Thinker

[Babobobo]

Here is my situation.

My name is Justin. I am 14 going on 15, and life at this point is hard for me. I just started my freshman year at highschool.
I am very basic and fortunate, I have a well amount of friends, no enemies, a supporting family with two older sisters and both parents (not divorced). I haven't had any big tragedies in my life. I also run Track. I have never, nor will I ever, do drugs. I also haven't drank alcohol.
Ever since I began this year it's been getting tougher and tougher. I've never any time to do things I like to do except sometimes on the weekends. One reason is I run track, which keeps me away from home until 6pm, to which I go home to finish homework and study. This I do not like, but quitting the team is not an option at this point.
I just don't understand why I'm living like this. Nothing really enjoyable has happened to me at all recently. I'm not good at track and it's impossible for me to keep my grades up. I hardly ever sleep, and when I do I awake to pain in my legs from running. On top of that, I'm continuously nagged by the over-achievers on my track team.
I see my old friends who don't take honors classes and don't run track, and they have it so easy, doing things every day and living their lives.

Sometimes I just sit and listen to sad music as I lay in bed. I like to think, just sit there and think. Once I wrote a few paragraphs about life, trying to find it's meaning.

I have this anticipation that something horrible is going to happen.
I also feel that I can't keep living like I do because of my stress.
Even more important: I wish I could skateboard, sing, and play guitar. But I just can't, I feel like it's too late to be as good as I want to be, and I want to be good at those things at this time, not in the future.

I don't plan on harming myself, but the idea just comes back and haunts me.

I can't get through this! I've been digging deeper and deeper, but nothing seems to come out of it.

[canyon]

Justin, I know exactly what you're going through. I went through similar situations when I was a few years younger too.

First of all, ask yourself this question: Why are you running track if you don't like it?

If your answer had anything to do with pleasing others, I say quit. It's not for you, and I think you know that. Don't ever live your life to please others, because it's not worth it. Secondly, don't worry about needing to be in a relationship. Most relationships fail during high school anyways. Right now, I would do exactly what you're doing. Focus on your schoolwork. I didn't do too good last year, and at the time I was just worried about wanting to have fun. Now I regret it so much. My GPA is a lot lower than I'd like it to be, and I'm constantly killing myself about that. I would rather go to high school for 4 more years and work so much harder than slack off just to have fun in a 30-minute class.

As to you laying in bed listening to music, that's great. Instead of thinking about all of the bad things in your life though, try thinking about what you're thankful for. It will make you feel so much better to go to bed thinking about happy thoughts and memories.

Even more important: I wish I could skateboard, sing, and play guitar. But I just can't, I feel like it's too late to be as good as I want to be, and I want to be good at those things at this time, not in the future.


Why not? That's what I have to say to this. Why not? It's your life, and you deserve to do what makes YOU happy. Like I said above, don't live your life to please others. It is NOT worth it. Do what makes you happy. And if that's singing and playing the guitar, go for it. Don't worry about not being as good as you'd like to be. I always used to think that since my GPA wasn't too good last year, I should just give up trying because I won't be able to get it up to where I want it to be. I figured, why do the work if I'm not going to get what I want? BAD. IDEA. Sure, I'm not going to get an outstanding GPA, but it will be higher than if I followed through with what I thought. I see it this way: I can either bum around because I'm not graduating valedictorian, or I can do the best I can and get the highest grades that I'm capable of. Don't ever sell yourself short or stop something because you're not where you want to be. If you're not, you can change that. Practice works wonders. Instead of practicing for 30 minutes, try 40. Those 10 extra minutes can make a world of difference.

Good, don't EVER resort to physical pain to get out of what you're feeling. If you cut yourself, you'll feel good for a few minutes. What about when you're done cutting for the day? You go back to feeling like shit, except now you have scars on your arm. You can either feel bad and change your life for the better, or you can feel bad and harm yourself. It should never be the latter. Don't ever resort to cutting or harming yourself.

Trust me, you'll get through what you're going through. I sat down one day and analyzed my life and figured out what I could change and what I couldn't. Honestly, it made me feel so much better. Don't ever sell yourself short or think that you're not good enough. Remember, this is YOUR life. Live it the way YOU want to live it.

Please, if you ever want to talk, send me a VM or a PM. Honestly, I don't mind talking. The reason why I joined this site is to try and help others cope with the issues that I myself went through. If you have any questions at all, please send me a VM.