish, all at the same time.

I cant live like this anymore, I have to do it :cry:

[JunkBondTrader]

Voices? You mention a hospital so I'm assuming you have a diagnosed condition. Either way, please consider contacting them.

Family troubles can be tough, and they act as aggravating factors when you're clinically depressed. But they pass, even if your rotten feelings don't. Sleep looks like it could be a major problem for you too. It's not just tiredness, I understand that, having had serious bouts of insomnia myself. If you've slept that little, you don't feel right. After a while you start to lose yourself, your mind begins to go because it needs sleep to function properly.

Please don't hurt yourself. If you've been awake that long you're not in the state of mind to make such a huge decision. Call a doctor, even go to the hospital if needs be and they'll be able to give you some benzos or zolpidem or something. I also urge you to resist the temptation to self-medicate with anything, including alcohol. I've been down that road and the results aren't pretty.

Stay safe. :)

[Njathind]

Voices? You mention a hospital so I'm assuming you have a diagnosed condition. Either way, please consider contacting them.

Family troubles can be tough, and they act as aggravating factors when you're clinically depressed. But they pass, even if your rotten feelings don't. Sleep looks like it could be a major problem for you too. It's not just tiredness, I understand that, having had serious bouts of insomnia myself. If you've slept that little, you don't feel right. After a while you start to lose yourself, your mind begins to go because it needs sleep to function properly.

Please don't hurt yourself. If you've been awake that long you're not in the state of mind to make such a huge decision. Call a doctor, even go to the hospital if needs be and they'll be able to give you some benzos or zolpidem or something. I also urge you to resist the temptation to self-medicate with anything, including alcohol. I've been down that road and the results aren't pretty.

Stay safe. :)

I have no access to alcahol, and I was in hospital thanks to an overdose. I have no diagnosis yet. Thanks for the reply though :)

[Love.Hate]

I don't know about the voices bit.. so im not much help on that.

Okay Before i start rambling on i need you to know that the weird feeling like your moving in a car/ a bit dizzy.. is all down to lack of sleep and not getting the nutrients you need in your diet.. I know i have been there.. its a bit sereal.. but more water, vitamins and sleep helps alot.

Its okay to chicken out you know, you sound like your annoyed that you couldnt go through with it.. and i know this feeling. But its amazing your still here, and you need to enjoy the life you have. You need to change the way you think, because they way you think acts on the way you feel, which influences the way you behave. You need to start being more postive. Tell yourself "Im glad i failed" "i deserve this life".

The cutting has got to slow down, or you will do some serious damage. Maybe try to cut down on the amount you do it a day.. but at the same time, its its keeping you alive, then its sort of a good thing (im NOT encouraging you to do it though).

Please stay safe.

You dont have to do anything, wait until you have got some proper sleep, then see if you feel the same, the chances are you wont. Your life is important, the world would be a much worse off place if it wasn't for your existance. You deserve better... you really do! And you might not feel this way now, but don't do anything stupid.

You shouldn't feel guilty about what you have put your family through.. they care about you! they want whats best, and why put them through so much if your going to end it all? It is NOT worth it.. you need to know that.

Please if it helps talk to me, i dont want you to do this. :heart: