I feel nothing.

[Aceso]

I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to explain this emotion right now.
Its a mixture of despair, hopelessness, pain, hurt and suffering. I can physically feel it in my stomach. And it hurts, like nothing I can explain.
The more I think about everything, the more I want to die. This life has nothing for me, nothing I want any more. I know what I want, but I will never be able to get it on this world. It's a life I cannot live, a place I cannot reach, but I'm forever trying to grasp.
I went to London with a friend a few weeks ago. I couldn't stop thinking of jumping in front of the underground. I never knew I was this bad. I never knew I wanted to die so much. But these feelings are rushing through me like blood through my veins. I can't get them out. I have no release.
I can't stop this pain. Its drowning me, suffocating me, It hurts. I want it to stop. But there is nothing to save me. Right now there seems to be one exit, but I can't reach it easily. I'm frozen for eternity with this agony, ripping through me every day and night until I can't take it any more.
I hate this place. This earth, this life, this feeling. It's cruel, it enjoys the pain it inflicts. It can make you suffer this misery and take away everything so you have nowhere to turn. It can show you your deepest hopes, wishes and dreams, always making sure you're just out of reach, taking every scrape of hope with it. It enjoys seeing you suffer, torture you until you are begging it for mercy. I can't explain what it is, but it's there. It's evil. And It's killing me.
At least if there is a place like heaven then maybe I will finally be okay. :(

[myskias]

hannah, i love you :/ and sadly i agree with you.. but push on, cause suicide wont bring you to that place like heaven...

[Aceso]

hannah, i love you :/ and sadly i agree with you.. but push on, cause suicide wont bring you to that place like heaven...

Love you too, Garrett <3
Meh, I feel slightly better now, but it's the nights that get me. :/ No doubt tonight is going to be bad but like you said, push on. I need to sleep. I feel exhausted. But my parent's won't listen when I try to say it's insomnia. :/

[myskias]

you cant give up hope hannah. thats the thing though. life has its ups and downs. the dirt and the gold. theres more to life then pushing through the want to die. theres much more AFTER you have pushed through it. you are a special person and theres no doubt about it. so you cant let the problems of life change you to be negative. take the pain and shit you get from everything, brush it off your shoulder, and continue being the brightest version of yourself you can! because if youre gonna be on this earth, why wouldnt you?

[Ryunosuke]

I know how you feel. That "evil" feels as though it inhabits me as well. But you look like the type of girl who would be dearly missed if you passed on. And I now know you can never find peace or relief in death. I was dead for almost 2 minutes and still felt empty. How? I haven't a clue. But it made me believe that there is something bigger I should do. I haven't found it. And each day I go through intolerable pain. But I have to go on. If not for myselfbut for what I'm going to do....

[Aceso]

Thanks so much guys, I feel a lot better today. <3