Aceso
February 15th, 2011, 06:51 PM
Okay. I don't know where this is going to go, but let me explain.
I am 5ft 6in, and currently fluctuating between 112 - 115Ib. Each time I put even a pound on, I go mental. Literally, I will immediately go over and over in my head the amount of calories I have eaten that day, usually rounding up to the nearest 10 or if I don't know guessing to the nearest 10, then I will figure out what I'm going to eat, how many calories I have spare etc. I try to keep under 1000 cals a day and I feel completely crushed if I don't. I do this a lot, especially in school.
I will also compare myself to my friends, and I tell myself ''If you stopped being such a PIG, you would be beautifully skinny like them.'' and then, this is so sick, I often set goals for myself. If one of my friends weigh 7 1/2 stone, then that is what I will be. And the lower it gets, the lower my goal gets. It's so fucking stupid I know, but it's like half of my mind is independent, feeding me these thoughts, and I'm listening to it.
Often If I go over about 2000 I will throw up my latest meal, Or take laxatives when I don't have the opportunity to purge. I always buy a salad at lunch, nothing more because each time I look at the pizza or whatever I cannot imagine myself eating it.
But the weird thing is that when I start to feel hungry, around 3pm onwards, the food doesn't look poisonous any more, and I will eat it fine. I feel insane. This is completely crazy.
I have started to eat gum when I feel hungry, or do all the little things to curb hunger etc. and I snap elastic bands onto my wrists when I feel hungry. I also do just the slightest things to burn extra calories, like fidget, or lengthen my stride, or even just taking a slightly longer route.
Other things are that I will often weigh myself, think of a loop hole and go back to weigh myself, and just continue this. I will also just spend ages standing in front of the mirror pointing out my fat bits to myself, telling myself how much better it will be when I'm thinner etc.
I don't over exercise. In fact, I do probably less than normal exercise, maybe a maximum of ten hours a week, but I think it's starting to become a problem. It happens every single day, but even if I loose a pound, or even if I eat under 1,000 I still tell myself I could be better. Geez, I have no idea if this is normal or not. Help?
I am 5ft 6in, and currently fluctuating between 112 - 115Ib. Each time I put even a pound on, I go mental. Literally, I will immediately go over and over in my head the amount of calories I have eaten that day, usually rounding up to the nearest 10 or if I don't know guessing to the nearest 10, then I will figure out what I'm going to eat, how many calories I have spare etc. I try to keep under 1000 cals a day and I feel completely crushed if I don't. I do this a lot, especially in school.
I will also compare myself to my friends, and I tell myself ''If you stopped being such a PIG, you would be beautifully skinny like them.'' and then, this is so sick, I often set goals for myself. If one of my friends weigh 7 1/2 stone, then that is what I will be. And the lower it gets, the lower my goal gets. It's so fucking stupid I know, but it's like half of my mind is independent, feeding me these thoughts, and I'm listening to it.
Often If I go over about 2000 I will throw up my latest meal, Or take laxatives when I don't have the opportunity to purge. I always buy a salad at lunch, nothing more because each time I look at the pizza or whatever I cannot imagine myself eating it.
But the weird thing is that when I start to feel hungry, around 3pm onwards, the food doesn't look poisonous any more, and I will eat it fine. I feel insane. This is completely crazy.
I have started to eat gum when I feel hungry, or do all the little things to curb hunger etc. and I snap elastic bands onto my wrists when I feel hungry. I also do just the slightest things to burn extra calories, like fidget, or lengthen my stride, or even just taking a slightly longer route.
Other things are that I will often weigh myself, think of a loop hole and go back to weigh myself, and just continue this. I will also just spend ages standing in front of the mirror pointing out my fat bits to myself, telling myself how much better it will be when I'm thinner etc.
I don't over exercise. In fact, I do probably less than normal exercise, maybe a maximum of ten hours a week, but I think it's starting to become a problem. It happens every single day, but even if I loose a pound, or even if I eat under 1,000 I still tell myself I could be better. Geez, I have no idea if this is normal or not. Help?